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You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2018/sep/30/tory-conference-brandon-lewis-avoids-appgate-amid-party-bid-for-young-voters
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| Tory conference: Brandon Lewis forgets Appgate amid bid for young voters | Tory conference: Brandon Lewis forgets Appgate amid bid for young voters |
| (about 14 hours later) | |
| A few dozen people with an average age of 55 gathered in a room to discuss how to win back the under 45s. Though not Matt Hancock, who was a no-show. A shame because he could have lowered the average age to 54. The health secretary is 39 going on 12. James Brokenshire also failed to attend a fringe event on dealing with disasters and emergencies. Not even the communities minister had an answer to the disaster that this year’s Tory party conference in Birmingham is shaping up to be. The best that anyone is hoping for this year is to come out alive. | A few dozen people with an average age of 55 gathered in a room to discuss how to win back the under 45s. Though not Matt Hancock, who was a no-show. A shame because he could have lowered the average age to 54. The health secretary is 39 going on 12. James Brokenshire also failed to attend a fringe event on dealing with disasters and emergencies. Not even the communities minister had an answer to the disaster that this year’s Tory party conference in Birmingham is shaping up to be. The best that anyone is hoping for this year is to come out alive. |
| Even those who did turn up were rather regretting their decision. The business secretary, Greg Clark, had the best of it as no one heard a word he had to say because he was drowned out by whoops and cheers from next door for Ruth Davidson, the woman whom every Tory – Boris Johnson excepted – wishes was their leader. | Even those who did turn up were rather regretting their decision. The business secretary, Greg Clark, had the best of it as no one heard a word he had to say because he was drowned out by whoops and cheers from next door for Ruth Davidson, the woman whom every Tory – Boris Johnson excepted – wishes was their leader. |
| In a studio nearby, the prime minister – for the time being at any rate – was going through the latest in her ongoing series of private hells on the BBC’s Andrew Marr show. Normally the Sunday morning of a party conference is a chance for a party leader to come up with some positive spin and a policy announcement on the politics chat shows. | In a studio nearby, the prime minister – for the time being at any rate – was going through the latest in her ongoing series of private hells on the BBC’s Andrew Marr show. Normally the Sunday morning of a party conference is a chance for a party leader to come up with some positive spin and a policy announcement on the politics chat shows. |
| Theresa May only had her silence to offer. Nothing to say on Windrush. Nothing to say on Brexit. Nothing to say about anything. She merely rolled herself into a foetal ball, her expression a hybrid of fury and glacial misery, and counted down the minutes to the end of the interview. | Theresa May only had her silence to offer. Nothing to say on Windrush. Nothing to say on Brexit. Nothing to say about anything. She merely rolled herself into a foetal ball, her expression a hybrid of fury and glacial misery, and counted down the minutes to the end of the interview. |
| It was left to Brandon Lewis to open proceedings in the main conference hall. After scraping the barrel with his achievements in holding on to Wandsworth in the local elections, Lewis declared: “Never did I believe I might stand up here as party chairman.” It was a feeling widely shared by everyone in the room, as he is a man who likes to keep his talents well hidden. | It was left to Brandon Lewis to open proceedings in the main conference hall. After scraping the barrel with his achievements in holding on to Wandsworth in the local elections, Lewis declared: “Never did I believe I might stand up here as party chairman.” It was a feeling widely shared by everyone in the room, as he is a man who likes to keep his talents well hidden. |
| It’s also a racing certainty that he won’t be party chairman by this time next year, as he was responsible for showing the government was leading the way in technological Brexit solutions by producing a conference app that listed the phone numbers of almost everyone in government. Fortunately, Chris Grayling had managed to provide the organisers with the wrong details, so he wasn’t compromised. Even the losers get lucky sometimes. | It’s also a racing certainty that he won’t be party chairman by this time next year, as he was responsible for showing the government was leading the way in technological Brexit solutions by producing a conference app that listed the phone numbers of almost everyone in government. Fortunately, Chris Grayling had managed to provide the organisers with the wrong details, so he wasn’t compromised. Even the losers get lucky sometimes. |
| For some reason, Lewis chose not to mention Appgate – probably hoping that there were plenty more far worse shitstorms yet to come and everyone would have forgotten about his by the end of the week – and instead concentrated on delivering a speech so dull, so devoid of content insight, that it would set the tone for the whole conference. An endeavour in which he was wholly successful. | For some reason, Lewis chose not to mention Appgate – probably hoping that there were plenty more far worse shitstorms yet to come and everyone would have forgotten about his by the end of the week – and instead concentrated on delivering a speech so dull, so devoid of content insight, that it would set the tone for the whole conference. An endeavour in which he was wholly successful. |
| So much so that there were even fewer people in the hall than there otherwise might have been to hear Liam Fox declare that the big Brexit dividend was to be found in selling dairy products to China. Blessed are the cheese-makers, for they shall inherit the earth. Even by his own standards, that was catatonically dim, but these days the international trade secretary will say almost anything to get some attention. His neediness is not attractive. | So much so that there were even fewer people in the hall than there otherwise might have been to hear Liam Fox declare that the big Brexit dividend was to be found in selling dairy products to China. Blessed are the cheese-makers, for they shall inherit the earth. Even by his own standards, that was catatonically dim, but these days the international trade secretary will say almost anything to get some attention. His neediness is not attractive. |
| Normally the speech from the defence secretary is one of the highlights of a Tory conference, but Gavin Williamson’s reputation precedes him. The more desperate he is to sound authoritative, the more he sounds like Private Pike. He is a man who oozes levitas, even when he has two awfully big announcements to make. | Normally the speech from the defence secretary is one of the highlights of a Tory conference, but Gavin Williamson’s reputation precedes him. The more desperate he is to sound authoritative, the more he sounds like Private Pike. He is a man who oozes levitas, even when he has two awfully big announcements to make. |
| The first was that he was going to name a new ship HMS Birmingham. The second was that he was going to set up a cadets’ cyber security training centre. This from a party that can’t even manage its own conference app. Even Private Pike had the grace to die a little at this point. | The first was that he was going to name a new ship HMS Birmingham. The second was that he was going to set up a cadets’ cyber security training centre. This from a party that can’t even manage its own conference app. Even Private Pike had the grace to die a little at this point. |
| The only speaker to stop the audience from flatlining wasn’t a politician. Or even a Tory. But Digby Jones, the former head of the CBI, is a fully paid-up Brexiter and he was there to tell everyone that Brexit was going to be fine. He didn’t know why and he didn’t know how, but no one was too concerned. They just wanted a glimmer of hope. | The only speaker to stop the audience from flatlining wasn’t a politician. Or even a Tory. But Digby Jones, the former head of the CBI, is a fully paid-up Brexiter and he was there to tell everyone that Brexit was going to be fine. He didn’t know why and he didn’t know how, but no one was too concerned. They just wanted a glimmer of hope. |
| Conservative conference 2018 | Conservative conference 2018 |
| The politics sketch | The politics sketch |
| Conservatives | Conservatives |
| Theresa May | Theresa May |
| Gavin Williamson | Gavin Williamson |
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