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| For Older Gays Who Might Re-enter the Closet, a Ball Invites Them Out | |
| (about 13 hours later) | |
| MELBOURNE, Australia — As hundreds of guests ascended a rainbow-lit staircase at Melbourne’s Town Hall, Tristan Meecham dashed around the foyer — embracing a woman who arrived in a gold mask; kissing a stooped, tuxedoed gentleman on the cheek; and occasionally sending a “whoop!” across the room. | MELBOURNE, Australia — As hundreds of guests ascended a rainbow-lit staircase at Melbourne’s Town Hall, Tristan Meecham dashed around the foyer — embracing a woman who arrived in a gold mask; kissing a stooped, tuxedoed gentleman on the cheek; and occasionally sending a “whoop!” across the room. |
| He fanned himself vigorously. He was doing it all in six-inch stilettos. | He fanned himself vigorously. He was doing it all in six-inch stilettos. |
| The soiree, held one Saturday evening in October, was the inaugural Coming Back Out Ball, an event intended to honor older gay, transgender and intersex people and dreamed up by Mr. Meecham, 34. | The soiree, held one Saturday evening in October, was the inaugural Coming Back Out Ball, an event intended to honor older gay, transgender and intersex people and dreamed up by Mr. Meecham, 34. |
| Guests arrived from across the country. Some came with partners of more than 30 years, and others had only just come out in their 70s or 80s. | Guests arrived from across the country. Some came with partners of more than 30 years, and others had only just come out in their 70s or 80s. |
| The ball came at an important moment for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in Australia, as the country awaits the results of a postal survey on whether same-sex marriage should be legalized. | The ball came at an important moment for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in Australia, as the country awaits the results of a postal survey on whether same-sex marriage should be legalized. |
| Mr. Meecham, the artistic director of the performance company All the Queens Men, said the event was a gift to those who had paved the way. The ball, he said, was also an effort to spotlight an issue rarely discussed: the tendency of L.G.B.T. people to hide that part of their identities when they enter nursing homes or receive at-home care. | Mr. Meecham, the artistic director of the performance company All the Queens Men, said the event was a gift to those who had paved the way. The ball, he said, was also an effort to spotlight an issue rarely discussed: the tendency of L.G.B.T. people to hide that part of their identities when they enter nursing homes or receive at-home care. |
| “We need to be thinking about what equality means, beyond just marriage equality,” Mr. Meecham said. | “We need to be thinking about what equality means, beyond just marriage equality,” Mr. Meecham said. |
| Many older L.G.B.T. Australians have endured decades of discrimination, sexual and physical violence, and forced medical or psychological treatment. Some still have criminal records for homosexuality. (Australia’s final laws against sodomy were repealed in 1997.) | Many older L.G.B.T. Australians have endured decades of discrimination, sexual and physical violence, and forced medical or psychological treatment. Some still have criminal records for homosexuality. (Australia’s final laws against sodomy were repealed in 1997.) |
| Older gay and transgender people are used to hiding their bodily or sexual differences to protect themselves, said Dr. Catherine Barrett, an elder care researcher and activist. For some older gays, she said, their last experience with the health system may have been a forced visit to an institution decades ago. Those experiences can make it hard for them to feel safe, she said. | Older gay and transgender people are used to hiding their bodily or sexual differences to protect themselves, said Dr. Catherine Barrett, an elder care researcher and activist. For some older gays, she said, their last experience with the health system may have been a forced visit to an institution decades ago. Those experiences can make it hard for them to feel safe, she said. |
| At the ball, the guests settled in to watch a night of cabaret, drag and opera over a three-course dinner. | At the ball, the guests settled in to watch a night of cabaret, drag and opera over a three-course dinner. |
| Many were fabulously dressed, such as a man outfitted like Liberace, but Brian Day, 77, said he preferred to wear his “new trackie-daks,” or sweatpants. On his flannel shirt was pinned his Order of Australia medal, awarded for his services during the AIDS crisis and to the gay-rights movement. When the dancing started, he watched and shuffled his feet. | Many were fabulously dressed, such as a man outfitted like Liberace, but Brian Day, 77, said he preferred to wear his “new trackie-daks,” or sweatpants. On his flannel shirt was pinned his Order of Australia medal, awarded for his services during the AIDS crisis and to the gay-rights movement. When the dancing started, he watched and shuffled his feet. |
| His body, he said, can get sore sometimes. | His body, he said, can get sore sometimes. |
| “I’ve been beaten up three times in my adult life, including once in my flat, my own place,” he said. “For us, the world is violent.” | “I’ve been beaten up three times in my adult life, including once in my flat, my own place,” he said. “For us, the world is violent.” |
| While he currently lives without care, he understands why some people might return to the closet. The institutions have been “violent to us,” he said, and he still twinges when a police officer walks by. | While he currently lives without care, he understands why some people might return to the closet. The institutions have been “violent to us,” he said, and he still twinges when a police officer walks by. |
| “The closet was a safe place,” he said. “We haven’t got as much energy as we used to have. And we don’t want to get into brawls. We just want to live peaceful lives now, please.” | “The closet was a safe place,” he said. “We haven’t got as much energy as we used to have. And we don’t want to get into brawls. We just want to live peaceful lives now, please.” |
| He is also concerned that services for the aged are not prepared to deal with the residual grief of older gay men, particularly the trauma of the AIDS epidemic. | He is also concerned that services for the aged are not prepared to deal with the residual grief of older gay men, particularly the trauma of the AIDS epidemic. |
| “We have lived through 25 years of having our friends die, die, die, die, die, die, die. …” he trailed off. “How will people take me, like with me crying then?” | “We have lived through 25 years of having our friends die, die, die, die, die, die, die. …” he trailed off. “How will people take me, like with me crying then?” |
| Later in the evening, Jean Taylor, 73, a writer and activist since the 1970s, took in the night air on a bench outside the hall, watching busy Swanston Street with her companion, Ardy Tibby, 76. Ms. Taylor said she thought that lesbians would always be “cautious” about coming out but that they needed to “be a little brave” and not “buy into the assumption that all nursing homes are unsafe.” | Later in the evening, Jean Taylor, 73, a writer and activist since the 1970s, took in the night air on a bench outside the hall, watching busy Swanston Street with her companion, Ardy Tibby, 76. Ms. Taylor said she thought that lesbians would always be “cautious” about coming out but that they needed to “be a little brave” and not “buy into the assumption that all nursing homes are unsafe.” |
| Ms. Taylor, a self-labeled “housewife and mother of two turned radical lesbian feminist,” said the ball was a nice celebration, but she voiced disappointment that much of the local lesbian-feminist history had been “lost.” | Ms. Taylor, a self-labeled “housewife and mother of two turned radical lesbian feminist,” said the ball was a nice celebration, but she voiced disappointment that much of the local lesbian-feminist history had been “lost.” |
| “People don’t even know or care enough to find out what we did,” she said. | “People don’t even know or care enough to find out what we did,” she said. |
| After the dinner plates were cleared, Mr. Meecham addressed the crowd. | After the dinner plates were cleared, Mr. Meecham addressed the crowd. |
| “To the L.G.B.T.I. elders who have led the way, who have shaped our community, who have fought for my right to wear these six-inch heels and gold nail polish: To you, I say thank you. I bow down to you.” | “To the L.G.B.T.I. elders who have led the way, who have shaped our community, who have fought for my right to wear these six-inch heels and gold nail polish: To you, I say thank you. I bow down to you.” |
| Mr. Meecham then leapt off the stage with the microphone and pulled guests out of their seats one by one, inviting them to share their stories. | Mr. Meecham then leapt off the stage with the microphone and pulled guests out of their seats one by one, inviting them to share their stories. |
| “I always say that closets are for clothes and mothballs, and that’s it,” said Gordon Wilson, a gay man in his 80s. | “I always say that closets are for clothes and mothballs, and that’s it,” said Gordon Wilson, a gay man in his 80s. |
| As “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” played, two silver-haired women began a simple waltz. One stood tall and straight, elbows pointed outward, face fixed into a formal expression. They spun in a half circle one way, then another. Her companion leaned into the chest of her partner and smiled, allowing herself to be swept around the fringes of the dance floor. | As “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” played, two silver-haired women began a simple waltz. One stood tall and straight, elbows pointed outward, face fixed into a formal expression. They spun in a half circle one way, then another. Her companion leaned into the chest of her partner and smiled, allowing herself to be swept around the fringes of the dance floor. |