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You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/jul/16/yassmin-must-stay-in-australia-im-not-done-exploiting-her-social-media-yet
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| Version 0 | Version 1 |
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| Yassmin must stay in Australia – I'm not done exploiting her social media yet | Yassmin must stay in Australia – I'm not done exploiting her social media yet |
| (6 months later) | |
| The conservative columnist industry needs Yassmin Abdel-Magied – or rightwing commentator Peter Chudd* will have nothing to be outraged about | |
| Peter Chudd | |
| Peter Chudd is Australia's most voracious rightwing pundit. He writes with the help of comedian James Colley | |
| Sun 16 Jul 2017 00.46 BST | |
| Last modified on Wed 20 Sep 2017 10.29 BST | |
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| It has been almost three months since Anzac day. | It has been almost three months since Anzac day. |
| Since then, tens of thousands of words have been written about Yassmin Abdel-Magied’s outrageous Facebook post lamenting war in general, on a day predetermined to be about lamenting specific wars. | Since then, tens of thousands of words have been written about Yassmin Abdel-Magied’s outrageous Facebook post lamenting war in general, on a day predetermined to be about lamenting specific wars. |
| We’ve seen her criticised for speaking her mind, for staying quiet, for leaving the country, for staying in the country. She’s been threatened, slandered and attacked on a near daily basis as fodder for a conservative commentariat desperate to represent her as an enemy of the nation. | We’ve seen her criticised for speaking her mind, for staying quiet, for leaving the country, for staying in the country. She’s been threatened, slandered and attacked on a near daily basis as fodder for a conservative commentariat desperate to represent her as an enemy of the nation. |
| As one of these commentators, I have written a number of articles about Yassmin, including but not limited to: Why Hasn’t Yassmin Personally Defeated ISIS Yet?; What Yassmin’s Instagram Photo Of A Bowl Of Granola Says About The Degradation Of Modern Australia; and A Definitive List Of Reasons Why I Should Get A Say In How A Young Woman I Don’t Know Lives Her Life. | As one of these commentators, I have written a number of articles about Yassmin, including but not limited to: Why Hasn’t Yassmin Personally Defeated ISIS Yet?; What Yassmin’s Instagram Photo Of A Bowl Of Granola Says About The Degradation Of Modern Australia; and A Definitive List Of Reasons Why I Should Get A Say In How A Young Woman I Don’t Know Lives Her Life. |
| In writing these pieces, I have slowly come to realise my folly. I’ve seen that, though her very existence riles me up for some reason, Yassmin is incredibly important to the Australian political scene. | In writing these pieces, I have slowly come to realise my folly. I’ve seen that, though her very existence riles me up for some reason, Yassmin is incredibly important to the Australian political scene. |
| We must acknowledge that at a time of identity crisis and bitter infighting among the nation’s right-wing, Yassmin is the only person capable of bringing us together. In a seven-word Facebook post, she achieved a feat that has eluded the prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull, for his entire tenure. | We must acknowledge that at a time of identity crisis and bitter infighting among the nation’s right-wing, Yassmin is the only person capable of bringing us together. In a seven-word Facebook post, she achieved a feat that has eluded the prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull, for his entire tenure. |
| As such, news that Yassmin has now left the country shook me to my core. I hadn’t considered this as a possibility. Sure, we’d been hounding her to leave the country, but that was just an incredibly racist thing we like to say to people like the race discrimination commissioner, Tim Soutphommasane. | As such, news that Yassmin has now left the country shook me to my core. I hadn’t considered this as a possibility. Sure, we’d been hounding her to leave the country, but that was just an incredibly racist thing we like to say to people like the race discrimination commissioner, Tim Soutphommasane. |
| Now I’ve been forced into a corner. This is a desperate last-minute appeal. Consider this my open plea to Yassmin or, failing that, the Australian Border Force: | Now I’ve been forced into a corner. This is a desperate last-minute appeal. Consider this my open plea to Yassmin or, failing that, the Australian Border Force: |
| Yassmin must be forced to return to Australia until such a time as I am done exploiting her social media feed for profit. | Yassmin must be forced to return to Australia until such a time as I am done exploiting her social media feed for profit. |
| Yassmin must be forced to return to Australia until such a time as I am done exploiting her social media feed for profit | Yassmin must be forced to return to Australia until such a time as I am done exploiting her social media feed for profit |
| I cannot overstate Yassmin’s importance to the Australian conservative columnist industry. Without Yassmin we’d have had nothing to write about for months. With Yassmin, we’ve still had nothing to write about – but when that happens we can just go at her over something. | I cannot overstate Yassmin’s importance to the Australian conservative columnist industry. Without Yassmin we’d have had nothing to write about for months. With Yassmin, we’ve still had nothing to write about – but when that happens we can just go at her over something. |
| A wonderful trick I employ now whenever I’m suffering from dreaded writer’s block is to log on to Yassmin’s twitter feed and scroll down until I find something I can take out of context for 500-700 words of outrage on a Sunday morning. If there’s nothing noteworthy in the tweets themselves, I’ll draw something out of Yassmin being openly Muslim – or, if i’m really desperate, I’ll just find her holiday itinerary and try my best to act outraged at a picture of a beach. Please, you can’t take this away from me. | A wonderful trick I employ now whenever I’m suffering from dreaded writer’s block is to log on to Yassmin’s twitter feed and scroll down until I find something I can take out of context for 500-700 words of outrage on a Sunday morning. If there’s nothing noteworthy in the tweets themselves, I’ll draw something out of Yassmin being openly Muslim – or, if i’m really desperate, I’ll just find her holiday itinerary and try my best to act outraged at a picture of a beach. Please, you can’t take this away from me. |
| People have claimed that it’s hypocritical for die-hard free speech advocates like myself to want Yassmin off our screens, but really it’s a beautiful example of free speech as we see it. You see, free speech isn’t available to everyone. You have to be of a certain background and political persuasion before your free speech is valid – but once you have passed this simple barrier, you can see how Yassmin’s life can be a wonderful boon to your free speech. | People have claimed that it’s hypocritical for die-hard free speech advocates like myself to want Yassmin off our screens, but really it’s a beautiful example of free speech as we see it. You see, free speech isn’t available to everyone. You have to be of a certain background and political persuasion before your free speech is valid – but once you have passed this simple barrier, you can see how Yassmin’s life can be a wonderful boon to your free speech. |
| Yassmin’s mere existence has inspired a new wave of creativity in the good, old-fashioned everyday Australian blowhard. This week alone we’ve seen white nationals posters bearing her image openly displayed in Sydney, and commentator Prue MacSween expressing her desire to hit Yassmin with a car. | Yassmin’s mere existence has inspired a new wave of creativity in the good, old-fashioned everyday Australian blowhard. This week alone we’ve seen white nationals posters bearing her image openly displayed in Sydney, and commentator Prue MacSween expressing her desire to hit Yassmin with a car. |
| And to quickly jump to Prue’s defence: her statement was clearly a joke. I don’t understand how the idea of finding an innocent person on the street and running them down in a premeditated murder attempt doesn’t strike people as inherently comical. What happened to this country’s sense of humour? We used to be a nation of larrikins, yet nowadays you can’t even casually threaten someone’s life without the outrage police kicking down your door – sometimes joined by the actual police because, yes, it is still a death threat. | And to quickly jump to Prue’s defence: her statement was clearly a joke. I don’t understand how the idea of finding an innocent person on the street and running them down in a premeditated murder attempt doesn’t strike people as inherently comical. What happened to this country’s sense of humour? We used to be a nation of larrikins, yet nowadays you can’t even casually threaten someone’s life without the outrage police kicking down your door – sometimes joined by the actual police because, yes, it is still a death threat. |
| Nowadays you can’t even casually threaten someone’s life without the outrage police kicking down your door | Nowadays you can’t even casually threaten someone’s life without the outrage police kicking down your door |
| It was bleedingly obvious Prue was being hyperbolic. Her statement was only misunderstood because it sounded a lot like the legitimate death threats that Yassmin had already received. The real problem here is that our society fails to correctly parse all the death threats made on a daily basis. | It was bleedingly obvious Prue was being hyperbolic. Her statement was only misunderstood because it sounded a lot like the legitimate death threats that Yassmin had already received. The real problem here is that our society fails to correctly parse all the death threats made on a daily basis. |
| It just goes to show what we’ve lost by letting Yassmin leave. | It just goes to show what we’ve lost by letting Yassmin leave. |
| Yassmin has claimed Australia is only happy to accept people who “toe the line”. To me, this is an outrageous idea. She knows very well that we in the media would not accept her even if she did toe the line. This isn’t about her line-toeing abilities. We’re simply trying to use her as an implicit threat to all non-white Australians that we will heartlessly crush all dissent. | Yassmin has claimed Australia is only happy to accept people who “toe the line”. To me, this is an outrageous idea. She knows very well that we in the media would not accept her even if she did toe the line. This isn’t about her line-toeing abilities. We’re simply trying to use her as an implicit threat to all non-white Australians that we will heartlessly crush all dissent. |
| And though this may seem over the top it’s only about the fourth most disturbing thing said about Yassmin this week – so I’m practically a moderate. | And though this may seem over the top it’s only about the fourth most disturbing thing said about Yassmin this week – so I’m practically a moderate. |
| Please, I beg of you, bring Yassmin Abdel-Magied back to Australia. Make her stay. Without her, I’ll have to confront my crumbling ideology and growing detachment to the real concerns of modern Australia. | Please, I beg of you, bring Yassmin Abdel-Magied back to Australia. Make her stay. Without her, I’ll have to confront my crumbling ideology and growing detachment to the real concerns of modern Australia. |
| Or I will need to find another scapegoat. Actually that seems much easier. Is Waleed on Twitter yet? | Or I will need to find another scapegoat. Actually that seems much easier. Is Waleed on Twitter yet? |
| * Peter Chudd was shouting down the phone to comedian James Colley. Too Right by Peter Chudd (with James Colley) is out in August through Allen and Unwin | * Peter Chudd was shouting down the phone to comedian James Colley. Too Right by Peter Chudd (with James Colley) is out in August through Allen and Unwin |
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