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You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/26/i-had-clearly-failed-in-my-wifely-duty-readers-on-backhanded-presents
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| 'I had clearly failed in my wifely duty': readers on backhanded presents | 'I had clearly failed in my wifely duty': readers on backhanded presents |
| (1 day later) | |
| Johan, 50, Sundsvall, Sweden: I was trying to be mean, but she thought it was nice | Johan, 50, Sundsvall, Sweden: I was trying to be mean, but she thought it was nice |
| My girlfriend was a vegan, so when she dumped me I bought her a carnivorous plant just to be mean. She actually thought it was quite nice. | |
| Alan, 30, Glasgow: I laughed at both the innocence and wrongfulness | Alan, 30, Glasgow: I laughed at both the innocence and wrongfulness |
| I was given a gift by a colleague in jest. As I don’t eat pork, it was a cookery book titled 50 Ways to Eat Cock by Adrienne Hew. The book was accompanied by a little note: “I’m sure you’d be able to add 100 more”. I laughed at both the innocence and wrongfulness of the gift. As someone who is gay I was humoured, but admittedly I am used to these types of gifts. Most people in attendance were either laughing or remained open-mouthed and weirdly silent. The person who gave it to me was as proud as a mother attending her child’s graduation. I sadly passed it on, as I do with all good books! | I was given a gift by a colleague in jest. As I don’t eat pork, it was a cookery book titled 50 Ways to Eat Cock by Adrienne Hew. The book was accompanied by a little note: “I’m sure you’d be able to add 100 more”. I laughed at both the innocence and wrongfulness of the gift. As someone who is gay I was humoured, but admittedly I am used to these types of gifts. Most people in attendance were either laughing or remained open-mouthed and weirdly silent. The person who gave it to me was as proud as a mother attending her child’s graduation. I sadly passed it on, as I do with all good books! |
| Faye, 50, Bristol: Every trip was perpetual ear-chewing | Faye, 50, Bristol: Every trip was perpetual ear-chewing |
| I gave my partner a T-shirt that said “World’s worst passenger”. All his life he has been the driver, not the passenger. He couldn’t even cope with being so close to the kerb, let alone trusting anyone to spot hazards, drive at a suitable speed, go round corners, or anything really. He wanted to be chauffeured around for a change, but every trip was perpetual ear-chewing. The T-shirt didn’t have much of an effect and was only worn under jumpers. It finally got to the point where I had to say “If you don’t button it, I ain’t driving”, before the problem was resolved. | I gave my partner a T-shirt that said “World’s worst passenger”. All his life he has been the driver, not the passenger. He couldn’t even cope with being so close to the kerb, let alone trusting anyone to spot hazards, drive at a suitable speed, go round corners, or anything really. He wanted to be chauffeured around for a change, but every trip was perpetual ear-chewing. The T-shirt didn’t have much of an effect and was only worn under jumpers. It finally got to the point where I had to say “If you don’t button it, I ain’t driving”, before the problem was resolved. |
| Katie, 36, England: I felt pretty insulted | Katie, 36, England: I felt pretty insulted |
| I received a face cloth (and matching towel) from my mother-in-law within months of first meeting her. She had previously hinted that I should exfoliate my face every day. I felt pretty insulted as I have problematic skin and naturally am quite sensitive about that and don’t expect anyone to comment on it. I chose what I thought was a lovely scented ceramic candle for her around the same time, and yet apparently this was deemed inappropriate. Subsequently my in-laws gave my parents air freshener sticks. I don’t know if that was their response to the candle! My in-laws seemed pleased at their choice of gift, and my husband was oblivious. I have never used the face cloth – I gave it to my husband. | I received a face cloth (and matching towel) from my mother-in-law within months of first meeting her. She had previously hinted that I should exfoliate my face every day. I felt pretty insulted as I have problematic skin and naturally am quite sensitive about that and don’t expect anyone to comment on it. I chose what I thought was a lovely scented ceramic candle for her around the same time, and yet apparently this was deemed inappropriate. Subsequently my in-laws gave my parents air freshener sticks. I don’t know if that was their response to the candle! My in-laws seemed pleased at their choice of gift, and my husband was oblivious. I have never used the face cloth – I gave it to my husband. |
| Keith, 36, Edinburgh: ‘You’re getting a bit round around the middle – happy birthday!’ | Keith, 36, Edinburgh: ‘You’re getting a bit round around the middle – happy birthday!’ |
| My girlfriend gave me a voucher for 10 sessions with a personal trainer. In giving me the card she said: “Now, don’t take this the wrong way...” A foreboding start. I hadn’t in any way requested this, nor had we discussed it, so it was clearly a case of “You’re getting a bit round around the middle – happy birthday!” My reaction was to milk the situation a bit and pretend to be offended, but actually I was fine with it. I’d never have thought of getting a personal trainer myself, so it was a good prompt by someone who cares. I think she initially felt awkward, but I think she was relieved when I took it in the spirit it was intended. Others were generally outraged though. I think someone described it as “the most passive aggressive present they’ve ever heard of”. That said, I got her a hoover and a radiator for previous birthdays, so fair’s fair. In the end it was clearly a good gift as I recently renewed for another 10 sessions. | My girlfriend gave me a voucher for 10 sessions with a personal trainer. In giving me the card she said: “Now, don’t take this the wrong way...” A foreboding start. I hadn’t in any way requested this, nor had we discussed it, so it was clearly a case of “You’re getting a bit round around the middle – happy birthday!” My reaction was to milk the situation a bit and pretend to be offended, but actually I was fine with it. I’d never have thought of getting a personal trainer myself, so it was a good prompt by someone who cares. I think she initially felt awkward, but I think she was relieved when I took it in the spirit it was intended. Others were generally outraged though. I think someone described it as “the most passive aggressive present they’ve ever heard of”. That said, I got her a hoover and a radiator for previous birthdays, so fair’s fair. In the end it was clearly a good gift as I recently renewed for another 10 sessions. |
| Laura, 39, Edinburgh: I had clearly been failing in my wifely duty | Laura, 39, Edinburgh: I had clearly been failing in my wifely duty |
| My mother-in-law gave me a date book filled in with the birthdays and anniversaries of my husband’s extended family. My initial reaction was to give a puzzled “Thanks”, but I doubt she is aware of what a source of amusement it has been. The message I took was that I had clearly been failing in my wifely duty to send cards on behalf of myself and my husband. My husband reassured me though that it was his job to remember his family members’ important dates, and that he would probably continue to do this very badly. My mother-in-law had even referred to herself and her husband as “Mum and Dad” in entries such as “Mum and Dad’s anniversary”. But they’re not my mum and dad, so I binned it. | My mother-in-law gave me a date book filled in with the birthdays and anniversaries of my husband’s extended family. My initial reaction was to give a puzzled “Thanks”, but I doubt she is aware of what a source of amusement it has been. The message I took was that I had clearly been failing in my wifely duty to send cards on behalf of myself and my husband. My husband reassured me though that it was his job to remember his family members’ important dates, and that he would probably continue to do this very badly. My mother-in-law had even referred to herself and her husband as “Mum and Dad” in entries such as “Mum and Dad’s anniversary”. But they’re not my mum and dad, so I binned it. |
| Noma, 42, China: Jokes are never funny when they need an explanation | Noma, 42, China: Jokes are never funny when they need an explanation |
| For a friend’s 40th birthday, I gave him a beautiful jar. Then I handed him a bag of marbles. I was being cheeky about his age, but unfortunately I had to explain it to him. He didn’t appreciate it. Jokes are never funny when they need to be explained. Thankfully our other friends got it straight away, and thought it was a hilarious gift. | For a friend’s 40th birthday, I gave him a beautiful jar. Then I handed him a bag of marbles. I was being cheeky about his age, but unfortunately I had to explain it to him. He didn’t appreciate it. Jokes are never funny when they need to be explained. Thankfully our other friends got it straight away, and thought it was a hilarious gift. |
| Chris, 62, Dumfries: Upon reflection it was probably not very nice | Chris, 62, Dumfries: Upon reflection it was probably not very nice |
| I gave my father a VHS set of One Foot in the Grave for Christmas because he was a strong personality but who could be grumpy, distant and difficult sometimes, mainly with the family. The Victor Meldrew character was brilliant and was sometimes used as a byword for “grumpy old git”. I suppose I thought it was a joke gift but 20 years on I feel a bit guilty about it. I was very surprised then to be told by my mother that it had quite upset my father, because until then I had always thought him quite invulnerable to criticism. We had not previously had a very close relationship, but oddly it did improve a bit afterwards. Maybe we were less confrontational and a bit more honest and considerate with each other. He died two years later. The 42-year-old me was clearly different from the 62-year-old version. I don’t think hurting people for a joke is a very nice thing to do. I learned a lesson then, as we all do through life. | I gave my father a VHS set of One Foot in the Grave for Christmas because he was a strong personality but who could be grumpy, distant and difficult sometimes, mainly with the family. The Victor Meldrew character was brilliant and was sometimes used as a byword for “grumpy old git”. I suppose I thought it was a joke gift but 20 years on I feel a bit guilty about it. I was very surprised then to be told by my mother that it had quite upset my father, because until then I had always thought him quite invulnerable to criticism. We had not previously had a very close relationship, but oddly it did improve a bit afterwards. Maybe we were less confrontational and a bit more honest and considerate with each other. He died two years later. The 42-year-old me was clearly different from the 62-year-old version. I don’t think hurting people for a joke is a very nice thing to do. I learned a lesson then, as we all do through life. |
| Ned, 31, Manchester: At first I was a bit taken aback | Ned, 31, Manchester: At first I was a bit taken aback |
| I studied history for my first year at university, before deciding (after a reasonable amount of angst) to change to biochemistry. I graduated three years later, and as a graduation present my gran gave me a large framed cross-stitch with the phrase “Procrastination is the thief of time. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Life is not a dress rehearsal”. Apparently, she had started stitching when I was worrying about whether to change my degree course, because she thought I was taking too long to decide. Obviously a perfect graduation present! At the time I was a bit taken aback, but I’m glad it happened as it was very funny and I appreciate the amount of effort she put into teaching me a lesson! My family all thought it was absolutely hilarious, and it’s become a long-running joke. My gran visits regularly so it went up in my bedroom in my parents’ house after I graduated and is still there now. | I studied history for my first year at university, before deciding (after a reasonable amount of angst) to change to biochemistry. I graduated three years later, and as a graduation present my gran gave me a large framed cross-stitch with the phrase “Procrastination is the thief of time. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Life is not a dress rehearsal”. Apparently, she had started stitching when I was worrying about whether to change my degree course, because she thought I was taking too long to decide. Obviously a perfect graduation present! At the time I was a bit taken aback, but I’m glad it happened as it was very funny and I appreciate the amount of effort she put into teaching me a lesson! My family all thought it was absolutely hilarious, and it’s become a long-running joke. My gran visits regularly so it went up in my bedroom in my parents’ house after I graduated and is still there now. |
| Olivia, 27, London: I still find it amusing | Olivia, 27, London: I still find it amusing |
| I was given a bottle of magnesium tablets by a colleague who thought I looked tired. I was a bit surprised as she hadn’t said anything to me, asking if I felt OK or if I was more tired than normal. To make it even funnier, she didn’t even give me the tablets directly but gave them to my husband to pass on, saying they had really helped her husband to have more energy. Lots of colleagues got a good giggle at the lack of tact. I still find it amusing. The tablets sit in the cupboard and I chuckle when I see them. | I was given a bottle of magnesium tablets by a colleague who thought I looked tired. I was a bit surprised as she hadn’t said anything to me, asking if I felt OK or if I was more tired than normal. To make it even funnier, she didn’t even give me the tablets directly but gave them to my husband to pass on, saying they had really helped her husband to have more energy. Lots of colleagues got a good giggle at the lack of tact. I still find it amusing. The tablets sit in the cupboard and I chuckle when I see them. |