Thanks for Submitting Your Résumé to This Black Hole
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Version 0 of 1. From: Job Spotter Subject: Thanks for Using Job Spotter! Brad, You submitted an application for: A Good Job at A Really Great Company — New York, NY 10128 Good luck! — Job Spotter Team From: A Really Great Company H.R. Subject: A Really Great Company — A Good Job Dear Mr. Austin, Thank you for your interest in being a part of the team at A Really Great Company. This email is to let you know we received your application via Job Spotter. Just wanted you to know. We have your résumé. We might also look at it. Apologies if this email got your hopes up. Best, Tom Purdy, Human Resources A Really Great Company From: Job Spotter Subject: Update: A Really Great Company Viewed Your Application Brad, Your application for A Good Job at A Really Great Company was viewed by the employer. Score! — Job Spotter Team NOTE: “Viewed” could mean a number of things. We can’t say with any certainty that your application was literally viewed by the eyeballs of a human being. It could be that the hiring manager opened it, then got distracted by a more pressing matter or a more eyeball-catching résumé and wanted to view that instead. It could be that the application was viewed by an infant or perhaps a nonhuman; one of those résumé-reading robots for instance, or maybe even a dog. Like an employee’s pet dog, if it’s an office where you can bring a dog. From: Chet Manning Subject: (No subject) asdlflasdflklkasvlknals;c ln;sl;nackln;;klasv;lkvasl;aks;dlk;acjkij;dsfajwefk;jksvkl;kln;dsvln;kasdvlnsadviwgaiwqeoiqwegisa Chet Manning A Really Great Company From: Chet Manning Subject: Re: (No subject) Hey Brad! So sorry about that, looks like my dog sent you an email ha-ha! It’s “Take Your Dog to Work Day” here and I had your résumé open and I was getting ready to view it but then my colleague said something hilarious so I had to get up and go high-five him and then Edward jumped on my desk to get the sandwich I had on it and he must have clicked on your email link at the top of your résumé somehow and stomped on some keys and hit send! Tell you what, since my dog clearly likes you, come in for an interview. How’s tomorrow look? Chet Manning A Really Great Company From: Chet Manning Subject: Re: (No subject) Brad, I’ve been informed by my supervisor that my dog emailing you doesn’t provide a strong enough basis for beginning the interview process. We still need to (finally) view this résumé of yours. Sorry. Chet Manning A Really Great Company From: Gloria Lewis Subject: A Really Great Company — A Good Job Hi Brad, After viewing your résumé, we’ve decided it’s not the right fit for us at this time. Thanks again for your interest and we wish you all the best. Gloria Lewis A Really Great Company From: Gloria Lewis Subject: Re: A Really Great Company — A Good Job Brad, Scratch that, can you come in tomorrow at noon? Gloria Lewis A Really Great Company From: Gloria Lewis Subject: Re: A Really Great Company — A Good Job Hey Brad, sorry! That last email was meant for a different Brad, the Brad we decided to interview and probably hire (as we got your application first, we’ve been calling you Brad and the Brad we decided to bring in for an interview “Other Brad”). We were saying, “Scratch that, Other Brad, come in tomorrow at noon instead of Thursday at 1.” Do you get it? Just want to be clear. Good luck and sorry. Gloria Lewis A Really Great Company From: A Really Great Company H.R. Subject: A Really Great Company — A Good Job Hello Brad, We have decided not to move forward with your application. Thank you again for your interest in working with us. Tom Purdy, Human Resources A Really Great Company From: Chet Manning Subject: Re: (No Subject) Hey Brad. This is Chet’s dog, Edward. I taught myself to type this week and just wanted to say ruff ruff and bark bark bark hahaha what’s up Brad it’s Chet. Hey man, looks like we’ve decided to go with a different applicant. Wanted you to hear it from me first. Sorry it didn’t work out. Take care, bro! Chet and Edward A Really Great Company |