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| My friend's suicide, bureaucracy and cuts: why I quit as an NHS manager | My friend's suicide, bureaucracy and cuts: why I quit as an NHS manager |
| (7 months later) | |
| I was driven to the brink by the poor care my friend received. I finally left over pointless tasks | |
| Anonymous | |
| Thu 22 Jun 2017 10.15 BST | |
| Last modified on Wed 20 Sep 2017 23.05 BST | |
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| The first time I thought I should leave the NHS and never return was at my friend’s inquest. After struggling with mental health issues for many years he had taken his own life. At his inquest, I learnt that in the period leading up to his suicide his mental health appointments had all been with support workers and he had not once seen a qualified mental health nurse. I also discovered that his last five appointments had been with four different members of staff. The coroner asked about the level of the service he had received. The manager of the service cited difficulties with a large geographical patch and described the service he received as usual practice. As an NHS manager myself, I could see it may have been usual practice, but it was far from good enough. | The first time I thought I should leave the NHS and never return was at my friend’s inquest. After struggling with mental health issues for many years he had taken his own life. At his inquest, I learnt that in the period leading up to his suicide his mental health appointments had all been with support workers and he had not once seen a qualified mental health nurse. I also discovered that his last five appointments had been with four different members of staff. The coroner asked about the level of the service he had received. The manager of the service cited difficulties with a large geographical patch and described the service he received as usual practice. As an NHS manager myself, I could see it may have been usual practice, but it was far from good enough. |
| As I drove home from the inquest my head was spinning with dissonant thoughts and questions. I was angry and upset. I was concerned for the service manager. I was furious with government cuts. I was worrying about the service I managed. I needed the noise in my head to stop. I found myself contemplating killing myself. I did not sleep that night. I knew I was unwell and so the next day I saw my GP. I needed three months off work for severe depression and anxiety. I had excellent talking therapy via my GP surgery and my counsellor continued to support me through and beyond my return to work. | As I drove home from the inquest my head was spinning with dissonant thoughts and questions. I was angry and upset. I was concerned for the service manager. I was furious with government cuts. I was worrying about the service I managed. I needed the noise in my head to stop. I found myself contemplating killing myself. I did not sleep that night. I knew I was unwell and so the next day I saw my GP. I needed three months off work for severe depression and anxiety. I had excellent talking therapy via my GP surgery and my counsellor continued to support me through and beyond my return to work. |
| Back at work, I was in a management team that was responsible for delivering a 7% cost improvement plan. This was a huge amount of money. The only way to achieve this saving was to restructure and downgrade staff. I felt it was wrong to associate the word improvement with this mandated saving. I wondered whether I would be the one responsible when patients were seen by support staff when they really needed qualified expertise. | Back at work, I was in a management team that was responsible for delivering a 7% cost improvement plan. This was a huge amount of money. The only way to achieve this saving was to restructure and downgrade staff. I felt it was wrong to associate the word improvement with this mandated saving. I wondered whether I would be the one responsible when patients were seen by support staff when they really needed qualified expertise. |
| Another vital task I had to complete was to check how many of my staff had completed hand washing training. I know hand washing is important. However, the focus was on hitting a percentage to prove compliance with training to senior managers. It was a tick box exercise, not one aimed at reducing infection. Indeed, in our community setting we had never had any issues with infection. There were, however, plenty of other training needs that would have had a real impact for patients. | Another vital task I had to complete was to check how many of my staff had completed hand washing training. I know hand washing is important. However, the focus was on hitting a percentage to prove compliance with training to senior managers. It was a tick box exercise, not one aimed at reducing infection. Indeed, in our community setting we had never had any issues with infection. There were, however, plenty of other training needs that would have had a real impact for patients. |
| The final straw for me was being asked to scrutinise my team’s travel claims. I knew my team well and trusted them. They were often in early, regularly didn’t take lunch breaks and had the interests of our patients at heart. I objected to the suggestion that they may be over-claiming on purpose. Why was the organisation insisting I – a band 8a professional lead – calculate travel distances? This was a waste of professional time and would never be cost effective. | The final straw for me was being asked to scrutinise my team’s travel claims. I knew my team well and trusted them. They were often in early, regularly didn’t take lunch breaks and had the interests of our patients at heart. I objected to the suggestion that they may be over-claiming on purpose. Why was the organisation insisting I – a band 8a professional lead – calculate travel distances? This was a waste of professional time and would never be cost effective. |
| Eighteen months after returning to work, I decided to leave. I have set up my own business to promote innovation and learning for professionals working with disabled children. I love the NHS and being a children’s physiotherapist, so am doing cover work at a local trust. I do not think I will ever return to the NHS as a manager. I hope NHS organisations will give up their obsession with activity data and instead focus on empowering healthcare professionals to deliver good care for patients. | Eighteen months after returning to work, I decided to leave. I have set up my own business to promote innovation and learning for professionals working with disabled children. I love the NHS and being a children’s physiotherapist, so am doing cover work at a local trust. I do not think I will ever return to the NHS as a manager. I hope NHS organisations will give up their obsession with activity data and instead focus on empowering healthcare professionals to deliver good care for patients. |
| In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted by phoning 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here | In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted by phoning 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here |
| If you would like to contribute to our Blood, sweat and tears series about memorable moments in healthcare, read our guidelines and get in touch by emailing sarah.johnson@theguardian.com. | If you would like to contribute to our Blood, sweat and tears series about memorable moments in healthcare, read our guidelines and get in touch by emailing sarah.johnson@theguardian.com. |
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