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| Rajini Vaidyanathan: 'My #MeToo experience is sadly typical' | |
| (1 day later) | |
| The social media conversation around hashtag #MeToo highlights how widespread sexual harassment is. The BBC's Rajini Vaidyanathan shares her personal story. | The social media conversation around hashtag #MeToo highlights how widespread sexual harassment is. The BBC's Rajini Vaidyanathan shares her personal story. |
| I must have been about 25 years old. | I must have been about 25 years old. |
| We were in an Italian restaurant in New York, just after we'd finished working on a story. I was an ambitious producer who'd just been in Manhattan for the Republican convention. | We were in an Italian restaurant in New York, just after we'd finished working on a story. I was an ambitious producer who'd just been in Manhattan for the Republican convention. |
| Most of the team had gone but a colleague and I were the last two left and we were having dinner. | Most of the team had gone but a colleague and I were the last two left and we were having dinner. |
| We'd gone to the East Village and in a dimly lit Italian restaurant, I made small talk about George W Bush and John Kerry. | We'd gone to the East Village and in a dimly lit Italian restaurant, I made small talk about George W Bush and John Kerry. |
| Then he said it. | Then he said it. |
| "I'm unbelievably sexually attracted to you. I can't stop thinking about you." | "I'm unbelievably sexually attracted to you. I can't stop thinking about you." |
| I dropped my fork and it bounced on the plate, the spaghetti still woven around it. | I dropped my fork and it bounced on the plate, the spaghetti still woven around it. |
| This was a colleague twice my age, well-respected and with a girlfriend. I had experienced sexism in the workplace before, but not in such an overt way. | This was a colleague twice my age, well-respected and with a girlfriend. I had experienced sexism in the workplace before, but not in such an overt way. |
| I can't even remember what I said - but it was something all too polite, as I tried to change the conversation. He continued talking about how beautiful I was, as I ate the pasta as fast I could. | I can't even remember what I said - but it was something all too polite, as I tried to change the conversation. He continued talking about how beautiful I was, as I ate the pasta as fast I could. |
| I wasn't sure at the time if he'd said anything that I could reasonably complain about, but I remember feeling disgusted and uncomfortable about it. | I wasn't sure at the time if he'd said anything that I could reasonably complain about, but I remember feeling disgusted and uncomfortable about it. |
| I now know it was utterly unacceptable, and is just another reminder of how some men in the workplace use their power to manipulate, harass and even abuse women. | I now know it was utterly unacceptable, and is just another reminder of how some men in the workplace use their power to manipulate, harass and even abuse women. |
| Harassment in street, at work and on campus | Harassment in street, at work and on campus |
| The recent conversation about Harvey Weinstein has prompted countless conversations among my female friends about where the line stops in these situations, and when you should say something. | The recent conversation about Harvey Weinstein has prompted countless conversations among my female friends about where the line stops in these situations, and when you should say something. |
| Do you have to be touched for it to count? What if you are friends with them? When does harassment start, and when does it end? | Do you have to be touched for it to count? What if you are friends with them? When does harassment start, and when does it end? |
| The Weinstein case has shone the light on the appalling practices in Hollywood, but it is of course a very depressing reflection of what women from all walks of life, from all corners of the globe, have to experience on a daily basis. | The Weinstein case has shone the light on the appalling practices in Hollywood, but it is of course a very depressing reflection of what women from all walks of life, from all corners of the globe, have to experience on a daily basis. |
| A few years ago a married former colleague of mine began sending me messages containing explicit details of his sexual desires. | A few years ago a married former colleague of mine began sending me messages containing explicit details of his sexual desires. |
| "I have become obsessed with pleasuring myself," he wrote. "I just can't control myself." | "I have become obsessed with pleasuring myself," he wrote. "I just can't control myself." |
| I was horrified but at first I thought I needed to be polite, as there was a chance we'd work together again (why do women always feel they need to be polite in these situations?). | I was horrified but at first I thought I needed to be polite, as there was a chance we'd work together again (why do women always feel they need to be polite in these situations?). |
| I didn't really know what to say, so I responded telling him that it sounded pretty normal for some men to think like that, hoping he'd go away. | I didn't really know what to say, so I responded telling him that it sounded pretty normal for some men to think like that, hoping he'd go away. |
| But his messages continued and became more creepy. He said he'd fantasised about sex with powerful women, and how he wanted to cheat on his wife. | But his messages continued and became more creepy. He said he'd fantasised about sex with powerful women, and how he wanted to cheat on his wife. |
| I told him to talk to someone else - not me - and to get help. | I told him to talk to someone else - not me - and to get help. |
| I didn't tell anyone at first. I felt disgusted but kept it to myself. | I didn't tell anyone at first. I felt disgusted but kept it to myself. |
| Months later I was chatting to another female colleague who told me that for years she had received dirty messages from the same man. I let out a sigh of relief, as I realised I could finally share my story. | Months later I was chatting to another female colleague who told me that for years she had received dirty messages from the same man. I let out a sigh of relief, as I realised I could finally share my story. |
| Soon after I heard he'd been fired. Another colleague had filed a complaint against him. | Soon after I heard he'd been fired. Another colleague had filed a complaint against him. |
| No matter what the degree of abuse is, knowing someone else has gone through it too makes it easier to speak out. Just look at the Bill Cosby case. | No matter what the degree of abuse is, knowing someone else has gone through it too makes it easier to speak out. Just look at the Bill Cosby case. |
| I have interviewed a number of survivors of sexual assault on college campuses in the US, who didn't come forward because they didn't think they'd be believed. | I have interviewed a number of survivors of sexual assault on college campuses in the US, who didn't come forward because they didn't think they'd be believed. |
| A lot of the time, men don't understand how to deal with it, because - to put it simply - they don't have to deal with it. They don't get the same comments or asides, the same blame or judgement as women face on a regular basis. | A lot of the time, men don't understand how to deal with it, because - to put it simply - they don't have to deal with it. They don't get the same comments or asides, the same blame or judgement as women face on a regular basis. |
| More on the Weinstein story | More on the Weinstein story |
| The two examples I shared are just a few I've experienced over the years - I forgot to mention the knock on my hotel door from a married colleague on a trip, which followed a suggestive text. | The two examples I shared are just a few I've experienced over the years - I forgot to mention the knock on my hotel door from a married colleague on a trip, which followed a suggestive text. |
| In that case I ran into the bathroom and called a friendly male colleague - who told me to phone him again if I felt threatened. | In that case I ran into the bathroom and called a friendly male colleague - who told me to phone him again if I felt threatened. |
| And that's a reminder there are many decent men out there who are allies in this fight. | And that's a reminder there are many decent men out there who are allies in this fight. |
| As my friends share stories of being groped while working on boats, being objectified during board meetings, passed over for a job because they didn't flirt back, it is patently clear that a lot more that needs to change. | As my friends share stories of being groped while working on boats, being objectified during board meetings, passed over for a job because they didn't flirt back, it is patently clear that a lot more that needs to change. |
| But one positive that comes out of hearing such horrific stories from Hollywood and beyond is that the more people talk, the less it's becoming acceptable. | But one positive that comes out of hearing such horrific stories from Hollywood and beyond is that the more people talk, the less it's becoming acceptable. |
| You can follow @BBCRajiniV on Twitter | You can follow @BBCRajiniV on Twitter |