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Late motherhood is on the rise, but as one who knows, it has its downsides Late motherhood is on the rise, but as one who knows, it has its downsides
(5 days later)
In Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, published in 1932, only the savages, behaving like animals, became pregnant. “Normal” people had babies genetically designed, cloned and gestated in artificial wombs, the age of the mother and father irrelevant to the process.In Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, published in 1932, only the savages, behaving like animals, became pregnant. “Normal” people had babies genetically designed, cloned and gestated in artificial wombs, the age of the mother and father irrelevant to the process.
In the real world, in 2018, we now have technological breakthroughs such as IVF, and the growth of the “mother machine” industry offers wombs for rent and “ovum donors” for those with the money to spend. This means that if a woman wants a baby, alone or with a partner, now, as in fiction, age is no barrier.In the real world, in 2018, we now have technological breakthroughs such as IVF, and the growth of the “mother machine” industry offers wombs for rent and “ovum donors” for those with the money to spend. This means that if a woman wants a baby, alone or with a partner, now, as in fiction, age is no barrier.
Even if a woman is post-menopausal, clocking up 60 or 70 years, the marketplace will provide. And who is to judge? In our consumer society, if she wants, she shall have. Late motherhood has become a commodity, helping to normalise the notion that any age is the “right time” to have a first child. Last week, the Office for National Statistics revealed that women in their 40s are now the only age group with a rising pregnancy rate, up 2%. Numbers have more than doubled since the 1990s, reaching 28,744 in 2016, or 15.4 conceptions per 1,000. In the US, this group is inelegantly labelled Moneyed Older Moms. Research says they are likely to be more affluent, better educated, more stable and with better jobs than younger mothers. That’s the good news.Even if a woman is post-menopausal, clocking up 60 or 70 years, the marketplace will provide. And who is to judge? In our consumer society, if she wants, she shall have. Late motherhood has become a commodity, helping to normalise the notion that any age is the “right time” to have a first child. Last week, the Office for National Statistics revealed that women in their 40s are now the only age group with a rising pregnancy rate, up 2%. Numbers have more than doubled since the 1990s, reaching 28,744 in 2016, or 15.4 conceptions per 1,000. In the US, this group is inelegantly labelled Moneyed Older Moms. Research says they are likely to be more affluent, better educated, more stable and with better jobs than younger mothers. That’s the good news.
The jubilant response in some quarters to this increase was utterly misguided, a classic case of not knowing which way to hold a baby’s rattle. A recent Times leader declared that late motherhood is “genuinely a matter of choice rather than necessity”. It argued that women have had time to acquire skills (though that still doesn’t mean they crack the glass ceiling), households have more disposable income and managers have a wider pool of talent to promote. What it omitted is that trying to conceive in middle age isn’t easy. While celebrities such as Halle Berry and Holly Hunter have proved glamorously fecund in their 40s, it’s tougher to become fertile for those of us in the cheaper seats.The jubilant response in some quarters to this increase was utterly misguided, a classic case of not knowing which way to hold a baby’s rattle. A recent Times leader declared that late motherhood is “genuinely a matter of choice rather than necessity”. It argued that women have had time to acquire skills (though that still doesn’t mean they crack the glass ceiling), households have more disposable income and managers have a wider pool of talent to promote. What it omitted is that trying to conceive in middle age isn’t easy. While celebrities such as Halle Berry and Holly Hunter have proved glamorously fecund in their 40s, it’s tougher to become fertile for those of us in the cheaper seats.
In addition, late motherhood carries a health warning. At the ages of 36 and 45, when I had my first and second child, like many an older mother-to-be, I was given the bad news, repeatedly. It includes diabetes, high blood pressure, pre-eclampsia and a greater chance of having a child with Down’s syndrome. In addition, late motherhood carries a health warning. At the ages of 36 and 45, when I had my first and second child, like many an older mother-to-be, I was given the bad news, repeatedly. It includes diabetes, high blood pressure, pre-eclampsia and a greater chance of having a child with Down’s syndrome.
So why, in spite of it all, are more women becoming pregnant at a later age? The reasons are many and varied – not finding the right person, illness, multiple miscarriages – but two of the biggest obstacles barring the route to motherhood are the ridiculously antiquated world of work and the cost of childcare. Too often, a woman has a child potentially dangerously late because the workplace still acts as if she shouldn’t have babies at all.So why, in spite of it all, are more women becoming pregnant at a later age? The reasons are many and varied – not finding the right person, illness, multiple miscarriages – but two of the biggest obstacles barring the route to motherhood are the ridiculously antiquated world of work and the cost of childcare. Too often, a woman has a child potentially dangerously late because the workplace still acts as if she shouldn’t have babies at all.
Two of the biggest obstacles barring the route to motherhood are the antiquated world of work and the cost of childcareTwo of the biggest obstacles barring the route to motherhood are the antiquated world of work and the cost of childcare
It is telling that, in 2016, in England and Wales, the conception rate for twenty- and thirtysomethings fell, as it has done for several years. We have not turned into a nation of baby-haters (although some are choosing to be happily childfree); instead, many women are witnessing what happens to others who can’t afford childcare and/or want to spend time with their offspring, so their only “choice” is a poorly paid part-time job that hugely underutilises their qualifications and talent. Too many employers still regard flexible hours as a “favour”, something out of the norm from the “real” working day that requires a woman or a man to forfeit several rungs on the career ladder and possibly lose their footing altogether. It’s not just the forfeiting of a career that pushes a woman to postpone motherhood – it’s also the spectacle of parenthood as an extreme boot camp as two people struggle, even on two wages and working long hours.It is telling that, in 2016, in England and Wales, the conception rate for twenty- and thirtysomethings fell, as it has done for several years. We have not turned into a nation of baby-haters (although some are choosing to be happily childfree); instead, many women are witnessing what happens to others who can’t afford childcare and/or want to spend time with their offspring, so their only “choice” is a poorly paid part-time job that hugely underutilises their qualifications and talent. Too many employers still regard flexible hours as a “favour”, something out of the norm from the “real” working day that requires a woman or a man to forfeit several rungs on the career ladder and possibly lose their footing altogether. It’s not just the forfeiting of a career that pushes a woman to postpone motherhood – it’s also the spectacle of parenthood as an extreme boot camp as two people struggle, even on two wages and working long hours.
In more progressive companies and countries (Denmark, Belgium, Sweden, Holland), the way they “do” families and work has changed radically, not least because of the pressure from fathers who also want time with their children. Highly subsidised childcare, flexible hours, better parental leave and the acceptance that “time off”, including sabbaticals of up to a year, to raise a child, develop a hobby or do nothing are no longer regarded as special treatments for women but part of the planning for a modern workplace.In more progressive companies and countries (Denmark, Belgium, Sweden, Holland), the way they “do” families and work has changed radically, not least because of the pressure from fathers who also want time with their children. Highly subsidised childcare, flexible hours, better parental leave and the acceptance that “time off”, including sabbaticals of up to a year, to raise a child, develop a hobby or do nothing are no longer regarded as special treatments for women but part of the planning for a modern workplace.
Late motherhood, however, isn’t just about parents – it’s about children and their rights, too. In the 1920s, bearing children in middle age was common; inadequate contraception meant the baby was often the last of many, leaving a mother ill and exhausted. Today’s mature mother is different. I felt extremely lucky to have my children, and still do, but now they are adults, I am much more aware of how late parenthood negatively jars the natural chronology of life. The practical consequences are obvious, among them, teenagers who may have to deal with parental dementia and ill health and grandchildren who may never know their grandparents. The extended family is now far more fragile.Late motherhood, however, isn’t just about parents – it’s about children and their rights, too. In the 1920s, bearing children in middle age was common; inadequate contraception meant the baby was often the last of many, leaving a mother ill and exhausted. Today’s mature mother is different. I felt extremely lucky to have my children, and still do, but now they are adults, I am much more aware of how late parenthood negatively jars the natural chronology of life. The practical consequences are obvious, among them, teenagers who may have to deal with parental dementia and ill health and grandchildren who may never know their grandparents. The extended family is now far more fragile.
But there is also, perhaps, a more subtle impact. Parents can and do die young, but older people inevitably bring a sense of an ending prematurely into family life in ways children intuit and adults may be unwilling or unable to acknowledge. Is that a minus or a plus?But there is also, perhaps, a more subtle impact. Parents can and do die young, but older people inevitably bring a sense of an ending prematurely into family life in ways children intuit and adults may be unwilling or unable to acknowledge. Is that a minus or a plus?
Late parenthood is every person’s option, but the reasons why it’s on the increase while conception rates in other age groups are falling are worth a more honest conversation. We need to be open about the price paid by us all, not least the very young, who have no voice.Late parenthood is every person’s option, but the reasons why it’s on the increase while conception rates in other age groups are falling are worth a more honest conversation. We need to be open about the price paid by us all, not least the very young, who have no voice.
PregnancyPregnancy
OpinionOpinion
Parents and parentingParents and parenting
Maternity & paternity rightsMaternity & paternity rights
WomenWomen
FamilyFamily
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