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| Harvey Weinstein's alleged behaviour is the accepted way in LA | Harvey Weinstein's alleged behaviour is the accepted way in LA |
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| In the mid-2000s, when I was in my early 20s, I left a long-running TV show in the UK and went to Los Angeles to pursue my dream. I arrived knowing no one, but I had a manager set up through my London agent, and I got the very first job I auditioned for, which was the female lead in a pilot shooting in an exotic location – dream come true! | In the mid-2000s, when I was in my early 20s, I left a long-running TV show in the UK and went to Los Angeles to pursue my dream. I arrived knowing no one, but I had a manager set up through my London agent, and I got the very first job I auditioned for, which was the female lead in a pilot shooting in an exotic location – dream come true! |
| I was cast by the producers, so had to meet the director separately. He was friendly and charming. He started inviting me out in the evenings, so we could get to know each other. As I had no friends in LA, I didn’t think twice about going. He then said he wanted to take me to his family home in the mountains outside LA, along with the other main cast, so we could get some preparatory work done. | I was cast by the producers, so had to meet the director separately. He was friendly and charming. He started inviting me out in the evenings, so we could get to know each other. As I had no friends in LA, I didn’t think twice about going. He then said he wanted to take me to his family home in the mountains outside LA, along with the other main cast, so we could get some preparatory work done. |
| But when we arrived none of the other cast were there. We did not talk about the script once, but as he didn’t make a move on me, and there were other members of his family around during the weekend, I just went with it. He told me after the weekend to not tell anyone that he took me, as he didn’t want people thinking I had preferential treatment. | But when we arrived none of the other cast were there. We did not talk about the script once, but as he didn’t make a move on me, and there were other members of his family around during the weekend, I just went with it. He told me after the weekend to not tell anyone that he took me, as he didn’t want people thinking I had preferential treatment. |
| When I got to the set, he acted as if he had never met me before. He was dismissive and rude to me. The first scene I filmed was in an outdoor shower (naked apart from some stickers on my bits). I had never met any of the all-male crew, and no one introduced themselves to me. There had been no discussion about how this scene would go. The director showed me where to stand, made me drop my towel, and shouted at me “Get your hands up!” so that I was exposed to the whole crew. During the entire shoot, he never once gave me any encouragement, or referred to my acting, or the work I was doing. In scenes with other people, he would shower them with praise, and completely ignore me. What was supposed to be a dream job left me feeling vulnerable, insecure, and very, very confused. I didn’t tell anyone about it, because what would I say? Writing this down now makes me feel such anger, anger that I didn’t feel then. Then, I only felt shame and humiliation. And sadness, that the experience I had been so excited about had been such a disappointment. | When I got to the set, he acted as if he had never met me before. He was dismissive and rude to me. The first scene I filmed was in an outdoor shower (naked apart from some stickers on my bits). I had never met any of the all-male crew, and no one introduced themselves to me. There had been no discussion about how this scene would go. The director showed me where to stand, made me drop my towel, and shouted at me “Get your hands up!” so that I was exposed to the whole crew. During the entire shoot, he never once gave me any encouragement, or referred to my acting, or the work I was doing. In scenes with other people, he would shower them with praise, and completely ignore me. What was supposed to be a dream job left me feeling vulnerable, insecure, and very, very confused. I didn’t tell anyone about it, because what would I say? Writing this down now makes me feel such anger, anger that I didn’t feel then. Then, I only felt shame and humiliation. And sadness, that the experience I had been so excited about had been such a disappointment. |
| I’m writing this because it’s important to emphasise that Harvey Weinstein’s alleged behaviour was not unique to him, although he does seem to have been the worst of a disgusting bunch. It is absolutely just the accepted way of things. I never met Weinstein, but if I ever did as a young actor, I would be lying if I said that I would not be as charming as I could be to him, even though I had heard all the rumours about his behaviour. And my agents would have encouraged any kind of interaction with him, I’m sure. | I’m writing this because it’s important to emphasise that Harvey Weinstein’s alleged behaviour was not unique to him, although he does seem to have been the worst of a disgusting bunch. It is absolutely just the accepted way of things. I never met Weinstein, but if I ever did as a young actor, I would be lying if I said that I would not be as charming as I could be to him, even though I had heard all the rumours about his behaviour. And my agents would have encouraged any kind of interaction with him, I’m sure. |
| Back in LA over the next couple of years there were various other incidents with men in the business. After a meeting with a big producer, my agent called and said: “He liked you very much, he wants your personal number.” They also said he would put me in a film, and as this recommendation was coming from my agent, whom I trusted, I said yes. The producer would then call me randomly, and try to talk intimately on the phone, saying things like “I wish I could be with you right now”. I didn’t even know the guy, I just tried to be polite and friendly. The calls stopped when he realised it was going nowhere. I was never asked to audition for any of his movies. | Back in LA over the next couple of years there were various other incidents with men in the business. After a meeting with a big producer, my agent called and said: “He liked you very much, he wants your personal number.” They also said he would put me in a film, and as this recommendation was coming from my agent, whom I trusted, I said yes. The producer would then call me randomly, and try to talk intimately on the phone, saying things like “I wish I could be with you right now”. I didn’t even know the guy, I just tried to be polite and friendly. The calls stopped when he realised it was going nowhere. I was never asked to audition for any of his movies. |
| Another time my manager set up a meeting with a man who was producing a big TV show at the time. The meeting was scheduled for early evening, in a bar. I didn’t think anything of it as it was an official meeting. During the meeting I was treading that fine line which women actors have to, which is to be engaging, friendly and open without being flirtatious. After a couple of beers, out of the blue, the producer lunged in to kiss me. I turned my face away, and tried to make it OK for him by making a joke. I remember him blaming his “two-beer buzz”. He left, and needless to say I never heard from him again, and never worked for him. I told my manager about what happened, but no one thought it was a big deal. | Another time my manager set up a meeting with a man who was producing a big TV show at the time. The meeting was scheduled for early evening, in a bar. I didn’t think anything of it as it was an official meeting. During the meeting I was treading that fine line which women actors have to, which is to be engaging, friendly and open without being flirtatious. After a couple of beers, out of the blue, the producer lunged in to kiss me. I turned my face away, and tried to make it OK for him by making a joke. I remember him blaming his “two-beer buzz”. He left, and needless to say I never heard from him again, and never worked for him. I told my manager about what happened, but no one thought it was a big deal. |
| My agents and managers would set up these meetings for me and I would tell them exactly what happened, so they were, as probably all Hollywood agents and managers are, complicit in the exploitation and degradation of actors. This is why I never really thought that much about these things when they happened to me: I just accepted them as part of the job. I didn’t acknowledge them for being the disgusting abuses of power that they were. The allegations about Weinstein are not revelations at all. Everyone knew about it to varying degrees. | My agents and managers would set up these meetings for me and I would tell them exactly what happened, so they were, as probably all Hollywood agents and managers are, complicit in the exploitation and degradation of actors. This is why I never really thought that much about these things when they happened to me: I just accepted them as part of the job. I didn’t acknowledge them for being the disgusting abuses of power that they were. The allegations about Weinstein are not revelations at all. Everyone knew about it to varying degrees. |
| Working as an actor in England, I didn’t experience any sexualised behaviour from men in power – but there are other issues. In America, anyone can make a go of it, and if you’re the right person for the job, you get the part. There is an inherent snobbishness that pervades the industry in the UK, and that is propagated in part by casting directors, who are largely female. It’s terrible that in Hollywood as a young woman there’s a chance that you’ll have to deal with sexual advances from men in power, but at least you can get in the door. | Working as an actor in England, I didn’t experience any sexualised behaviour from men in power – but there are other issues. In America, anyone can make a go of it, and if you’re the right person for the job, you get the part. There is an inherent snobbishness that pervades the industry in the UK, and that is propagated in part by casting directors, who are largely female. It’s terrible that in Hollywood as a young woman there’s a chance that you’ll have to deal with sexual advances from men in power, but at least you can get in the door. |
| I realised over time that the job wasn’t for me. After leaving acting behind, I am now a creative producer, initiating my own work, with several projects in development at reputable companies. I have had no problem as a woman in this area, so far. It is truly wonderful to be in control of my own work. | I realised over time that the job wasn’t for me. After leaving acting behind, I am now a creative producer, initiating my own work, with several projects in development at reputable companies. I have had no problem as a woman in this area, so far. It is truly wonderful to be in control of my own work. |