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| Christine Blasey Ford's Heartbreaking Desire to Please | Christine Blasey Ford's Heartbreaking Desire to Please |
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| Whether you believed her or not, whether she was assaulted or not, whether she was unambiguously offered the chance to testify in California or Washington or Timbuktu, Christine Blasey Ford made one thing painfully clear in her testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday, and that was her genuine, almost desperate desire to please. | Whether you believed her or not, whether she was assaulted or not, whether she was unambiguously offered the chance to testify in California or Washington or Timbuktu, Christine Blasey Ford made one thing painfully clear in her testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday, and that was her genuine, almost desperate desire to please. |
| It was heartbreaking to watch — as heartbreaking, in its way, as her testimony itself. There she was, recounting before a national audience her memory of being sexually assaulted in high school by President Trump’s Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, an experience that she said left her traumatized, shaken; some 30 years later she found it so unignorable that she was discussing it with a therapist. (It had rendered her sufficiently claustrophobic, she noted, to make her install a second front door to her home.) Yet her instinct, at every step of the way, was to be transparent, eager, almost agonizingly conciliatory. And it started almost the moment she began to speak. | It was heartbreaking to watch — as heartbreaking, in its way, as her testimony itself. There she was, recounting before a national audience her memory of being sexually assaulted in high school by President Trump’s Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, an experience that she said left her traumatized, shaken; some 30 years later she found it so unignorable that she was discussing it with a therapist. (It had rendered her sufficiently claustrophobic, she noted, to make her install a second front door to her home.) Yet her instinct, at every step of the way, was to be transparent, eager, almost agonizingly conciliatory. And it started almost the moment she began to speak. |
| “I’ll lean forward,” she told Chuck Grassley, the committee’s chairman, when she discovered she couldn’t bring the microphone closer. “Is this good?” | “I’ll lean forward,” she told Chuck Grassley, the committee’s chairman, when she discovered she couldn’t bring the microphone closer. “Is this good?” |
| It was. “I will do my best to answer your questions,” she continued, “and would request some caffeine.” | It was. “I will do my best to answer your questions,” she continued, “and would request some caffeine.” |
| So began her testimony. She nodded a lot. She double- and triple-checked her documents to make sure she was on the same page, literally, as Rachel Mitchell, the prosecutor appointed by the Senate Republicans to cross-examine her. When Mitchell told her the committee had offered to interview her at her home, she seemed dismayed to have misunderstood. “I just appreciate that you did offer to do that,” Blasey said. “I wasn’t clear what the offer was. If you were going to come out to see me, I would have happily hosted you and had you!” | So began her testimony. She nodded a lot. She double- and triple-checked her documents to make sure she was on the same page, literally, as Rachel Mitchell, the prosecutor appointed by the Senate Republicans to cross-examine her. When Mitchell told her the committee had offered to interview her at her home, she seemed dismayed to have misunderstood. “I just appreciate that you did offer to do that,” Blasey said. “I wasn’t clear what the offer was. If you were going to come out to see me, I would have happily hosted you and had you!” |
| I am not sure the Senate Republicans were quite prepared for how guileless Blasey was. Nor, do I suspect, was Mitchell, whose trap-laying style seemed designed for a witness everyone assumed would be far more canny or polished. (“I just realized I said something inaccurate,” was one of the phrases Blasey repeated over and over again, trying to help.) She was so without guile that she seemed to regard Mitchell as an ally, a means to tell her story, not even registering the prosecutor’s insinuation that her fear of flying was less than real. (“Correct, unfortunately,” she said, confirming that many of her hobbies and family obligations required taking airplanes.) | I am not sure the Senate Republicans were quite prepared for how guileless Blasey was. Nor, do I suspect, was Mitchell, whose trap-laying style seemed designed for a witness everyone assumed would be far more canny or polished. (“I just realized I said something inaccurate,” was one of the phrases Blasey repeated over and over again, trying to help.) She was so without guile that she seemed to regard Mitchell as an ally, a means to tell her story, not even registering the prosecutor’s insinuation that her fear of flying was less than real. (“Correct, unfortunately,” she said, confirming that many of her hobbies and family obligations required taking airplanes.) |
| When Grassley asked her, after over an hour of proceedings, if it was true she wanted a break, Blasey looked uncertain. “I — I — I’m used to being collegial, so ...” she answered. | When Grassley asked her, after over an hour of proceedings, if it was true she wanted a break, Blasey looked uncertain. “I — I — I’m used to being collegial, so ...” she answered. |
| And that’s just the point. This reflex — to get along, to be the A student, to accommodate and ingratiate — is one with which many, if not most women, can relate. There was an unbearable poignancy to Blasey’s nervousness, an implicit apology in her performance, one that combined a deep wish to be taken seriously with a sincere desire to get things right. What seemed anathema to her was failing — getting the facts wrong, wasting everyone’s time. | And that’s just the point. This reflex — to get along, to be the A student, to accommodate and ingratiate — is one with which many, if not most women, can relate. There was an unbearable poignancy to Blasey’s nervousness, an implicit apology in her performance, one that combined a deep wish to be taken seriously with a sincere desire to get things right. What seemed anathema to her was failing — getting the facts wrong, wasting everyone’s time. |
| It’s tiresome at this point to note that women in public life are held to more exacting standards than men are. Had Blasey seemed angry, there’s a chance she’d have seemed too angry; had she cried for too long, there’s a chance she’d have seemed too emotional, hysterical, her womb zooming freely through her body. What she did instead — instinctively — is what women have done forever in situations like these: make herself as helpful and conscientious as possible. It was adaptive. And in this case, effective — at least in that it established her as believable. | It’s tiresome at this point to note that women in public life are held to more exacting standards than men are. Had Blasey seemed angry, there’s a chance she’d have seemed too angry; had she cried for too long, there’s a chance she’d have seemed too emotional, hysterical, her womb zooming freely through her body. What she did instead — instinctively — is what women have done forever in situations like these: make herself as helpful and conscientious as possible. It was adaptive. And in this case, effective — at least in that it established her as believable. |
| There were gaps in her testimony. She was aware of this. But what made it powerful was its immediacy, its psychological specificity. She took pains to note, for example, that Kavanaugh and his friend weren’t laughing at her, as Patrick Leahy, the ranking Democrat on the committee, said. “They were laughing with each other,” she said. | There were gaps in her testimony. She was aware of this. But what made it powerful was its immediacy, its psychological specificity. She took pains to note, for example, that Kavanaugh and his friend weren’t laughing at her, as Patrick Leahy, the ranking Democrat on the committee, said. “They were laughing with each other,” she said. |
| She went out of her way to make the distinction between being mocked and being used. To her, this mattered. | She went out of her way to make the distinction between being mocked and being used. To her, this mattered. |
| Blasey has said that what haunts her most from the night of her encounter with Brett Kavanaugh is him clamping his hand over her mouth, stifling her attempt to scream for help. | Blasey has said that what haunts her most from the night of her encounter with Brett Kavanaugh is him clamping his hand over her mouth, stifling her attempt to scream for help. |
| It’s a chilling image. That it happens to be a literalization of a metaphor — he was actually silencing a woman, choking off her speech — does not help. | It’s a chilling image. That it happens to be a literalization of a metaphor — he was actually silencing a woman, choking off her speech — does not help. |
| But 30-odd years later, Blasey answered with a literal metaphor of her own. She may have been ingratiating, yes. But she also leaned in. She bent her head toward the microphone and told her story. | But 30-odd years later, Blasey answered with a literal metaphor of her own. She may have been ingratiating, yes. But she also leaned in. She bent her head toward the microphone and told her story. |
| Follow The New York Times Opinion section on Facebook and Twitter (@NYTopinion), and sign up for the Opinion Today newsletter. | Follow The New York Times Opinion section on Facebook and Twitter (@NYTopinion), and sign up for the Opinion Today newsletter. |