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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
|---|---|
| Elena Ferrante: ‘God didn’t make a good impression on my teenage self’ | Elena Ferrante: ‘God didn’t make a good impression on my teenage self’ |
| (about 2 months later) | |
| When it comes to religion, I recognise myself in the three Marys, who, when they go to the grave and learn from an angel that Jesus has come back to life from the dead, begin trembling, beside themselves with fear. My religious experience stopped there. | When it comes to religion, I recognise myself in the three Marys, who, when they go to the grave and learn from an angel that Jesus has come back to life from the dead, begin trembling, beside themselves with fear. My religious experience stopped there. |
| It happened when I was around 16. I read the gospels one after another, and the entire life of Jesus seemed terrible to me. The resurrection itself I found terrifying: not a comforting conclusion. I hope I’ll have an opportunity to recount that adolescent experience of reading in detail. Here I will say only that the story of the gospels seemed to demonstrate at every step that human nature, beyond some arrogant declarations of its centrality, was depraved, devoted to either crucifying its own kind and all other living beings, or getting crucified. | It happened when I was around 16. I read the gospels one after another, and the entire life of Jesus seemed terrible to me. The resurrection itself I found terrifying: not a comforting conclusion. I hope I’ll have an opportunity to recount that adolescent experience of reading in detail. Here I will say only that the story of the gospels seemed to demonstrate at every step that human nature, beyond some arrogant declarations of its centrality, was depraved, devoted to either crucifying its own kind and all other living beings, or getting crucified. |
| But more important is the fact that even the superhuman didn’t convince me – in fact, it scared me. God didn’t make a good impression on my almost childlike sensibility (16 wasn’t old enough to argue about theology). When he abandoned his son to the cross, he behaved exactly like the vile father the evangelists Luke and Matthew describe, who when his child asks for bread gives him stones, snakes, scorpions. And the resurrection? Was it really fair compensation for the extremely painful loss of earthly life, or only a horrific magic trick that didn’t settle things on earth – and maybe not even the confusion of those in heaven? | But more important is the fact that even the superhuman didn’t convince me – in fact, it scared me. God didn’t make a good impression on my almost childlike sensibility (16 wasn’t old enough to argue about theology). When he abandoned his son to the cross, he behaved exactly like the vile father the evangelists Luke and Matthew describe, who when his child asks for bread gives him stones, snakes, scorpions. And the resurrection? Was it really fair compensation for the extremely painful loss of earthly life, or only a horrific magic trick that didn’t settle things on earth – and maybe not even the confusion of those in heaven? |
| Of my brief adolescent advance toward religion there remains only the fear that the three Marys express in the gospel of Mark: their trembling. I’m frightened by what the most extraordinary of Italian poets, Giacomo Leopardi, calls “the night sky full of worlds”. I’m also frightened by the conceited small-mindedness of human beings when they consider themselves elect creatures. I have no liking for the throne we have assigned ourselves by declaring that we are beloved children of God and lords of the universe. | Of my brief adolescent advance toward religion there remains only the fear that the three Marys express in the gospel of Mark: their trembling. I’m frightened by what the most extraordinary of Italian poets, Giacomo Leopardi, calls “the night sky full of worlds”. I’m also frightened by the conceited small-mindedness of human beings when they consider themselves elect creatures. I have no liking for the throne we have assigned ourselves by declaring that we are beloved children of God and lords of the universe. |
| The pride that derives from that distresses me – that, although we are animals among animals, we believe we have the right to enslave the rest of the living world. This makes us dangerous, and at the same time ridiculous. However much we empower ourselves with increasingly sophisticated technology, we remain comic creatures, like the cat that a child dresses as if it were her doll. It’s urgent that we learn to confront the truth of ourselves, before we’re destroyed by our obstinate determination to become immortal. The animal man has to be self-critical. The future that interests me is a future of absolute openness to the other, to any living being, to everything endowed with the breath of life. | The pride that derives from that distresses me – that, although we are animals among animals, we believe we have the right to enslave the rest of the living world. This makes us dangerous, and at the same time ridiculous. However much we empower ourselves with increasingly sophisticated technology, we remain comic creatures, like the cat that a child dresses as if it were her doll. It’s urgent that we learn to confront the truth of ourselves, before we’re destroyed by our obstinate determination to become immortal. The animal man has to be self-critical. The future that interests me is a future of absolute openness to the other, to any living being, to everything endowed with the breath of life. |
| • Translated by Ann Goldstein | • Translated by Ann Goldstein |
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