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Theresa May trades LBC radio for Radio Ga Ga at PMQs Theresa May trades LBC radio for Radio Ga Ga at PMQs
(4 months later)
The prime minister found enemies on all sides of the chamber during an exchange that saw her fail on questions about Brexit and universal credit
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Wed 11 Oct 2017 19.36 BST
Last modified on Mon 27 Nov 2017 15.35 GMT
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Right now, every day is a bad day for Theresa May. When she isn’t being hobbled by infighting in her own party, she’s busy undermining herself through her own incompetence and inertia. Just about the only thing she’s got going for her is that she isn’t quite as hapless as Liz Truss.Right now, every day is a bad day for Theresa May. When she isn’t being hobbled by infighting in her own party, she’s busy undermining herself through her own incompetence and inertia. Just about the only thing she’s got going for her is that she isn’t quite as hapless as Liz Truss.
Not so long ago, prime minister’s questions was something of a non-event. The mediocre up against the mediocre. But Jeremy Corbyn has upped his game considerably since the June election and Theresa is crumbling under the pressure. She looked down-trodden and miserable even before the session had got under way.Not so long ago, prime minister’s questions was something of a non-event. The mediocre up against the mediocre. But Jeremy Corbyn has upped his game considerably since the June election and Theresa is crumbling under the pressure. She looked down-trodden and miserable even before the session had got under way.
A half-smile momentarily passed across her lips when she realised Corbyn’s first question wasn’t about her car-crash LBC interview – the Labour leader might also be on shaky ground in regard to his voting intentions – but gloom rapidly set in once more when she heard the words ‘universal’ and ‘credit’. The Tories were the only party that really cared so much about the poor it wanted to make them poorer so it could care about them even more, she mumbled.A half-smile momentarily passed across her lips when she realised Corbyn’s first question wasn’t about her car-crash LBC interview – the Labour leader might also be on shaky ground in regard to his voting intentions – but gloom rapidly set in once more when she heard the words ‘universal’ and ‘credit’. The Tories were the only party that really cared so much about the poor it wanted to make them poorer so it could care about them even more, she mumbled.
Corbyn pressed on. What planet was the prime minister on if she thought claimants could afford the 55p a minute universal credit telephone helpline? Theresa shrugged. 55p sounded about right to her. If you made the helpline too cheap then any old sod would ring up to complain about something. It made far more sense to make it prohibitively expensive so then you would only need a couple of people to staff it. That was a government delivering value for money for everyone.Corbyn pressed on. What planet was the prime minister on if she thought claimants could afford the 55p a minute universal credit telephone helpline? Theresa shrugged. 55p sounded about right to her. If you made the helpline too cheap then any old sod would ring up to complain about something. It made far more sense to make it prohibitively expensive so then you would only need a couple of people to staff it. That was a government delivering value for money for everyone.
“If you can’t lead, then leave,” Corbyn rasped. Theresa looked as if there was nothing she’d like to do more, but it was her punishment to endure another 30 minutes. Conservative Heidi Allen made sure the prime minister got no respite by continuing to question the government’s refusal to rethink its universal credit roll-out. The policy is almost as unpopular on the government benches as it is on the opposition.“If you can’t lead, then leave,” Corbyn rasped. Theresa looked as if there was nothing she’d like to do more, but it was her punishment to endure another 30 minutes. Conservative Heidi Allen made sure the prime minister got no respite by continuing to question the government’s refusal to rethink its universal credit roll-out. The policy is almost as unpopular on the government benches as it is on the opposition.
SNP leader, Ian Blackford, stepped in where Corbyn had feared to tread. He knew how he would vote if another EU referendum were to be held; why couldn’t the prime minister say how she would vote? “There isn’t going to be a second referendum,” she insisted, her voice bordering on the hysterical. Which wasn’t exactly the point. For the second time in two days, the prime minister as good as admitted she had no confidence in her own government’s position on Brexit. Not a great look for the person who is meant to be responsible for it.SNP leader, Ian Blackford, stepped in where Corbyn had feared to tread. He knew how he would vote if another EU referendum were to be held; why couldn’t the prime minister say how she would vote? “There isn’t going to be a second referendum,” she insisted, her voice bordering on the hysterical. Which wasn’t exactly the point. For the second time in two days, the prime minister as good as admitted she had no confidence in her own government’s position on Brexit. Not a great look for the person who is meant to be responsible for it.
This was too much for several of her more sentient backbenchers. They’d tried to love her, tried to be supportive but they had had enough. Some hung their heads in despair. Others left the chamber. Several shots rang out. It was her or them. Given the prime minister’s likely replacements, it was far less painful to do away with themselves.This was too much for several of her more sentient backbenchers. They’d tried to love her, tried to be supportive but they had had enough. Some hung their heads in despair. Others left the chamber. Several shots rang out. It was her or them. Given the prime minister’s likely replacements, it was far less painful to do away with themselves.
And not a moment too soon. Now the Maybot’s motherboard began to creak and her circuits went into meltdown. When Labour’s Heidi Alexander suggested she was ramping up the no deal rhetoric merely to placate the rabid right who wanted a punitive hard Brexit, she lost it completely.And not a moment too soon. Now the Maybot’s motherboard began to creak and her circuits went into meltdown. When Labour’s Heidi Alexander suggested she was ramping up the no deal rhetoric merely to placate the rabid right who wanted a punitive hard Brexit, she lost it completely.
She flung her papers across the dispatch box. And could only watch in horror as they started to fall off. It’s come to something when the prime minister can’t even get a hissy fit right. The government was planning for a deal, she grumped. She didn’t know what kind of a deal it would be but it would definitely be a deal. Because even no deal was a deal of sorts.She flung her papers across the dispatch box. And could only watch in horror as they started to fall off. It’s come to something when the prime minister can’t even get a hissy fit right. The government was planning for a deal, she grumped. She didn’t know what kind of a deal it would be but it would definitely be a deal. Because even no deal was a deal of sorts.
With many MPs on the Labour benches now openly laughing at the prime minister, Wendy Morton, the tamest of tame Tories, tried to come her rescue. Wouldn’t everything be so much worse under Labour? she asked. Something stirred in the Maybot’s failing memory. After 20 minutes, she had finally found her near-instant response to Corbyn’s gag.With many MPs on the Labour benches now openly laughing at the prime minister, Wendy Morton, the tamest of tame Tories, tried to come her rescue. Wouldn’t everything be so much worse under Labour? she asked. Something stirred in the Maybot’s failing memory. After 20 minutes, she had finally found her near-instant response to Corbyn’s gag.
“You’re on Planet Venezuela,” she spluttered. Philip Hammond passed her a note. Venezuela wasn’t a planet. It was a country. On planet Earth. Where she was meant to be from. It was the joke that wasn’t.“You’re on Planet Venezuela,” she spluttered. Philip Hammond passed her a note. Venezuela wasn’t a planet. It was a country. On planet Earth. Where she was meant to be from. It was the joke that wasn’t.
No one laughed. Not even out of pity. Yesterday the prime minister had been on LBC radio. Today she was on Radio Ga Ga.No one laughed. Not even out of pity. Yesterday the prime minister had been on LBC radio. Today she was on Radio Ga Ga.
PMQs
The politics sketch
Theresa May
Conservatives
House of Commons
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