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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| How to master tricky conversations at work | How to master tricky conversations at work |
| (4 days later) | |
| Many of us struggle to say what we need to at work. Whether it’s asking for a pay rise, reprimanding a colleague or confronting a co-worker over their behaviour, these conversations can be difficult to have without the other person taking offence. | Many of us struggle to say what we need to at work. Whether it’s asking for a pay rise, reprimanding a colleague or confronting a co-worker over their behaviour, these conversations can be difficult to have without the other person taking offence. |
| But equally, not being able to have “that conversation” causes frustration, and can even hold you back in your career. | But equally, not being able to have “that conversation” causes frustration, and can even hold you back in your career. |
| Why don’t we say what we mean? | Why don’t we say what we mean? |
| There’s several reasons why people don’t broach difficult topics at work. Perhaps we’ve learned not to rock the boat, we dread conflict, or we think that nothing will change even if we do pluck up the courage to speak out. Or we may think that an honest conversation will be career-limiting for us. So we stay quiet. | There’s several reasons why people don’t broach difficult topics at work. Perhaps we’ve learned not to rock the boat, we dread conflict, or we think that nothing will change even if we do pluck up the courage to speak out. Or we may think that an honest conversation will be career-limiting for us. So we stay quiet. |
| Being able to speak candidly is a key skill. Here’s my tips on how to tackle your next difficult conversation. | Being able to speak candidly is a key skill. Here’s my tips on how to tackle your next difficult conversation. |
| Plan | Plan |
| First, you need to plan what you’re going to say. Start with the end result in mind. Write down what you want out of the conversation and be clear on what you want to happen as a result. For example, you may decide: “I want to get an agreement on deadlines for this project and a clear outline of who will be responsible for each task.” | First, you need to plan what you’re going to say. Start with the end result in mind. Write down what you want out of the conversation and be clear on what you want to happen as a result. For example, you may decide: “I want to get an agreement on deadlines for this project and a clear outline of who will be responsible for each task.” |
| Think about how long you need for the conversation and where is the appropriate place to have it. The right environment is key – you don’t want somewhere too formal that will intimidate your colleague, or somewhere too casual where you may be overheard. | Think about how long you need for the conversation and where is the appropriate place to have it. The right environment is key – you don’t want somewhere too formal that will intimidate your colleague, or somewhere too casual where you may be overheard. |
| Prepare | Prepare |
| The second thing you need to do is write down the key messages you want to get across in the conversation. Practise saying them out loud (I like to record them on my phone and play back). You are not preparing a script, but this pre-work helps you be succinct and clear. It also helps you manage your emotions and think about the language you want to use. Remember to speak slowly; breathe. If you are particularly nervous, rehearse what you plan to say in front of a friend so you know you are coming across as you wish to. | The second thing you need to do is write down the key messages you want to get across in the conversation. Practise saying them out loud (I like to record them on my phone and play back). You are not preparing a script, but this pre-work helps you be succinct and clear. It also helps you manage your emotions and think about the language you want to use. Remember to speak slowly; breathe. If you are particularly nervous, rehearse what you plan to say in front of a friend so you know you are coming across as you wish to. |
| The language you use is also important. Consider the difference between these two phrases: “Steve, we’re very close to deadline date and you told me you are a bit behind. I’d like to support you with this and agree together a way to get the deadlines met. How does that sound?” and “Steve, you’re behind again. This has got to stop or there will be consequences.” If you use the first example, you’re looking for solutions together. That creates trust and openness. The second example is less likely to get a successful outcome. Words that directly criticise someone will agitate them unnecessarily. Avoid them. | The language you use is also important. Consider the difference between these two phrases: “Steve, we’re very close to deadline date and you told me you are a bit behind. I’d like to support you with this and agree together a way to get the deadlines met. How does that sound?” and “Steve, you’re behind again. This has got to stop or there will be consequences.” If you use the first example, you’re looking for solutions together. That creates trust and openness. The second example is less likely to get a successful outcome. Words that directly criticise someone will agitate them unnecessarily. Avoid them. |
| Be empathetic | Be empathetic |
| Finally, put yourself in the other person’s shoes – however frustrating that person might be. The useless boss who never gives you feedback is simply struggling with her own workload. The whinging team member who only has negative comments to make in the team meeting simply doesn’t have the skills to ask for what he wants directly. | Finally, put yourself in the other person’s shoes – however frustrating that person might be. The useless boss who never gives you feedback is simply struggling with her own workload. The whinging team member who only has negative comments to make in the team meeting simply doesn’t have the skills to ask for what he wants directly. |
| The more we can understand the other person’s worldview the more we can plan how to work with them towards a successful outcome. | The more we can understand the other person’s worldview the more we can plan how to work with them towards a successful outcome. |
| Remember... | Remember... |
| When you have the conversation, don’t get blind-sided by charismatic or fast talkers. If the person you’re speaking to starts to shirk blame or avoid your query, ask them what their part is in all of this and what they can take responsibility for. | When you have the conversation, don’t get blind-sided by charismatic or fast talkers. If the person you’re speaking to starts to shirk blame or avoid your query, ask them what their part is in all of this and what they can take responsibility for. |
| To manage your emotions during a difficult conversation, breathe deeply. And finally, if you feel under pressure, remember to respond slowly rather than reacting quickly. | To manage your emotions during a difficult conversation, breathe deeply. And finally, if you feel under pressure, remember to respond slowly rather than reacting quickly. |
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