William Hague: from bad baseball caps to after-dinner superstar
|
Version 0 of 1. Name: William Jefferson Hague. Street name: The Right Honourable the Lord Hague of Richmond. Age: 55. Appearance: A friendly egg. Occupation: Former leader of the Conservative party, former foreign secretary, former leader of the House of Commons, former judo partner of Sebastian Coe … That’s a lot of formers. Yes. He led the opposition from 1997 to 2001, when Labour were the unstoppable party of government and people said the Conservatives might never win another election, you may remember. I choose not to. Mostly I remember him wearing a baseball cap with his own name on it and saying he used to drink 14 pints a day. Yeah. That was pretty much his legacy. Although he did oppose Britain joining the euro, which in retrospect was maybe the right call. OK. So we’ll forgive the baseball cap. Anyway, he stood down as an MP in 2015, and is now an after-dinner speaking superstar. Really? William Hague? Absolutely. Even though he was never prime minister. Former first lady, former New York senator and former secretary of state Hillary Clinton has called him “the David Beckham of toasting”. Is it because he’s covered in tattoos and poses in his underwear during the cheese course? I’ve not seen one of his speeches, but I’m guessing no. Maybe she just likes the fact that he shares his two first names with her husband? Interesting, but I believe not. Apparently he’s just very funny. He is quite dry, I suppose. And he has that distinctive Yorkshire accent. I always think William Hague sounds like even he is doing a William Hague impression. That might be a factor. Mainly he just has good jokes. “The problem with political jokes is that they have started to get elected,” he has quipped. Tee, and to a certain extent, hee. Indeed, last year he did 54 speaking gigs, earning £1.3m. Combined with a few directorships and writing jobs, that reportedly brought his “potential earnings” close to £2m. Wowzers! Well, writing is a lucrative business. People will just throw money at you if you’re funny. So I’ve heard. Do say, do say, do say: “John Redwood, Ann Widdecombe and Michael Howard walk into a bar …” Don’t say: “Who’s the John Terry of toasting?” |