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'I found a job I love through battling depression' | |
(about 9 hours later) | |
At her lowest, Catherine wondered whether she would be able to finish her degree. | At her lowest, Catherine wondered whether she would be able to finish her degree. |
"I lost all concept of the future. I felt I was losing control of my mind. | "I lost all concept of the future. I felt I was losing control of my mind. |
'It was my second year at Manchester University, and early on I began feeling very tired. | 'It was my second year at Manchester University, and early on I began feeling very tired. |
"Blood tests showed I was anaemic. | "Blood tests showed I was anaemic. |
"Towards Christmas, I began feeling very anxious and getting quite stressed over my academic work because I couldn't concentrate in the way I was used to being able to. | "Towards Christmas, I began feeling very anxious and getting quite stressed over my academic work because I couldn't concentrate in the way I was used to being able to. |
"I just thought I had low iron and was a bit stressed. I had never thought about mental illness before. | "I just thought I had low iron and was a bit stressed. I had never thought about mental illness before. |
"At home over Christmas, I had more blood tests, which showed I was physically healthy, but I just felt worse. It was more than just low iron. | "At home over Christmas, I had more blood tests, which showed I was physically healthy, but I just felt worse. It was more than just low iron. |
"I wasn't just feeling tired. It was feelings of worthlessness. I felt there was no point in anything. I just didn't have any hope at all. | "I wasn't just feeling tired. It was feelings of worthlessness. I felt there was no point in anything. I just didn't have any hope at all. |
"There were points when I was crying or experiencing a numb feeling, just not feeling anything, which was quite scary because I am quite an emotional person." | "There were points when I was crying or experiencing a numb feeling, just not feeling anything, which was quite scary because I am quite an emotional person." |
By February 2016, she was 'just about functioning'. | By February 2016, she was 'just about functioning'. |
"The thought of doing anything was overwhelming. | "The thought of doing anything was overwhelming. |
"Even showering, brushing my teeth or cooking felt like a mammoth task. | "Even showering, brushing my teeth or cooking felt like a mammoth task. |
"Some days getting out of bed was really difficult. Some days I stayed in my room all day. I definitely missed some lectures. | "Some days getting out of bed was really difficult. Some days I stayed in my room all day. I definitely missed some lectures. |
"My attendance dropped, but I didn't completely disappear. I never got chucked off the course. I was still just about functioning. | "My attendance dropped, but I didn't completely disappear. I never got chucked off the course. I was still just about functioning. |
"But I was panicking and crying, everything was too much. I just didn't know what to do. | "But I was panicking and crying, everything was too much. I just didn't know what to do. |
"I spoke to a friend about that feeling of hopelessness and just wanting to run away from it all. | "I spoke to a friend about that feeling of hopelessness and just wanting to run away from it all. |
"I had never had that feeling before. It was quite scary. | "I had never had that feeling before. It was quite scary. |
"She pushed me to get treatment." | "She pushed me to get treatment." |
She was prescribed antidepressants. | She was prescribed antidepressants. |
"I started a journey that was quite difficult. | "I started a journey that was quite difficult. |
"Drugs work differently on different people and the first drug made me worse, mainly mentally. | "Drugs work differently on different people and the first drug made me worse, mainly mentally. |
"I felt I was going downhill. | "I felt I was going downhill. |
"It was around that point that I wasn't sure if I could finish my degree." | "It was around that point that I wasn't sure if I could finish my degree." |
"Mornings were particularly difficult. I felt I couldn't move. | "Mornings were particularly difficult. I felt I couldn't move. |
"The drug was exacerbating what was already there. | "The drug was exacerbating what was already there. |
"My GP moved me to a different antidepressant, which slowly started to work. | "My GP moved me to a different antidepressant, which slowly started to work. |
"I was also accessing the university counselling service, which was very helpful. | "I was also accessing the university counselling service, which was very helpful. |
"And once my academic tutor was aware I was ill, I could go and see her | "And once my academic tutor was aware I was ill, I could go and see her |
"I had more relaxed deadlines and access to a study coach, which got set up towards the end of my second year. | "I had more relaxed deadlines and access to a study coach, which got set up towards the end of my second year. |
"It was a process of getting things in place to make things more manageable." | "It was a process of getting things in place to make things more manageable." |
She also started cognitive behavioural therapy. | She also started cognitive behavioural therapy. |
"There is a timeliness for different remedies. | "There is a timeliness for different remedies. |
"It was the first therapeutic support that was really driving to get you to think about your thoughts and challenge your thoughts. Not all your thoughts are facts." | "It was the first therapeutic support that was really driving to get you to think about your thoughts and challenge your thoughts. Not all your thoughts are facts." |
"If I think about my mind at the time when depression was invading, it was about feeling worthless, and you can challenge those beliefs. | "If I think about my mind at the time when depression was invading, it was about feeling worthless, and you can challenge those beliefs. |
"I think that it's difficult to pin down exactly why or how, but the medication settled and I began to get better. | "I think that it's difficult to pin down exactly why or how, but the medication settled and I began to get better. |
"I got through the year and gradually became more myself over the summer. | "I got through the year and gradually became more myself over the summer. |
"The third year was all about rebuilding myself. | "The third year was all about rebuilding myself. |
"When I wasn't feeling good, the future was quite a difficult thing to visualise. | "When I wasn't feeling good, the future was quite a difficult thing to visualise. |
"So the process of applying for a graduate programme was part of starting to believe in myself again and to feel more confident." | "So the process of applying for a graduate programme was part of starting to believe in myself again and to feel more confident." |
In July 2017, she graduated with a first-class degree - and started the training programme a few days later. | In July 2017, she graduated with a first-class degree - and started the training programme a few days later. |
"I knew mental health social work was challenging, stimulating and varied and I really wanted to do it. | "I knew mental health social work was challenging, stimulating and varied and I really wanted to do it. |
"I think that contributed to my motivation to work hard in my third year at finding what would help me stay well myself. | "I think that contributed to my motivation to work hard in my third year at finding what would help me stay well myself. |
"I just knew I needed to develop the resilience and coping strategies that would help me stay well and do the programme and become a mental-health social worker. | "I just knew I needed to develop the resilience and coping strategies that would help me stay well and do the programme and become a mental-health social worker. |
"It's been really good. It's very intense, as I expected, and I am learning a lot very quickly. It's a lot to take in. | "It's been really good. It's very intense, as I expected, and I am learning a lot very quickly. It's a lot to take in. |
"There's so much variety in what we are doing. I really enjoy it. | "There's so much variety in what we are doing. I really enjoy it. |
"It's really pushing me and challenging me, but there's a lot of support which has really helped me make the most of it and cope with the challenge and pressure of it. | "It's really pushing me and challenging me, but there's a lot of support which has really helped me make the most of it and cope with the challenge and pressure of it. |
"I always say that I can't regret what happened. | "I always say that I can't regret what happened. |
"It totally changed my plan, and I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now without that experience. | "It totally changed my plan, and I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now without that experience. |
"I knew I wanted to work with people and had thought about social work generally. | "I knew I wanted to work with people and had thought about social work generally. |
"The experience I had gave me a tiny glimpse into what it means to be mentally distressed. | "The experience I had gave me a tiny glimpse into what it means to be mentally distressed. |
"It unlocked a level of empathy that I didn't have access to before. | "It unlocked a level of empathy that I didn't have access to before. |
"For me, the thought that I could play a part in someone else's journey is really important to me. It's very rewarding. | "For me, the thought that I could play a part in someone else's journey is really important to me. It's very rewarding. |
"It's connecting and wanting to be part of enabling someone to help themselves and feel well again. | "It's connecting and wanting to be part of enabling someone to help themselves and feel well again. |
"I am just starting to get my own caseload. Until now, it's been a process of shadowing. | "I am just starting to get my own caseload. Until now, it's been a process of shadowing. |
"With close support, I am starting to do some real work. It's exciting." | "With close support, I am starting to do some real work. It's exciting." |
Catherine is on the Think Ahead fast-track training programme and will qualify as a mental-health social worker next year, with a master's degree in social work after two years. | Catherine is on the Think Ahead fast-track training programme and will qualify as a mental-health social worker next year, with a master's degree in social work after two years. |
Produced by Judith Burns, BBC family and education reporter. | Produced by Judith Burns, BBC family and education reporter. |
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