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| High school slut-shaming still haunts me. Kavanaugh made me relive it | High school slut-shaming still haunts me. Kavanaugh made me relive it |
| (about 1 month later) | |
| When Renate Schroeder Dolphin signed a group letter to the Senate judiciary committee claiming that Brett Kavanaugh treated women with respect, she didn’t realize that the boy she had known in high school had publicly slut-shamed her for the amusement of his fellow football players. | When Renate Schroeder Dolphin signed a group letter to the Senate judiciary committee claiming that Brett Kavanaugh treated women with respect, she didn’t realize that the boy she had known in high school had publicly slut-shamed her for the amusement of his fellow football players. |
| Then Dolphin – along with millions of other Americans – discovered that Kavanaugh described himself on his yearbook page as a “Renate Alumnius” (sic), which classmates explained as the code phrase that boys used to boast about their sexual conquest of a female student at a nearby Catholic girls’ school. | Then Dolphin – along with millions of other Americans – discovered that Kavanaugh described himself on his yearbook page as a “Renate Alumnius” (sic), which classmates explained as the code phrase that boys used to boast about their sexual conquest of a female student at a nearby Catholic girls’ school. |
| Dolphin was appalled. “The insinuation is horrible, hurtful and simply untrue,” she said, adding that she had never even kissed Kavanaugh. | Dolphin was appalled. “The insinuation is horrible, hurtful and simply untrue,” she said, adding that she had never even kissed Kavanaugh. |
| It took 35 years for Dolphin to learn what the current US supreme court nominee meant by treating women with respect. When I was a teenager, it only took me a few hours to experience the toll of one boy’s lying braggadocio – but the damage he inflicted has lasted for more than half a century. | It took 35 years for Dolphin to learn what the current US supreme court nominee meant by treating women with respect. When I was a teenager, it only took me a few hours to experience the toll of one boy’s lying braggadocio – but the damage he inflicted has lasted for more than half a century. |
| Did we learn anything from #Me Too? Kavanaugh and Ford will show us | Rebecca Solnit | Did we learn anything from #Me Too? Kavanaugh and Ford will show us | Rebecca Solnit |
| Before the Dolphin story broke, I was already preoccupied with the searing memory of my own high school debacle, because a group of my former classmates had recently organized an informal get-together. The emailed invitation made me feel as sick as the notifications about our 50th high school reunion had two years previously. People say that time heals all wounds, but it turns out that this isn’t remotely true. | Before the Dolphin story broke, I was already preoccupied with the searing memory of my own high school debacle, because a group of my former classmates had recently organized an informal get-together. The emailed invitation made me feel as sick as the notifications about our 50th high school reunion had two years previously. People say that time heals all wounds, but it turns out that this isn’t remotely true. |
| The sexual revolution was brewing when I was in high school, but girls were still supposed to be virgins until they got married, or so we were told. As I began my senior year, I was a 15-year-old with virtually no sexual experience – but I had developed large breasts that attracted an alarming amount of attention. When my Latin class put on a play, I was cast as Eros and costumed in a toga with ribbons that crisscrossed my breasts, making them stand out like torpedoes. A national magazine featured photos of our production, and for the next year my family home was subjected to an unceasing barrage of obscene phone calls from all over the country, leaving my parents so upset they called the police. | The sexual revolution was brewing when I was in high school, but girls were still supposed to be virgins until they got married, or so we were told. As I began my senior year, I was a 15-year-old with virtually no sexual experience – but I had developed large breasts that attracted an alarming amount of attention. When my Latin class put on a play, I was cast as Eros and costumed in a toga with ribbons that crisscrossed my breasts, making them stand out like torpedoes. A national magazine featured photos of our production, and for the next year my family home was subjected to an unceasing barrage of obscene phone calls from all over the country, leaving my parents so upset they called the police. |
| I didn’t yet know that my male classmates were taking bets on a running competition to find out whether my breasts were real or, in the parlance of the day, “falsies”. But it only took one boy to destroy my reputation for the rest of my academic career. | I didn’t yet know that my male classmates were taking bets on a running competition to find out whether my breasts were real or, in the parlance of the day, “falsies”. But it only took one boy to destroy my reputation for the rest of my academic career. |
| I was dating a boy I really liked, so when another classmate made a pass at me, I explained that I was going with someone else, and I turned him down. The next morning, my “friend” – let’s call him Rat – told classmates that I’d slept with him. Since I had declined to have sex with the boy I actually liked, the ugly rumor made me look like a lying hypocrite. Hurt and humiliated, my boyfriend promptly broke up with me, leaving me heartbroken and bewildered. I hadn’t even done what I was accused of doing – and yet that didn’t protect me from public scorn, let alone the loss of my first love. | I was dating a boy I really liked, so when another classmate made a pass at me, I explained that I was going with someone else, and I turned him down. The next morning, my “friend” – let’s call him Rat – told classmates that I’d slept with him. Since I had declined to have sex with the boy I actually liked, the ugly rumor made me look like a lying hypocrite. Hurt and humiliated, my boyfriend promptly broke up with me, leaving me heartbroken and bewildered. I hadn’t even done what I was accused of doing – and yet that didn’t protect me from public scorn, let alone the loss of my first love. |
| But there was worse to come. When I started college, I was 16 years old. On my first day, I met a sophomore whose blue eyes were speckled with gold. Soon we were spending every free moment together. He knew I was a virgin, and he was respectful of my wishes – until his roommate went home to Boston for the weekend. In a diabolical coincidence, the roommate was invited to a party where he met Rat, who was attending college there. When he learned the name of Rat’s hometown in New York, he asked if Rat knew me – whereupon Rat gleefully regaled him with a sordid account of what a tramp I had been in high school. | But there was worse to come. When I started college, I was 16 years old. On my first day, I met a sophomore whose blue eyes were speckled with gold. Soon we were spending every free moment together. He knew I was a virgin, and he was respectful of my wishes – until his roommate went home to Boston for the weekend. In a diabolical coincidence, the roommate was invited to a party where he met Rat, who was attending college there. When he learned the name of Rat’s hometown in New York, he asked if Rat knew me – whereupon Rat gleefully regaled him with a sordid account of what a tramp I had been in high school. |
| The roommate was astonished, because he knew me as the clueless virgin who wouldn’t sleep with his friend. But of course he came back to our university in Philadelphia and told all his fraternity brothers I was a deceitful slut. Like my high school boyfriend, my college boyfriend responded by ending our relationship. | The roommate was astonished, because he knew me as the clueless virgin who wouldn’t sleep with his friend. But of course he came back to our university in Philadelphia and told all his fraternity brothers I was a deceitful slut. Like my high school boyfriend, my college boyfriend responded by ending our relationship. |
| Not yet 17 and still a virgin, I had now been slandered up and down the eastern seaboard by a single false rumor spread by one boy who managed to wreck my reputation in high school and in college, which had in turn cost me both my high school boyfriend and my college boyfriend. | Not yet 17 and still a virgin, I had now been slandered up and down the eastern seaboard by a single false rumor spread by one boy who managed to wreck my reputation in high school and in college, which had in turn cost me both my high school boyfriend and my college boyfriend. |
| The losses left me reeling, but the emotional blows were greatly exacerbated by the fear they generated. The power of malicious gossip was terrifying; even when it wasn’t true, it could ruin your life. | The losses left me reeling, but the emotional blows were greatly exacerbated by the fear they generated. The power of malicious gossip was terrifying; even when it wasn’t true, it could ruin your life. |
| The pain of being shamed that way has never left me. Fifty years later, I couldn’t bear the thought of going to my high school reunion. This month, when I was invited to the latest get-together, I stayed home once again. | The pain of being shamed that way has never left me. Fifty years later, I couldn’t bear the thought of going to my high school reunion. This month, when I was invited to the latest get-together, I stayed home once again. |
| Since the Dolphin story broke, I’ve been thinking about the emotional wounds that boys, puffed up with the arrogance of male entitlement, can inflict on girls they desire, particularly if they’re angry that a girl has rejected them. When Brett Kavanaugh described himself as a “Renate Alumnius” in his high school yearbook, I’m sure he never imagined that his scurrilous insinuations might come back to haunt him 35 years later. | Since the Dolphin story broke, I’ve been thinking about the emotional wounds that boys, puffed up with the arrogance of male entitlement, can inflict on girls they desire, particularly if they’re angry that a girl has rejected them. When Brett Kavanaugh described himself as a “Renate Alumnius” in his high school yearbook, I’m sure he never imagined that his scurrilous insinuations might come back to haunt him 35 years later. |
| But to me, what’s even more striking is the fact that he didn’t care about – or maybe didn’t even stop to consider – the moral and ethical dimensions of his decision to put his name to a self-congratulatory lie that tarnished someone else’s reputation. More than three decades later, that long-ago choice embarrassed Renate yet again, this time before the whole nation. So far Kavanaugh hasn’t even said he’s sorry for what he did to her, either then or now. | But to me, what’s even more striking is the fact that he didn’t care about – or maybe didn’t even stop to consider – the moral and ethical dimensions of his decision to put his name to a self-congratulatory lie that tarnished someone else’s reputation. More than three decades later, that long-ago choice embarrassed Renate yet again, this time before the whole nation. So far Kavanaugh hasn’t even said he’s sorry for what he did to her, either then or now. |
| It seems to be so easy for men to forget the damage they’ve wrought. Do they know that the women they hurt will never be able to forget, let alone heal? If I had to guess, I’d bet that for more than half a century, Rat hasn’t given a thought to that long-ago night when I turned down his advances and he retaliated by trashing my reputation. | It seems to be so easy for men to forget the damage they’ve wrought. Do they know that the women they hurt will never be able to forget, let alone heal? If I had to guess, I’d bet that for more than half a century, Rat hasn’t given a thought to that long-ago night when I turned down his advances and he retaliated by trashing my reputation. |
| Like Kavanaugh, maybe Rat even sees himself as a guy who treats women with respect. No doubt he’d be astonished to hear how much his careless cruelty cost me. I’m sure he’s never imagined what a toxic effect it had in shaping my hopes, my fears and my ways of coping with the adult world. | Like Kavanaugh, maybe Rat even sees himself as a guy who treats women with respect. No doubt he’d be astonished to hear how much his careless cruelty cost me. I’m sure he’s never imagined what a toxic effect it had in shaping my hopes, my fears and my ways of coping with the adult world. |
| But I know I’m not the only one. Women all over the country are following the appalling spectacle of Kavanaugh’s US supreme court confirmation – and all of us were schoolgirls once. Wherever I go, I hear women talk about the sexual assaults and social stigma that men inflicted on them when they were young. Many of us have spent decades trying to get over those experiences, but the Kavanaugh confirmation has ripped open the wounds yet again. And again we find ourselves tormented, losing sleepless nights and agitated days to the roiling emotions we will never be able to reconcile. | But I know I’m not the only one. Women all over the country are following the appalling spectacle of Kavanaugh’s US supreme court confirmation – and all of us were schoolgirls once. Wherever I go, I hear women talk about the sexual assaults and social stigma that men inflicted on them when they were young. Many of us have spent decades trying to get over those experiences, but the Kavanaugh confirmation has ripped open the wounds yet again. And again we find ourselves tormented, losing sleepless nights and agitated days to the roiling emotions we will never be able to reconcile. |
| The viciously partisan crossfire in Washington has already elicited an “I am Spartacus” proclamation from Senator Cory Booker, but everyone knows that Spartacus – like most of our heroes throughout human history – was a man. | The viciously partisan crossfire in Washington has already elicited an “I am Spartacus” proclamation from Senator Cory Booker, but everyone knows that Spartacus – like most of our heroes throughout human history – was a man. |
| Women have always been relegated to different roles: Madonna and whore, virgin and crone. For decades, I’d consoled myself with the idea that things had gotten better for girls trying to navigate the minefield of female sexuality. But when my daughter entered middle school, I realized how wrong I’d been. | Women have always been relegated to different roles: Madonna and whore, virgin and crone. For decades, I’d consoled myself with the idea that things had gotten better for girls trying to navigate the minefield of female sexuality. But when my daughter entered middle school, I realized how wrong I’d been. |
| Why Brett Kavanaugh is still the trump card for US conservatives | Jonathan Freedland | Why Brett Kavanaugh is still the trump card for US conservatives | Jonathan Freedland |
| “Why is it that when a boy does sexual stuff with a lot of girls, everyone thinks he’s a player and looks up to him – but if a girl does sexual stuff with boys, everyone thinks she’s a slut and looks down on her?” my daughter asked. | “Why is it that when a boy does sexual stuff with a lot of girls, everyone thinks he’s a player and looks up to him – but if a girl does sexual stuff with boys, everyone thinks she’s a slut and looks down on her?” my daughter asked. |
| The question hit me like a blow to the solar plexus. But the dismay I felt was tempered with a secret relief: if my daughter had already figured out the way things were, perhaps she’d be better able to protect herself from such double standards than I was at her age. | The question hit me like a blow to the solar plexus. But the dismay I felt was tempered with a secret relief: if my daughter had already figured out the way things were, perhaps she’d be better able to protect herself from such double standards than I was at her age. |
| My daughter is now an adult, and she’s doing fine – although she has fought off her share of sexual advances that have left varying degrees of trauma. | My daughter is now an adult, and she’s doing fine – although she has fought off her share of sexual advances that have left varying degrees of trauma. |
| I won’t presume to speak for her, but here’s what I’d like to say to the men now trying to make sense of the Kavanaugh confirmation – and of women’s reactions to the #MeToo movement. | I won’t presume to speak for her, but here’s what I’d like to say to the men now trying to make sense of the Kavanaugh confirmation – and of women’s reactions to the #MeToo movement. |
| I’m not Spartacus. But I am Renate – and I suspect a lot of other women are feeling the same way. | I’m not Spartacus. But I am Renate – and I suspect a lot of other women are feeling the same way. |
| Leslie Bennetts is a longtime Vanity Fair writer, former New York Times reporter, and author whose most recent book is Last Girl Before Freeway: The Life, Loves, Losses and Liberation of Joan Rivers | Leslie Bennetts is a longtime Vanity Fair writer, former New York Times reporter, and author whose most recent book is Last Girl Before Freeway: The Life, Loves, Losses and Liberation of Joan Rivers |
| After this article was published, Brett Kavanaugh apologized to Renate Schroeder Dolphin | After this article was published, Brett Kavanaugh apologized to Renate Schroeder Dolphin |
| Leslie Bennetts is a longtime Vanity Fair writer, former New York Times reporter, and author whose most recent book is Last Girl Before Freeway: The Life, Loves, Losses and Liberation of Joan Rivers | Leslie Bennetts is a longtime Vanity Fair writer, former New York Times reporter, and author whose most recent book is Last Girl Before Freeway: The Life, Loves, Losses and Liberation of Joan Rivers |
| After this article was published, Brett Kavanaugh apologized to Renate Schroeder Dolphin | After this article was published, Brett Kavanaugh apologized to Renate Schroeder Dolphin |
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