Introducing Form 1040-EL (Emotional Labor)

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/17/opinion/taxes-1040-emotional.html

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If you are among the millions of Americans who put in hours of unpaid labor last year arguing about or responding to national politics, you may be entitled to a tax credit of at least $45.

To determine your eligibility and the credit amount, please answer the questions below on FORM 1040-EL (EMOTIONAL LABOR).

PART A. To claim this credit you must meet some requirements.

1. Were you a citizen of the United States for all 12 months of 2017? (TIP: Fantasizing about Canadian citizenship or that Brooklyn is a separate country does not affect your eligibility for the credit.) If YES, continue to Question 2.

2. Did you spend at least one hour per week in 2017 engaging in any of the following activities: texting Congress; signing petitions; writing a Facebook post ending with “then unfriend me right now”; hoping to wake up from the nightmare; or pointing out that photos of Barack Obama’s dog smoking marijuana are fake news?

Conversely, did you spend at least an hour per week in 2017 defending the president against criticism from your liberal friends, even though he has a taxpayer-funded staff earning six figures to do that for him?

If you answered YES to any of the questions, continue to Question 3.

3. When you were arguing about politics, were the arguments with your parents? By refusing to talk to them, have you lost free child care? If so, you may be entitled to double the claim. See Form 1040-Grandparent Child Care Loss.

PART B. Determine the amount of your credit.

4. Are you a female journalist, female on Twitter or just plain female? You may be entitled to double the credit. (TIP: If you needed extra security in 2017, list the amount on Schedule A or C.)

5. If you were dependent on Obamacare — the terrible, horrible plan no one wanted to get rid of — and you spent the first 33.3 percent of calendar year 2017 terrified of losing it, you are entitled to triple the credit.

6. Did you want to speak out even more about politics but had to keep your mouth shut because of work or family? If YES, you may still be entitled to credit based on emotional distress. However, if you are an adult film star and were paid to keep your mouth shut by the president’s lawyer for a non-affair that didn’t happen, STOP. (Please!) You are not entitled to claim the credit. But you may deduct legal fees and clothing/undergarments on Schedule C and Form 4562-Depreciation and Amortization.

7. Did you rush to pay property taxes by Dec. 31 because you naïvely thought you could the beat new laws that will limit the deduction next year? If so, fill out Form LOL.

8. You are entitled to quadruple the credit if you are:

a) A member of a marginalized group

b) A newspaper reader

c) A reader

d) Robert Mueller

e) An employee of a branch of government or a relative of an employee of a branch of government dealing with ethics, science, math, facts, weights, measures, spelling, weather or other elitist subjects

f) Martin Shkreli’s cellmate

g) A former White House communications director

h) The next White House communications director

9. If any of your political activities in Part A were paid for by George Soros or the Koch brothers, you are not entitled to claim the credit (J/K!).

Please calculate the total amount of your Emotional Labor credit and submit this form by April 17. The deadline was moved back two days to allow enough time to make the country great so you’d feel good writing your tax check. Yes, regardless of your answers above — one way or another — you will still pay.