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'I ignored my mum's death, just like Prince Harry' | 'I ignored my mum's death, just like Prince Harry' |
(35 minutes later) | |
Prince Harry has revealed he sought counselling after coming close to a "complete breakdown" while struggling to deal with the death of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. | Prince Harry has revealed he sought counselling after coming close to a "complete breakdown" while struggling to deal with the death of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. |
His revelation has led others to share their experiences of how they coped with losing a parent at a young age. | His revelation has led others to share their experiences of how they coped with losing a parent at a young age. |
Here they tell their stories. | Here they tell their stories. |
Kathryn Watson, 33, from Newcastle, lost her mum, Heather, to lymphoma cancer when she was 19. | Kathryn Watson, 33, from Newcastle, lost her mum, Heather, to lymphoma cancer when she was 19. |
"My mum was ill for about 18 months and it was really quite sudden. She went from being an outgoing person to simply not being there. | "My mum was ill for about 18 months and it was really quite sudden. She went from being an outgoing person to simply not being there. |
"I dealt with her death badly. I went straight into doing the logistical stuff and, because of my age, there was a lot of pressure from people for it not to affect my life. | "I dealt with her death badly. I went straight into doing the logistical stuff and, because of my age, there was a lot of pressure from people for it not to affect my life. |
"I found I lost quite a few friends because they didn't know how to cope with me. I was so busy trying to be 'normal', you don't know how to talk to people. | "I found I lost quite a few friends because they didn't know how to cope with me. I was so busy trying to be 'normal', you don't know how to talk to people. |
"When I read Prince Harry's story I thought that's exactly how I felt. You just keep going and everybody else forgets about it. | "When I read Prince Harry's story I thought that's exactly how I felt. You just keep going and everybody else forgets about it. |
"Over the years I completely ignored my mum's death. Life gets back to normal and no-one talks about it. | "Over the years I completely ignored my mum's death. Life gets back to normal and no-one talks about it. |
"What really spoke to me was Prince Harry talking about his anger. I felt that a lot. I turned to the gym and exercise and running. | "What really spoke to me was Prince Harry talking about his anger. I felt that a lot. I turned to the gym and exercise and running. |
"What also really touched me was that the age at which we dealt with it was the same. | "What also really touched me was that the age at which we dealt with it was the same. |
"When I got to 28 and 29 I thought 'I can't keep going on with this'. It's the realisation it's not going to fade. | "When I got to 28 and 29 I thought 'I can't keep going on with this'. It's the realisation it's not going to fade. |
"Now, I'm able to open up and work through my grief. I think it is a maturity thing. | "Now, I'm able to open up and work through my grief. I think it is a maturity thing. |
"Counselling has brought me to a good place. It's about finding the right counsellor for you - it's so important. | "Counselling has brought me to a good place. It's about finding the right counsellor for you - it's so important. |
"I feel relieved and a lot calmer. I still have bad days but I now know if I'm going into one it will pass and I know who to contact and who to talk to. | "I feel relieved and a lot calmer. I still have bad days but I now know if I'm going into one it will pass and I know who to contact and who to talk to. |
"It doesn't seem so overwhelming or daunting now." | "It doesn't seem so overwhelming or daunting now." |
Andy Savage, 37, from Nantwich, Cheshire, was 12 when his mum, Diane, died from a blood clot in her lung. | Andy Savage, 37, from Nantwich, Cheshire, was 12 when his mum, Diane, died from a blood clot in her lung. |
"It was completely out of the blue. I was 12 at the time, my younger brother was nine and my sister was six. They were taken into care, our family was split up. | "It was completely out of the blue. I was 12 at the time, my younger brother was nine and my sister was six. They were taken into care, our family was split up. |
"We had been the typical little family back then. My dad couldn't cope afterwards, his grief was as big as ours. | "We had been the typical little family back then. My dad couldn't cope afterwards, his grief was as big as ours. |
"You lose several things when you lose your mum. You lose someone very close to you but you also lose the person who takes care of you. There's a mixture of emotions. | "You lose several things when you lose your mum. You lose someone very close to you but you also lose the person who takes care of you. There's a mixture of emotions. |
"I can't think of anything that decimates someone's life more as a kid than taking their mum away from them. | |
"There was a lot of anger for me personally. It messes up your life in a lot of different ways. I dropped out of school, didn't really get an education and didn't look after myself too well. | "There was a lot of anger for me personally. It messes up your life in a lot of different ways. I dropped out of school, didn't really get an education and didn't look after myself too well. |
"It's only looking back now, that I realise it was linked to my mum's death. I know I'm not the person I would've been if she had stayed alive. | "It's only looking back now, that I realise it was linked to my mum's death. I know I'm not the person I would've been if she had stayed alive. |
"Like Prince Harry, I had that chaotic period. I went off the rails in my late teens because I didn't have any guidance, I did what I wanted to do. I burnt myself out quite quickly. | "Like Prince Harry, I had that chaotic period. I went off the rails in my late teens because I didn't have any guidance, I did what I wanted to do. I burnt myself out quite quickly. |
"I think it's vital you find something in life that's your passion, whether it's sport or a hobby - something to give your life meaning. | |
"I was lucky that social services were there and they provided counselling sessions. For me it was massively beneficial, but not everyone's a talker. | "I was lucky that social services were there and they provided counselling sessions. For me it was massively beneficial, but not everyone's a talker. |
"As Harry said, venting at someone, letting it all out has got to be a good thing. It helps you make sense of what's happened." | "As Harry said, venting at someone, letting it all out has got to be a good thing. It helps you make sense of what's happened." |
Susan Steel, 55, from Hull, lost her dad, Gerry, who suffered from hypercholesterolemia, at the age of 12. | Susan Steel, 55, from Hull, lost her dad, Gerry, who suffered from hypercholesterolemia, at the age of 12. |
"My dad had been unwell for quite some time. On the day he died he'd come out of hospital and I remember coming out of school and seeing him in the passenger seat. | "My dad had been unwell for quite some time. On the day he died he'd come out of hospital and I remember coming out of school and seeing him in the passenger seat. |
"For the first time I thought that's not my dad. He was shrivelling away. | "For the first time I thought that's not my dad. He was shrivelling away. |
"That evening my mum was in the kitchen and me and my sister were watching the 9 O'Clock news with my dad. | "That evening my mum was in the kitchen and me and my sister were watching the 9 O'Clock news with my dad. |
"We heard a clatter and the table turned over and we turned around and his eyes were rolling. I charged out screaming, I knew what had happened. I never saw him again. | "We heard a clatter and the table turned over and we turned around and his eyes were rolling. I charged out screaming, I knew what had happened. I never saw him again. |
"Now I can't really remember him. I think a lot of it you block out. | "Now I can't really remember him. I think a lot of it you block out. |
"I saw a child psychiatrist at the time because I wouldn't go to school. I had separation anxiety from my mum. I didn't understand it at the time. | "I saw a child psychiatrist at the time because I wouldn't go to school. I had separation anxiety from my mum. I didn't understand it at the time. |
"I couldn't concentrate at school and I didn't do very well in my A-levels. I couldn't eat either and lost loads of weight. | "I couldn't concentrate at school and I didn't do very well in my A-levels. I couldn't eat either and lost loads of weight. |
"It did affect everything but I didn't really realise at the time it might be related to losing my dad. | "It did affect everything but I didn't really realise at the time it might be related to losing my dad. |
"I avoided relationships and when I met my husband I started to have panic attacks and that's when I started to see a counsellor. That's when I understood it. | "I avoided relationships and when I met my husband I started to have panic attacks and that's when I started to see a counsellor. That's when I understood it. |
"I had a mistrust of men, I feared my husband would leave me. | "I had a mistrust of men, I feared my husband would leave me. |
"I had a really good GP who recognised it was connected to my dad and sent me to a counsellor. | "I had a really good GP who recognised it was connected to my dad and sent me to a counsellor. |
"You do bottle it up. You don't go there. Counselling is not an easy option, it's very painful. | "You do bottle it up. You don't go there. Counselling is not an easy option, it's very painful. |
"But I remember coming home and I would feel really free. It really did help, without a shadow of a doubt." | "But I remember coming home and I would feel really free. It really did help, without a shadow of a doubt." |
National charity Cruse Bereavement Care offers advice and support on dealing with the death of a loved one. For more information visit www.cruse.org.uk. | National charity Cruse Bereavement Care offers advice and support on dealing with the death of a loved one. For more information visit www.cruse.org.uk. |