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| Of course pets need Christmas presents – but why get swanky with them? | Of course pets need Christmas presents – but why get swanky with them? |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| Sales of Christmas pressies for pets have gone up 300% over the last two years, according to newspaper reports. And the gifts seem to be getting swankier: dog cologne for £12.95 a pop, cat beds for £449, pet tip is at £54. And I thought most people were hard up. | Sales of Christmas pressies for pets have gone up 300% over the last two years, according to newspaper reports. And the gifts seem to be getting swankier: dog cologne for £12.95 a pop, cat beds for £449, pet tip is at £54. And I thought most people were hard up. |
| There’s nothing wrong with giving your pets presents. But, speaking as a dog owner, doing so should come with a warning. It’s the present opening that dogs love even more than the present. What, after all, is more fun than ripping something open and tearing it to shreds? Even if it isn’t yours. | There’s nothing wrong with giving your pets presents. But, speaking as a dog owner, doing so should come with a warning. It’s the present opening that dogs love even more than the present. What, after all, is more fun than ripping something open and tearing it to shreds? Even if it isn’t yours. |
| Once a dog gets a taste for present opening, it will probably open everyone else’s, too | Once a dog gets a taste for present opening, it will probably open everyone else’s, too |
| Once a dog gets a taste for present opening, it will probably open everyone else’s, too, or any parcel that arrives at any time of the year, so that means there are no more presents under the tree for us. I recommend putting them on a high shelf instead. And without close supervision, a dog tends to gobble up its edible presents in one go, so the next day you may have a sea of vomit and excrement to mop up. That will be your dog’s only present to you. | Once a dog gets a taste for present opening, it will probably open everyone else’s, too, or any parcel that arrives at any time of the year, so that means there are no more presents under the tree for us. I recommend putting them on a high shelf instead. And without close supervision, a dog tends to gobble up its edible presents in one go, so the next day you may have a sea of vomit and excrement to mop up. That will be your dog’s only present to you. |
| So my daughter and I give our dogs modest presents: a biscuit, familiar treat or chew, or new squeaky toy, all wrapped up in lots of lovely, scrunchy, rippy paper. Squeakies can be a bit risky, because dogs tend to play with them obsessively, so throughout the festive period you’ll have loud and maddening squeaking – even multiple squeakings, or confiscation, whining and barking or squabbling dogs. Because one thing a dog wants more than anything else is another dog’s squeaky, especially when it’s high on doggie chocs and a general atmosphere of anxiety and panic. Our dogs’ meerkat Father Christmas squeaky has caused endless battles. | So my daughter and I give our dogs modest presents: a biscuit, familiar treat or chew, or new squeaky toy, all wrapped up in lots of lovely, scrunchy, rippy paper. Squeakies can be a bit risky, because dogs tend to play with them obsessively, so throughout the festive period you’ll have loud and maddening squeaking – even multiple squeakings, or confiscation, whining and barking or squabbling dogs. Because one thing a dog wants more than anything else is another dog’s squeaky, especially when it’s high on doggie chocs and a general atmosphere of anxiety and panic. Our dogs’ meerkat Father Christmas squeaky has caused endless battles. |
| If you can stand all that, then it is fun, fun, fun to give your dogs presents for Christmas (I don’t know about cats – I’ve never had one) and to witness such excitement and happiness. It’s just what we need when it’s cold, dark and miserable outside. The dogs distracts you from any human tensions and miseries. And dogs are so easily pleased – much more easily than relatives, friends and particularly children. | If you can stand all that, then it is fun, fun, fun to give your dogs presents for Christmas (I don’t know about cats – I’ve never had one) and to witness such excitement and happiness. It’s just what we need when it’s cold, dark and miserable outside. The dogs distracts you from any human tensions and miseries. And dogs are so easily pleased – much more easily than relatives, friends and particularly children. |
| You need spend barely a minute wondering what the dogs will want. You already know. Anything edible, noisy and wrapped up. They don’t want the latest toy or bit of technology; they don’t know about trends, status, style, or whether you gave them the same thing last year, or whether their present only cost peanuts. There is no need to go over the top with advent calendars, crackers and beers. The dog does not give a sniff whether his ball-thrower is a retro wooden model costing £24 or if its tipi is monogrammed. It doesn’t insist that its biscuits taste seasonal or are heart-shaped. My dogs have consistently rejected Christmas-dinner-flavoured treats. | |
| In the current climate, it might be sickening to see people frittering away hundreds of pounds on dog presents. Otherwise, why not? Their presents are partly for us. They give us a chance to stop being sensible and to have a laugh. This, after all, is a festival of lights, intended to keep the gloom at bay. | In the current climate, it might be sickening to see people frittering away hundreds of pounds on dog presents. Otherwise, why not? Their presents are partly for us. They give us a chance to stop being sensible and to have a laugh. This, after all, is a festival of lights, intended to keep the gloom at bay. |
| And if you really want to buy a dog a serious present, why not rescue one for Christmas? That would be the best present any dog could get. | And if you really want to buy a dog a serious present, why not rescue one for Christmas? That would be the best present any dog could get. |
| • Michele Hanson is an author and Guardian columnist | • Michele Hanson is an author and Guardian columnist |