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You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/sep/23/our-daughters-must-not-be-scared-to-talk-about-mental-health-issues
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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| 'Our daughters must not be scared to talk about mental health issues' | |
| (25 days later) | |
| Daughter | Daughter |
| Orli Vogt-Vincent, 17, from London: I can never forget the feeling of being trapped in my own mind | Orli Vogt-Vincent, 17, from London: I can never forget the feeling of being trapped in my own mind |
| I barely recognise the person I was a year ago, when anxiety took over my life. My daily routine involved running out of class unable to breathe and being found somewhere around school hyperventilating and in tears. Today I’m still a perfectionist but after years of cognitive behavioural therapy and moving to a sixth-form college that has made me happy, I haven’t walked out of a class in 10 months. | I barely recognise the person I was a year ago, when anxiety took over my life. My daily routine involved running out of class unable to breathe and being found somewhere around school hyperventilating and in tears. Today I’m still a perfectionist but after years of cognitive behavioural therapy and moving to a sixth-form college that has made me happy, I haven’t walked out of a class in 10 months. |
| My panic attacks are now rare, and my tears have been replaced by laughter. It has been a battle to get here but I have worked incredibly hard on myself with help from my family, friends and incredible teachers, past and present. I can never forget the feeling of being trapped in my own mind. For me, anxiety will always linger in the background. It is made worse by a culture and education system that has a very restrictive definition of achievement and that seems to put success over survival. Anxiety has been a constant struggle, but it is a struggle I am winning. | My panic attacks are now rare, and my tears have been replaced by laughter. It has been a battle to get here but I have worked incredibly hard on myself with help from my family, friends and incredible teachers, past and present. I can never forget the feeling of being trapped in my own mind. For me, anxiety will always linger in the background. It is made worse by a culture and education system that has a very restrictive definition of achievement and that seems to put success over survival. Anxiety has been a constant struggle, but it is a struggle I am winning. |
| Mother | Mother |
| Beverley Vincent, 55: As a family, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now | Beverley Vincent, 55: As a family, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now |
| Orli has experienced anxiety since she was at primary school. She used to get really anxious about her work and worry she was not good enough. We got in touch with children’s mental health services, and she saw a psychiatrist when she was 11. | Orli has experienced anxiety since she was at primary school. She used to get really anxious about her work and worry she was not good enough. We got in touch with children’s mental health services, and she saw a psychiatrist when she was 11. |
| She got better, and then the year before her GCSEs her anxiety escalated again. She was having to leave class because of panic attacks and collapsing at school. She could not sit some of her exams. She put so much pressure on herself to do well. | She got better, and then the year before her GCSEs her anxiety escalated again. She was having to leave class because of panic attacks and collapsing at school. She could not sit some of her exams. She put so much pressure on herself to do well. |
| We have strategies to cope but we cannot tell her what to do. | We have strategies to cope but we cannot tell her what to do. |
| It’s been challenging for us as a family but, after a long wait, we got her some support through children’s mental health services. She had cognitive behavioural therapy, is now doing her A-levels and is much happier but we know that there may be challenges ahead. She has surprised us a lot this year, coping with lots of difficult times. She has managed, and that is a huge relief for us but we know mental health problems do not just disappear. | It’s been challenging for us as a family but, after a long wait, we got her some support through children’s mental health services. She had cognitive behavioural therapy, is now doing her A-levels and is much happier but we know that there may be challenges ahead. She has surprised us a lot this year, coping with lots of difficult times. She has managed, and that is a huge relief for us but we know mental health problems do not just disappear. |
| As a family, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now and have strategies to cope. She is older now so we cannot tell her what to do and we have got to hope she finds her way through it. As a parent, you need to make sure your child is not scared to talk about what is going on. | As a family, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now and have strategies to cope. She is older now so we cannot tell her what to do and we have got to hope she finds her way through it. As a parent, you need to make sure your child is not scared to talk about what is going on. |
| Daughter | Daughter |
| Tara, 17, from Blackpool: You end up putting your entire self-worth on how many ‘likes’ you get on social media | Tara, 17, from Blackpool: You end up putting your entire self-worth on how many ‘likes’ you get on social media |
| When I was 14, I experienced depression. I was doing well at school but never felt that it was “good” enough. Social media made me feel worse because you end up putting your entire self-worth on the number of likes you get on a post. | When I was 14, I experienced depression. I was doing well at school but never felt that it was “good” enough. Social media made me feel worse because you end up putting your entire self-worth on the number of likes you get on a post. |
| I would get dark thoughts and developed obsessive compulsive tendencies. For example, if I didn’t wash my hands a certain number of times, I worried that something bad would happen. I withdrew and eventually spoke to my parents who got me help through children’s mental health services but I did not find the service very helpful and am now coping my own way. | I would get dark thoughts and developed obsessive compulsive tendencies. For example, if I didn’t wash my hands a certain number of times, I worried that something bad would happen. I withdrew and eventually spoke to my parents who got me help through children’s mental health services but I did not find the service very helpful and am now coping my own way. |
| If a post does not get more than 100 likes, it's depressing. | If a post does not get more than 100 likes, it's depressing. |
| I still feel low but try to be positive. I find walking my dog is helpful and getting out also makes me feel productive. My sister, who is younger than me, has also recently started experiencing depression, so I have been trying to be strong to help her. | I still feel low but try to be positive. I find walking my dog is helpful and getting out also makes me feel productive. My sister, who is younger than me, has also recently started experiencing depression, so I have been trying to be strong to help her. |
| Mental health problems have had a huge impact on my family. My parents always blame themselves, no matter how many times my sister and I say it is not their fault. | Mental health problems have had a huge impact on my family. My parents always blame themselves, no matter how many times my sister and I say it is not their fault. |
| Social media is definitely adding to the problems young people are having, especially girls. If a post does not get more than 100 likes it’s depressing. If you asked anyone my age, they would say the same. But the more likes you get, the more you need, so 100 is enough and then it isn’t any more and you want 200 or more. There is a great deal of pressure bearing down on us. | Social media is definitely adding to the problems young people are having, especially girls. If a post does not get more than 100 likes it’s depressing. If you asked anyone my age, they would say the same. But the more likes you get, the more you need, so 100 is enough and then it isn’t any more and you want 200 or more. There is a great deal of pressure bearing down on us. |
| Mother | Mother |
| Sophie Kennedy, 47: She showed me her scars from self-harming and I was heartbroken | Sophie Kennedy, 47: She showed me her scars from self-harming and I was heartbroken |
| When I found out my daughter was self-harming, it was like someone punched me in the gut. I found out by accident when I walked past her phone which was charging in the hall. It was dark and a text popped up from a friend saying: “Oh my God, you need to tell your mum.” In the message before it Tara had said she was bleeding and did not know what to do. | When I found out my daughter was self-harming, it was like someone punched me in the gut. I found out by accident when I walked past her phone which was charging in the hall. It was dark and a text popped up from a friend saying: “Oh my God, you need to tell your mum.” In the message before it Tara had said she was bleeding and did not know what to do. |
| We support her by having very open conversations – she tells me everything. | We support her by having very open conversations – she tells me everything. |
| At first I did not believe it was true and thought she had made up self-harming for attention. My daughter has a pathological fear of blood. But when I challenged her on it she showed me her scars and I was heartbroken. I took her to children’s mental health services in Blackpool and we went to see a counsellor. After that, she stopped self-harming and improved massively but she still suffers with anxiety, panic attacks and borderline OCD. | At first I did not believe it was true and thought she had made up self-harming for attention. My daughter has a pathological fear of blood. But when I challenged her on it she showed me her scars and I was heartbroken. I took her to children’s mental health services in Blackpool and we went to see a counsellor. After that, she stopped self-harming and improved massively but she still suffers with anxiety, panic attacks and borderline OCD. |
| We support her by having very open conversations. She tells me everything and we are very honest with each other. In the first 24 hours after finding out she was self-harming I reacted in completely the wrong way. I lost my temper and said I was disappointed in her. I read online afterwards that is exactly what you should not do. She is much better now but still has dark days which we support her through. | We support her by having very open conversations. She tells me everything and we are very honest with each other. In the first 24 hours after finding out she was self-harming I reacted in completely the wrong way. I lost my temper and said I was disappointed in her. I read online afterwards that is exactly what you should not do. She is much better now but still has dark days which we support her through. |
| Daughter | Daughter |
| Sophie Edwards, 20, from Chislehurst: Feeling trapped triggered my first panic attack | Sophie Edwards, 20, from Chislehurst: Feeling trapped triggered my first panic attack |
| I was seven when I had my first panic attack. We were on holiday in Devon and after a day at the beach we had to drive up a steep hill to leave and our car couldn’t quite make it, leaving us rolling backwards and we crashed. I instantly panicked as I felt trapped, which then triggered my panic attack. My mum took me out of the car and helped calm me down. | I was seven when I had my first panic attack. We were on holiday in Devon and after a day at the beach we had to drive up a steep hill to leave and our car couldn’t quite make it, leaving us rolling backwards and we crashed. I instantly panicked as I felt trapped, which then triggered my panic attack. My mum took me out of the car and helped calm me down. |
| Since then, I’ve had them at school and now university. It’s only been in the past few years where the stress of work and pressure to succeed has triggered them to come back. | Since then, I’ve had them at school and now university. It’s only been in the past few years where the stress of work and pressure to succeed has triggered them to come back. |
| I use social media and my blog to seek help and advice. | I use social media and my blog to seek help and advice. |
| I’m now at the point where I can manage it a bit better and I am on the waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy. I use social media and my blog Petals of Perfection, as a way of seeking help and advice from people. This also gives me the chance to share my story and hopefully help others. | I’m now at the point where I can manage it a bit better and I am on the waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy. I use social media and my blog Petals of Perfection, as a way of seeking help and advice from people. This also gives me the chance to share my story and hopefully help others. |
| I have had a lot of support from my family who have encouraged me to keep fighting and succeeding in everything I do. Having that support there is so important and it makes everything easier to manage. | I have had a lot of support from my family who have encouraged me to keep fighting and succeeding in everything I do. Having that support there is so important and it makes everything easier to manage. |
| Father | Father |
| Martin Edwards, 51: I have been through depression and always show my daughter support | Martin Edwards, 51: I have been through depression and always show my daughter support |
| My daughter experiences social anxiety and depression, which I think started when her granddad passed away five years ago. It was really the first death in the family she had experienced and they were so close. She seems to go through good patches where she is fine and then she has lulls. She uses social media a lot and I normally find out how she is feeling through that, as she seems to use it as a release. Speaking to people who are going through the same kind of problems helps her a lot as it makes her realise she is not alone and that others are, unfortunately, suffering as well. | My daughter experiences social anxiety and depression, which I think started when her granddad passed away five years ago. It was really the first death in the family she had experienced and they were so close. She seems to go through good patches where she is fine and then she has lulls. She uses social media a lot and I normally find out how she is feeling through that, as she seems to use it as a release. Speaking to people who are going through the same kind of problems helps her a lot as it makes her realise she is not alone and that others are, unfortunately, suffering as well. |
| I too experienced depression for three years after the death of my brother David in 1992, aged 30. He died of a heart attack out of the blue, playing football. My mum was a widow and she had lost one of her two sons so I felt I had to man up and look after her. It was not until nine years later that the grief hit me and that’s what started my downward spiral into panic attacks and depression. | I too experienced depression for three years after the death of my brother David in 1992, aged 30. He died of a heart attack out of the blue, playing football. My mum was a widow and she had lost one of her two sons so I felt I had to man up and look after her. It was not until nine years later that the grief hit me and that’s what started my downward spiral into panic attacks and depression. |
| As I have been through it – and luckily came out the other end – I always show support to Sophie. I know what she is going through and I can tell her to calm her breathing down if she is having a panic attack. The impact on our family hasn’t been too bad as we are very close and are always there for each other. If a child is struggling it’s best to listen to everything they say and encourage them to open up. | As I have been through it – and luckily came out the other end – I always show support to Sophie. I know what she is going through and I can tell her to calm her breathing down if she is having a panic attack. The impact on our family hasn’t been too bad as we are very close and are always there for each other. If a child is struggling it’s best to listen to everything they say and encourage them to open up. |
| In the UK the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international suicide helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. | In the UK the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international suicide helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. |
| Mental health | Mental health |
| Girls' mental health crisis | Girls' mental health crisis |
| Health | Health |
| Children | Children |
| Young people | Young people |
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