#MeToo is not just a debate, or a whinge. It’s a reality

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/26/metoo-is-not-just-a-debate-or-a-whinge-its-a-reality

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On a couple of occasions, it has become clear to me that the #MeToo movement has been misinterpreted by many – and, in turn, been taken down a different path of discussion entirely.

Recently some men I know were talking, within earshot, about how the debate had “gotten out of hand”. In a hushed conversation, they commented on how they thought women should express themselves better on the matter. They had interpreted the movement as some kind of “man-hating” exercise, utilised by women as an opportunity to complain about them. The discussion had clearly become personal to them.

And watching the live broadcast of the Q&A special in February, I was floored by the countless angry comments that flashed up on the screen. It seemed the simplicity, the humility and the pain held within those two words – “me too” – had been lost, and for many had taken on a petulant quality instead. The lack of understanding and empathy was palpable. The movement was written of as a whinge, a pointed finger.

To me, this kind of defensiveness and anger only rears its head when a nerve is hit, when something is not fully understood or has not been personally experienced. It’s then exacerbated by the fear of not knowing what can be done to solve the problem, and the fear that listening to and acknowledging someone else’s pain will somehow diminish one’s own.

This fear makes it easier to confuse the matter, or reject it entirely. It’s an ugly side of human nature because, in reality, to deny someone else their pain and their desire to express it as they see fit inevitably denies us of our own. We are all connected.

Me Too started as a whisper, and has indeed become a roar but a life-affirming one for so many women. There is no arrogance in it: it’s about shared experience, the sheer magnitude of which is something to behold. It’s confronting but it can’t be denied; it presents plenty of opportunities for debate but where we can we need to put that debate aside in order to protect those who are vulnerable to mistreatment. We need to look at the big picture together. And that big picture is this: sexual harassment and abuse is very real and widespread, and it will not go away unless we address that and do something about it.

The perpetrators know who they are. If they don’t, they will soon – and no one except them needs to be afraid. It is not about men v women, either; it is not just women who experience sexual harassment. It’s of concern to us all.

There is power in words and though they can’t change everything, they can alter the atmosphere. I believe that that is what the words “me too” have done. Now that the atmosphere has changed, the real work can begin – and that moment needs to be seized.

That’s where Now Australia comes in: a new national organisation aiming to offer support and solutions to workplace harassment experienced in every industry around the country.

I was writing this piece on a plane last night and in the taxi ride home a familiar feeling returned: as the driver turned around to look at me at every traffic light, and in his rear vision mirror at every chance, I felt my confidence disappear. I felt panicked and hunted, unsafe. I pretended I didn’t notice and looked away in the hope that I wouldn’t make the situation worse, casually chatting with him as I secretly planned my escape.

I can only imagine how I would feel if that fear rose up while I was at work, and in response to someone who held a position of authority over me. It would be intense and confusing. Humiliating and disempowering. This is not just a debate, it’s a reality so many people experience every day.

Let’s get behind those who’ve had these demoralising, degrading and often terrifying experiences as we continue to have a healthy discussion about where the root of the problem lies in this country.