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Trump as a Novel: An Implausible ‘Soap Opera Without the Sex and Fun’ Trump as a Novel: An Implausible ‘Soap Opera Without the Sex and Fun’
(about 17 hours later)
WASHINGTON — So it’s a few days before the election last November — just a few more days, surely, before Donald J. Trump would return to his golden tower to start a niche TV venture and fill a sagging Twitter feed with exclamation-pointed despair — and a book agent goes to his client with an idea: How about something on the Trump White House That Wasn’t?WASHINGTON — So it’s a few days before the election last November — just a few more days, surely, before Donald J. Trump would return to his golden tower to start a niche TV venture and fill a sagging Twitter feed with exclamation-pointed despair — and a book agent goes to his client with an idea: How about something on the Trump White House That Wasn’t?
The writer — Steve Israel, then a Democratic congressman from New York, now at work on his third political satire — whips up a proposal, “Trumplandia.” Plot lines include a furtive meeting with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, overnight social media rockets fired from Mar-a-Lago and a top administration post for Ben Carson, now the secretary of housing and urban development, who once suggested through a surrogate that he was not qualified to run a federal agency.The writer — Steve Israel, then a Democratic congressman from New York, now at work on his third political satire — whips up a proposal, “Trumplandia.” Plot lines include a furtive meeting with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, overnight social media rockets fired from Mar-a-Lago and a top administration post for Ben Carson, now the secretary of housing and urban development, who once suggested through a surrogate that he was not qualified to run a federal agency.
“Highly implausible,” the agent said of the pitch then.“Highly implausible,” the agent said of the pitch then.
“My pen name could have been Nostradamus,” Mr. Israel says now.“My pen name could have been Nostradamus,” Mr. Israel says now.
Many classes of Washingtonian have struggled with these first six months in President Trump’s thrall: senators, fact-checkers, people who enjoy sleep. But in a city so enchanted by its own history, so practiced in projecting a seen-it-all nonchalance, it has been a particularly trying time for a certain kind of storytelling swamp creature.Many classes of Washingtonian have struggled with these first six months in President Trump’s thrall: senators, fact-checkers, people who enjoy sleep. But in a city so enchanted by its own history, so practiced in projecting a seen-it-all nonchalance, it has been a particularly trying time for a certain kind of storytelling swamp creature.
Novelists linger over blank pages. Historians grope for precedent, and shrug. Even past participants in scandal strain to follow the narrative arc.Novelists linger over blank pages. Historians grope for precedent, and shrug. Even past participants in scandal strain to follow the narrative arc.
“It’s early. We’re getting introduced to the characters,” said John Dean, the White House counsel and Watergate supporting player during the Nixon administration, who has become a frequent author in the decades since. “We’re not quite sure how this story is going to unfold, as comedy or tragedy.”“It’s early. We’re getting introduced to the characters,” said John Dean, the White House counsel and Watergate supporting player during the Nixon administration, who has become a frequent author in the decades since. “We’re not quite sure how this story is going to unfold, as comedy or tragedy.”
He does have a guess. He pleaded guilty to a felony once.He does have a guess. He pleaded guilty to a felony once.
At present, though, the elements for either genre are slotting into place — an Allen Drury novel crossed with Shakespeare, with final touches entrusted to producers for the E! network.At present, though, the elements for either genre are slotting into place — an Allen Drury novel crossed with Shakespeare, with final touches entrusted to producers for the E! network.
Foreign intrigue. Strained alliances at the Capitol. A blundering son. Face-lift tweets.Foreign intrigue. Strained alliances at the Capitol. A blundering son. Face-lift tweets.
There are nits to pick, and self-appointed editors to pick them. Where is this going? Which act are we on?There are nits to pick, and self-appointed editors to pick them. Where is this going? Which act are we on?
“It’s like a soap opera without the sex and fun,” grumbled Matt Latimer, an author and former speechwriter for President George W. Bush. (He is reminded that the administration is young.)“It’s like a soap opera without the sex and fun,” grumbled Matt Latimer, an author and former speechwriter for President George W. Bush. (He is reminded that the administration is young.)
Some have chafed at the pacing and repetitive story lines, like Republicans’ halting efforts to pass health care legislation.Some have chafed at the pacing and repetitive story lines, like Republicans’ halting efforts to pass health care legislation.
Others wonder whether some elements are a bit on the nose, like the subject line on Donald Trump Jr.’s email chain about meeting with a Kremlin-connected lawyer last year: “Russia - Clinton - private and confidential.”Others wonder whether some elements are a bit on the nose, like the subject line on Donald Trump Jr.’s email chain about meeting with a Kremlin-connected lawyer last year: “Russia - Clinton - private and confidential.”
Chekhov’s gun is not supposed to be fired skyward like a flare.Chekhov’s gun is not supposed to be fired skyward like a flare.
“The Great White Shark has been jumped, indeed, pole-vaulted,” said Christopher Buckley, the author of politically charged sendups like “Thank You for Smoking.” “American politics has given the satirist pretty much nowhere to go. But away.”“The Great White Shark has been jumped, indeed, pole-vaulted,” said Christopher Buckley, the author of politically charged sendups like “Thank You for Smoking.” “American politics has given the satirist pretty much nowhere to go. But away.”
And still the writers try, reaching for analogies that can manage to mangle past and present in equal measure.And still the writers try, reaching for analogies that can manage to mangle past and present in equal measure.
It’s Iran-contra with a spray tan, Lewinsky with a grande covfefe.It’s Iran-contra with a spray tan, Lewinsky with a grande covfefe.
It’s “The Godfather,” but this time there’s a silent son-in-law in charge of Middle East peace for some reason.It’s “The Godfather,” but this time there’s a silent son-in-law in charge of Middle East peace for some reason.
Sometimes inspiration springs from odd corners of the mind. William S. Cohen — the former Clinton administration secretary of defense, Republican senator from Maine and occasional novelist — was stirred recently by the memory of a poster on the back of a Senate Armed Services Committee bathroom during his tenure. It depicted Soviet soldiers on the march, he said, with a tagline that read, “Come visit us before we come visit you.”Sometimes inspiration springs from odd corners of the mind. William S. Cohen — the former Clinton administration secretary of defense, Republican senator from Maine and occasional novelist — was stirred recently by the memory of a poster on the back of a Senate Armed Services Committee bathroom during his tenure. It depicted Soviet soldiers on the march, he said, with a tagline that read, “Come visit us before we come visit you.”
“Well,” he said by phone, “the Russians have come to visit us.”“Well,” he said by phone, “the Russians have come to visit us.”
Late-night comedians have leaned most often on the Nixon age for comparison, with mixed success. In March, John Oliver, the host of HBO’s “Last Week Tonight,” described the Trump-Russia affair as “Stupid Watergate” — a prospective scandal “with all the intrigue of Watergate, except everyone involved is really bad at everything.”Late-night comedians have leaned most often on the Nixon age for comparison, with mixed success. In March, John Oliver, the host of HBO’s “Last Week Tonight,” described the Trump-Russia affair as “Stupid Watergate” — a prospective scandal “with all the intrigue of Watergate, except everyone involved is really bad at everything.”
He has found that the framing device is aging distressingly well.He has found that the framing device is aging distressingly well.
“Unfortunately, it was supposed to be a self-contained joke,” he told Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show” last week, “but current events are making it more and more relevant. Which is not normally how jokes work.”“Unfortunately, it was supposed to be a self-contained joke,” he told Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show” last week, “but current events are making it more and more relevant. Which is not normally how jokes work.”
The label seemed to offend Mr. Dean, of Nixonian infamy, by implication.The label seemed to offend Mr. Dean, of Nixonian infamy, by implication.
“Most people don’t appreciate how stupid Watergate was,” he said. “It was ham-fisted all over the place.”“Most people don’t appreciate how stupid Watergate was,” he said. “It was ham-fisted all over the place.”
No question. But rarely has the ham-fistedness felt so all-consuming, infusing even the simplest of tasks from a president who, seeing little need for subtext, tends to read the bracketed stage directions aloud.No question. But rarely has the ham-fistedness felt so all-consuming, infusing even the simplest of tasks from a president who, seeing little need for subtext, tends to read the bracketed stage directions aloud.
A scene:A scene:
For a moment this week, it seemed that the Senate health bill would be imperiled by a blood clot in Arizona, found in a war hero senator, John McCain, whom Mr. Trump once disparaged for being captured in combat. For a moment, it seemed that the Senate health bill would be imperiled by a blood clot in Arizona, found in a war hero senator, John McCain, whom Mr. Trump once disparaged for being captured in combat. (This legislative cliffhanger played out before Wednesday night, when Mr. McCain’s office said he had a brain tumor.)
The president appeared eager to play narrator this time. On Monday, the president appeared eager to play narrator.
“He’s a crusty voice in Washington,” he said of Mr. McCain, in something approaching a compliment. Then came the bottom line: “Plus, we need his vote.”“He’s a crusty voice in Washington,” he said of Mr. McCain, in something approaching a compliment. Then came the bottom line: “Plus, we need his vote.”
The Republicans did not, as it happened. By Tuesday, they needed his and several others they did not have. No one said Mr. Trump was a reliable narrator. They did not, as it happened. By Tuesday, they needed his and several others they did not have. No one said Mr. Trump was a reliable narrator.
But there it was again, a sharp detour in this most peculiar chapter, sending the capital lurching down a cul-de-sac so unfamiliar that Senator Jerry Moran of Kansas — Senator Jerry Moran! Of Kansas! — played a decisive role in felling Republicans’ signature legislative promise of the last seven years.But there it was again, a sharp detour in this most peculiar chapter, sending the capital lurching down a cul-de-sac so unfamiliar that Senator Jerry Moran of Kansas — Senator Jerry Moran! Of Kansas! — played a decisive role in felling Republicans’ signature legislative promise of the last seven years.
Maybe the tale will continue thus, hurtling forth in serialized chunks before a finale that may or may not arrive before January 2025.Maybe the tale will continue thus, hurtling forth in serialized chunks before a finale that may or may not arrive before January 2025.
Mr. Israel, the congressman-turned-novelist, saw another ending once upon a time — liberal fantasy stacked upon liberal fantasy.Mr. Israel, the congressman-turned-novelist, saw another ending once upon a time — liberal fantasy stacked upon liberal fantasy.
His book proposal concludes on Inauguration Day 2021. Mr. Trump, scandal-tarred and missing his real estate life, has decided against another run. Ground has already been broken on the Trump presidential library in Palm Beach, Fla.His book proposal concludes on Inauguration Day 2021. Mr. Trump, scandal-tarred and missing his real estate life, has decided against another run. Ground has already been broken on the Trump presidential library in Palm Beach, Fla.
And as a helicopter whirs off, hauling the former president away, the book’s protagonist, a Trump press secretary named Jared Gold, sees an email: “President Sanders wants to meet with you.”And as a helicopter whirs off, hauling the former president away, the book’s protagonist, a Trump press secretary named Jared Gold, sees an email: “President Sanders wants to meet with you.”