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Grenfell one year on: ‘We don’t want those lives to be lost for nothing’ Grenfell one year on: ‘We don’t want those lives to be lost for nothing’
(7 months later)
Mouna El-Ogbani lived on the 11th floor of Grenfell Tower for 10 years with her husband, Youseff, and their three children Zaid, 14, Hafsa, 11, and Nusaybah, three. She was a teenager when she came to live in London from Tangier in Morocco, and the family lived in Testerton Walk, adjacent to the tower (and where her mother still lives).Mouna El-Ogbani lived on the 11th floor of Grenfell Tower for 10 years with her husband, Youseff, and their three children Zaid, 14, Hafsa, 11, and Nusaybah, three. She was a teenager when she came to live in London from Tangier in Morocco, and the family lived in Testerton Walk, adjacent to the tower (and where her mother still lives).
“When I got married we stayed with my mum,” she begins, “then we rented for a year and eventually we got a home in the tower and I loved living there. We had friends, good neighbours. It was a nice mixed community – we shared Eid and Christmas together, we helped each other with our children’s homework and they played downstairs in the playground together.”“When I got married we stayed with my mum,” she begins, “then we rented for a year and eventually we got a home in the tower and I loved living there. We had friends, good neighbours. It was a nice mixed community – we shared Eid and Christmas together, we helped each other with our children’s homework and they played downstairs in the playground together.”
On the night of the fire she had been at her mother’s and when she went home with her children her husband was still at the mosque (it was Ramadan). “He returned at about 12.30pm. We didn’t hear anything. I did smell a bit of gas and I went to the kitchen but I thought ‘no smell of gas here’ so I thought maybe it’s nothing. I then went to go to sleep.” At around 1.25am the telephone rang – it was a friend who could see the tower from her balcony. “She doesn’t usually call me that late. She said: ‘Your building is on fire you need to come out, it’s approaching your floor.’” She and her husband woke the kids. “We didn’t call the fire brigade or anything; we just decided to leave.”On the night of the fire she had been at her mother’s and when she went home with her children her husband was still at the mosque (it was Ramadan). “He returned at about 12.30pm. We didn’t hear anything. I did smell a bit of gas and I went to the kitchen but I thought ‘no smell of gas here’ so I thought maybe it’s nothing. I then went to go to sleep.” At around 1.25am the telephone rang – it was a friend who could see the tower from her balcony. “She doesn’t usually call me that late. She said: ‘Your building is on fire you need to come out, it’s approaching your floor.’” She and her husband woke the kids. “We didn’t call the fire brigade or anything; we just decided to leave.”
Zaid wanted to wear his tracksuit bottoms, put on his trainers but there was no time. Youseff picked up Nusaybah who was still sleeping, Hafsa had her slippers on. When they opened the door, “It was just thick black smoke. Really thick. We couldn’t see anything and the smell of it… it’s like gas, it smells of gas.”Zaid wanted to wear his tracksuit bottoms, put on his trainers but there was no time. Youseff picked up Nusaybah who was still sleeping, Hafsa had her slippers on. When they opened the door, “It was just thick black smoke. Really thick. We couldn’t see anything and the smell of it… it’s like gas, it smells of gas.”
She closed the door and asked Youseff: “‘Is it too late?’ I usually panic a lot,” but they opened the door again and this time a firefighter was visible holding open an exit door a few feet away across the corridor. “There was a bit of light to show us where to go. He was telling everyone to get out. I told the children to hold their noses and I did the same. At that time the air on the stairs was normal. No smoke, no heat. I bumped into Mr Mohammed Rasoul, he was taking his uncle out and Mr Sabbah as well, who lost his wife. Then we got outside and we looked around and what we saw was unbelievable – the fire was going all the way to the top of the tower.”She closed the door and asked Youseff: “‘Is it too late?’ I usually panic a lot,” but they opened the door again and this time a firefighter was visible holding open an exit door a few feet away across the corridor. “There was a bit of light to show us where to go. He was telling everyone to get out. I told the children to hold their noses and I did the same. At that time the air on the stairs was normal. No smoke, no heat. I bumped into Mr Mohammed Rasoul, he was taking his uncle out and Mr Sabbah as well, who lost his wife. Then we got outside and we looked around and what we saw was unbelievable – the fire was going all the way to the top of the tower.”
She and Youseff were unsure what to do and where to go. They had never had a fire drill so didn’t know where a meeting point might be. They decided to go to Mouna’s mother’s house, where they left the kids, then went back out to see what was going on. Everywhere she looked, she says, there was chaos – people screaming for help, someone had put bed sheets together and was trying to climb down the outside of the tower, the police shouting at him not to do it. “We heard screaming on the other side [of the tower] as well because someone had dropped [jumped].”She and Youseff were unsure what to do and where to go. They had never had a fire drill so didn’t know where a meeting point might be. They decided to go to Mouna’s mother’s house, where they left the kids, then went back out to see what was going on. Everywhere she looked, she says, there was chaos – people screaming for help, someone had put bed sheets together and was trying to climb down the outside of the tower, the police shouting at him not to do it. “We heard screaming on the other side [of the tower] as well because someone had dropped [jumped].”
Eventually the police told them they had to evacuate Testerton Walk, where her mother lived, and so the family spent that first night at a friend’s.Eventually the police told them they had to evacuate Testerton Walk, where her mother lived, and so the family spent that first night at a friend’s.
After that they were placed in hotels until, in March of this year, they were found a new home in West Kensington. “It’s nice, quiet, and there are other families from Grenfell in the building,” she says, “but it’s not the same.” It is, she confirms, strange and stressful starting from scratch, having lost everything in the fire. “I miss my dad’s things the most,” she says, pausing, her eyes filling with tears. (Her father died in 2010.)After that they were placed in hotels until, in March of this year, they were found a new home in West Kensington. “It’s nice, quiet, and there are other families from Grenfell in the building,” she says, “but it’s not the same.” It is, she confirms, strange and stressful starting from scratch, having lost everything in the fire. “I miss my dad’s things the most,” she says, pausing, her eyes filling with tears. (Her father died in 2010.)
Mouna is still having counselling, she still gets anxious. Before the fire she worked for a local charity, a Moroccan women’s centre, as an adviser on domestic violence – “I supported Arabic-speaking women fleeing abuse” – but she hasn’t felt able to return to this work with vulnerable women. She is not herself, she says. “I am still recovering and trying to rebuild my life as well as my children’s.”Mouna is still having counselling, she still gets anxious. Before the fire she worked for a local charity, a Moroccan women’s centre, as an adviser on domestic violence – “I supported Arabic-speaking women fleeing abuse” – but she hasn’t felt able to return to this work with vulnerable women. She is not herself, she says. “I am still recovering and trying to rebuild my life as well as my children’s.”
Her faith has helped: “We just have to believe that something better will come and those that passed away are in paradise. My faith has been my coping mechanism.” That and being a member of the group Grenfell United. “It is these two things that have made me stronger.”Her faith has helped: “We just have to believe that something better will come and those that passed away are in paradise. My faith has been my coping mechanism.” That and being a member of the group Grenfell United. “It is these two things that have made me stronger.”
Grenfell United was set up in the early days after the fire by some of the survivors and the bereaved. “We gathered together by word of mouth, everyone was in the street. It was decided to start GU to fight for justice, to fight for a voice for the bereaved and the survivors. I joined on the second meeting after a friend, another resident, said to me, ‘We haven’t got a lot of women, why don’t you come?’”Grenfell United was set up in the early days after the fire by some of the survivors and the bereaved. “We gathered together by word of mouth, everyone was in the street. It was decided to start GU to fight for justice, to fight for a voice for the bereaved and the survivors. I joined on the second meeting after a friend, another resident, said to me, ‘We haven’t got a lot of women, why don’t you come?’”
What has surprised Mouna most since the fire is “how we were treated by the government, as if we are nothing. We’ve had to battle and campaign. There has been a lot of hard work, a lot of meetings and pushing and we’re not asking for much – for people to be rehoused [she says there are still about 40 families waiting]. It’s just box-ticking for them. They don’t look at us as humans, only as numbers.”What has surprised Mouna most since the fire is “how we were treated by the government, as if we are nothing. We’ve had to battle and campaign. There has been a lot of hard work, a lot of meetings and pushing and we’re not asking for much – for people to be rehoused [she says there are still about 40 families waiting]. It’s just box-ticking for them. They don’t look at us as humans, only as numbers.”
GU has been doing “great work with the NHS making sure everyone got the support they need. Working for the children as well.… One child asked: ‘Why can’t I go back and make final closure at the tower?’ We decided to take them close [to the tower] to say goodbye before they wrapped the building up. It was an opportunity for the children to express their feelings and we had a really good turnout.”GU has been doing “great work with the NHS making sure everyone got the support they need. Working for the children as well.… One child asked: ‘Why can’t I go back and make final closure at the tower?’ We decided to take them close [to the tower] to say goodbye before they wrapped the building up. It was an opportunity for the children to express their feelings and we had a really good turnout.”
When she first got out of the tower, she recalls watching and thinking that they might eventually be able to go back into the flat again. But at about 2.15am she could see that her sitting room was on fire and she was struck by a wave of relief that they escaped. “I thought others would get out. I was praying that they would.” She had been calling neighbours for hours. “I called quite a few, like Nura, Yayha’s mum – they passed away – I called her from 1.30am to about 4 o’clock and she never answered. My son says now that he feels guilty that he left and his friend stayed behind. They went to the same school and used to do homework together. He still finds it hard to talk about him.”When she first got out of the tower, she recalls watching and thinking that they might eventually be able to go back into the flat again. But at about 2.15am she could see that her sitting room was on fire and she was struck by a wave of relief that they escaped. “I thought others would get out. I was praying that they would.” She had been calling neighbours for hours. “I called quite a few, like Nura, Yayha’s mum – they passed away – I called her from 1.30am to about 4 o’clock and she never answered. My son says now that he feels guilty that he left and his friend stayed behind. They went to the same school and used to do homework together. He still finds it hard to talk about him.”
She can’t believe it is already a year since the fire. “In the Arabic calendar, last night [Monday 4 June] was one year on and I was watching the inquiry with my husband.” The inquiry is, of course, a matter of anxiety for her. “I’m hoping that the judge will see that the people who lost their lives, they were human,” she says. “They worked really hard to make a living… [I hope] that justice will come about. We want those that did it to be prosecuted. We don’t want those lives to be lost for nothing. We want to know what happened, why we were living in a death trap.” Not just for those from Grenfell, she says, but for all those that live in social housing: “We want them all to feel safe in their homes.”She can’t believe it is already a year since the fire. “In the Arabic calendar, last night [Monday 4 June] was one year on and I was watching the inquiry with my husband.” The inquiry is, of course, a matter of anxiety for her. “I’m hoping that the judge will see that the people who lost their lives, they were human,” she says. “They worked really hard to make a living… [I hope] that justice will come about. We want those that did it to be prosecuted. We don’t want those lives to be lost for nothing. We want to know what happened, why we were living in a death trap.” Not just for those from Grenfell, she says, but for all those that live in social housing: “We want them all to feel safe in their homes.”
For the anniversary next week she will be here [at Grenfell United] with her family “to be with the others and give our support. I will definitely go to the silent march [the marches that have taken place in the area on the 14th of every month]. Hopefully my husband will be off work [he returned to his job as a shift engineer in a hotel last August] and we can do iftar with everyone [breaking the fast during Ramadan].”For the anniversary next week she will be here [at Grenfell United] with her family “to be with the others and give our support. I will definitely go to the silent march [the marches that have taken place in the area on the 14th of every month]. Hopefully my husband will be off work [he returned to his job as a shift engineer in a hotel last August] and we can do iftar with everyone [breaking the fast during Ramadan].”
There has been a healing process of sorts over the 12 months, she says, but “to be honest it’s still raw. I still get upset, I still get emotional whenever I speak abut the tower, not just remembering what happened, but sometimes feeling it [the tower] is no longer there is more upsetting. But being with the other residents helps. Even though I’m in West Kensington I will always be in North Kensington. That’s where I lived.”There has been a healing process of sorts over the 12 months, she says, but “to be honest it’s still raw. I still get upset, I still get emotional whenever I speak abut the tower, not just remembering what happened, but sometimes feeling it [the tower] is no longer there is more upsetting. But being with the other residents helps. Even though I’m in West Kensington I will always be in North Kensington. That’s where I lived.”
• The citizen journalist and activist fighting for change after Grenfell• The citizen journalist and activist fighting for change after Grenfell
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