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| Rubbish Christmas presents? Here’s how to make them joyful | Rubbish Christmas presents? Here’s how to make them joyful |
| (21 days later) | |
| Christmas, we are told, is not all about presents, and thank goodness for that. If our day is to be defined by disappointing knitwear, strangely shaped tea cosies and ghostwritten tomes fronted by egotists with unexpectedly enormous tax bills, then the 25th is hardly worth celebrating at all. However, the giving of gifts is a tradition that most of us observe, even though we’re not necessarily good at it. | Christmas, we are told, is not all about presents, and thank goodness for that. If our day is to be defined by disappointing knitwear, strangely shaped tea cosies and ghostwritten tomes fronted by egotists with unexpectedly enormous tax bills, then the 25th is hardly worth celebrating at all. However, the giving of gifts is a tradition that most of us observe, even though we’re not necessarily good at it. |
| A 2014 study by Nathan Novemsky and Ernest Baskin of Yale has found that our sentimentality is what leads us to make the wrong choices when buying presents. Rather than offering a run-of-the-mill gift that will be used and enjoyed, we try to give something “desirable”, even if it’s less practical. “Ironically, gift giving is one of the rare occasions when focusing on someone else backfires,” Novemsky explained. “The trade-offs that gift givers make between choosing a desirable gift and a practical gift are not in line with what gift receivers actually want.” | A 2014 study by Nathan Novemsky and Ernest Baskin of Yale has found that our sentimentality is what leads us to make the wrong choices when buying presents. Rather than offering a run-of-the-mill gift that will be used and enjoyed, we try to give something “desirable”, even if it’s less practical. “Ironically, gift giving is one of the rare occasions when focusing on someone else backfires,” Novemsky explained. “The trade-offs that gift givers make between choosing a desirable gift and a practical gift are not in line with what gift receivers actually want.” |
| Last year, it’s thought that in Britain we received 115m unwanted gifts, worth a total of £2.2bn. This number seems oddly abstract until you think about the UK poverty crisis. In the last six months, the Trussell Trust has given out over half a million food parcels. It’s a bleak and sobering statistic, but the good news is that if you open a gift that makes your heart sink rather than sing, there’s a way of recycling it to ensure that it benefits someone who really needs it. Reselling an unwanted item, and donating the cash you raise will genuinely do some good, and it’s a great way to assuage any guilt generated by your ungratefulness. If you’re not sure there’s much of a market for that particular present, your local charity shop will probably be glad of it. Unless it’s also the local charity shop of the person who gave it to you, in which case it might be sensible to donate in a different postcode. | Last year, it’s thought that in Britain we received 115m unwanted gifts, worth a total of £2.2bn. This number seems oddly abstract until you think about the UK poverty crisis. In the last six months, the Trussell Trust has given out over half a million food parcels. It’s a bleak and sobering statistic, but the good news is that if you open a gift that makes your heart sink rather than sing, there’s a way of recycling it to ensure that it benefits someone who really needs it. Reselling an unwanted item, and donating the cash you raise will genuinely do some good, and it’s a great way to assuage any guilt generated by your ungratefulness. If you’re not sure there’s much of a market for that particular present, your local charity shop will probably be glad of it. Unless it’s also the local charity shop of the person who gave it to you, in which case it might be sensible to donate in a different postcode. |
| I admit that I have not received every Christmas present that I have been given with an attitude of gratitude. However, I do have a handy bank of little sisters to swap presents with, which ensures that unwanted gifts have a chance to be rehomed and reloved before they leave the premises. Also, up to a point we can pretend to be surprised and confused if a relative does not understand why a present has not reached its intended recipient. “We thought the earrings must be for Daisy, because she’s the only one who has pierced ears,” is a plausible lie, as is, “All the tags fell off in the bag, so we guessed who the presents were for.” | I admit that I have not received every Christmas present that I have been given with an attitude of gratitude. However, I do have a handy bank of little sisters to swap presents with, which ensures that unwanted gifts have a chance to be rehomed and reloved before they leave the premises. Also, up to a point we can pretend to be surprised and confused if a relative does not understand why a present has not reached its intended recipient. “We thought the earrings must be for Daisy, because she’s the only one who has pierced ears,” is a plausible lie, as is, “All the tags fell off in the bag, so we guessed who the presents were for.” |
| Round up some like-minded friends and set up a secret Christmas WhatsApp group, dedicated to present swapping | Round up some like-minded friends and set up a secret Christmas WhatsApp group, dedicated to present swapping |
| Of course, not everyone has access to five sympathetic siblings, but you can round up some like-minded friends and set up a secret Christmas WhatsApp group, dedicated to present swapping. One person’s implausibly enormous jumper is another’s dream loungewear item, and even though you might think a scented candle is the most boring gift on earth, you’ve probably got a friend who will snatch your hands off for it. (Alternatively, you can always send it to me, c/o the Guardian.) It might not be particularly classy, but it’s a relatively elegant solution to a horribly western problem – a surfeit of stuff. | Of course, not everyone has access to five sympathetic siblings, but you can round up some like-minded friends and set up a secret Christmas WhatsApp group, dedicated to present swapping. One person’s implausibly enormous jumper is another’s dream loungewear item, and even though you might think a scented candle is the most boring gift on earth, you’ve probably got a friend who will snatch your hands off for it. (Alternatively, you can always send it to me, c/o the Guardian.) It might not be particularly classy, but it’s a relatively elegant solution to a horribly western problem – a surfeit of stuff. |
| Ultimately, giving and receiving presents at Christmas is complicated, because gift giving is a language that most of us are not fluent in. Most presents are meant to say “I love you, and this is how much you mean to mean to me,” but sometimes something gets lost in translation and we interpret the message as “I am cheap, but you are cheaper – this was the third item in the Boots three for two.” Our enormous, fragile egos are at stake. When we receive an unwanted present, we worry that the giver doesn’t want us, and similarly, learning that your carefully chosen gift has been swapped or discarded is utterly crushing. However, if a present isn’t for you, it can always be used in a way that helps someone else, somewhere else. So when we give gifts, all we can do is give them with love, and trust that the recipient will use them in the best way possible – and occasionally that will mean that they are given away. | Ultimately, giving and receiving presents at Christmas is complicated, because gift giving is a language that most of us are not fluent in. Most presents are meant to say “I love you, and this is how much you mean to mean to me,” but sometimes something gets lost in translation and we interpret the message as “I am cheap, but you are cheaper – this was the third item in the Boots three for two.” Our enormous, fragile egos are at stake. When we receive an unwanted present, we worry that the giver doesn’t want us, and similarly, learning that your carefully chosen gift has been swapped or discarded is utterly crushing. However, if a present isn’t for you, it can always be used in a way that helps someone else, somewhere else. So when we give gifts, all we can do is give them with love, and trust that the recipient will use them in the best way possible – and occasionally that will mean that they are given away. |
| If you do receive a present that you don’t want, there are just three rules to follow. Do donate it to someone who wants or needs it, instead of shoving it in a drawer under the bed. Don’t tell the person who gave you the present that you didn’t like it – honour the spirit in which it was given. And do send some sort of formal thank you. A card is lovely, but a Whatsapp message is fine. Just don’t get your groups confused and accidentally offer to return your gift to the sender. | If you do receive a present that you don’t want, there are just three rules to follow. Do donate it to someone who wants or needs it, instead of shoving it in a drawer under the bed. Don’t tell the person who gave you the present that you didn’t like it – honour the spirit in which it was given. And do send some sort of formal thank you. A card is lovely, but a Whatsapp message is fine. Just don’t get your groups confused and accidentally offer to return your gift to the sender. |
| • Daisy Buchanan is a freelance columnist and features writer covering arts, entertainment and women’s issues | • Daisy Buchanan is a freelance columnist and features writer covering arts, entertainment and women’s issues |