This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/nov/02/even-i-can-see-the-upside-of-a-ban-on-morning-drinking-at-airports
The article has changed 4 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| Even I can see the upside of a ban on morning drinking at airports | Even I can see the upside of a ban on morning drinking at airports |
| (about 9 hours later) | |
| Remember 2007? Leona Lewis had the most successful single of the year with Bleeding Love after being the only credible artist to ever come out of a reality TV talent show, Jack Wills and Ugg boots were actual things people wore, and Brexit was just a twinkle in the eyes of all the rich old men aiming to get even richer using the tried-and-tested method of Creating Widespread Political Instability. | Remember 2007? Leona Lewis had the most successful single of the year with Bleeding Love after being the only credible artist to ever come out of a reality TV talent show, Jack Wills and Ugg boots were actual things people wore, and Brexit was just a twinkle in the eyes of all the rich old men aiming to get even richer using the tried-and-tested method of Creating Widespread Political Instability. |
| But then the government, the nanny state, those over-zealous infringers of personal freedom, had to ruin everyone’s late noughties fun by banning smoking. Gahhh! Gnash! Wail! How would any of us be able to enjoy our clubs, pubs or bars if we couldn’t waft around in acrid secondhand smoke? At the time, the purveyor of bad takes that is Rod Liddle gnashed lyrical in the Spectator about how he was “angrier with the government about the smoking ban than the Iraq war”. You tell ‘em Rod. You fight for that health hazard. Rage, rage against the dying of unnecessary heart and lung disease! | But then the government, the nanny state, those over-zealous infringers of personal freedom, had to ruin everyone’s late noughties fun by banning smoking. Gahhh! Gnash! Wail! How would any of us be able to enjoy our clubs, pubs or bars if we couldn’t waft around in acrid secondhand smoke? At the time, the purveyor of bad takes that is Rod Liddle gnashed lyrical in the Spectator about how he was “angrier with the government about the smoking ban than the Iraq war”. You tell ‘em Rod. You fight for that health hazard. Rage, rage against the dying of unnecessary heart and lung disease! |
| And now, 11 years later, those arbiters of individual liberty, those control freaks at No 10, are trying to stop holidaygoers downing pints any time they damn well please, at any airport they damn well want, at any time their Ryanair flight damn well leaves! Gnash! Wail! | And now, 11 years later, those arbiters of individual liberty, those control freaks at No 10, are trying to stop holidaygoers downing pints any time they damn well please, at any airport they damn well want, at any time their Ryanair flight damn well leaves! Gnash! Wail! |
| How will we drink at 6am? How are we expected to get excited about a holiday on which we’ll only realistically be drinking as early as midday, because drinking any earlier is almost completely unheard of outside an airport? How will we divert flights because of drunken mid-air fights? How will we infuriate everyone that isn’t off their face before most people have even thought about breakfast? | How will we drink at 6am? How are we expected to get excited about a holiday on which we’ll only realistically be drinking as early as midday, because drinking any earlier is almost completely unheard of outside an airport? How will we divert flights because of drunken mid-air fights? How will we infuriate everyone that isn’t off their face before most people have even thought about breakfast? |
| Once again, those eternally tutting parents of the UK that reside in Westminster are trampling all over our right to completely do ourselves over for no reason, and it stinks as much as the deep embedding of secondhand smoke in a carpet. | Once again, those eternally tutting parents of the UK that reside in Westminster are trampling all over our right to completely do ourselves over for no reason, and it stinks as much as the deep embedding of secondhand smoke in a carpet. |
| Enough with the ironic outrage. It’s boring and annoying when people react like this. If you know me, you’ll know that there’s nothing I enjoy more than drinking as many pints as I can in the airport ‘Spoons before I get on a plane. I can’t remember how many times I’ve proudly posted a picture of a pint at Gatwick with the time gleefully showing something nearer to when I wake up to go to the gym in the morning. “I’m reckless, I’m indulgent, I’m wacky!” screams the picture, releasing a miasma of mouth-warmed Guinness as it does so, “I’m going on bloody holiday!” And even though it was basically really annoying and quite boring for everyone else, I loved it. Getting drunk before getting on the plane is like a solemn vow to your holiday. “Dear holiday gods,” you pray, “I sacrifice these pints and any chance of getting anything done the whole morning after I land to your all-knowing hedonistic benevolence.” You drink because you deserve it, you justify. | Enough with the ironic outrage. It’s boring and annoying when people react like this. If you know me, you’ll know that there’s nothing I enjoy more than drinking as many pints as I can in the airport ‘Spoons before I get on a plane. I can’t remember how many times I’ve proudly posted a picture of a pint at Gatwick with the time gleefully showing something nearer to when I wake up to go to the gym in the morning. “I’m reckless, I’m indulgent, I’m wacky!” screams the picture, releasing a miasma of mouth-warmed Guinness as it does so, “I’m going on bloody holiday!” And even though it was basically really annoying and quite boring for everyone else, I loved it. Getting drunk before getting on the plane is like a solemn vow to your holiday. “Dear holiday gods,” you pray, “I sacrifice these pints and any chance of getting anything done the whole morning after I land to your all-knowing hedonistic benevolence.” You drink because you deserve it, you justify. |
| But really aren’t I, and aren’t we all, just drinking because we can? If we’re all such a bunch of babies that we can’t have nice things like a 6am pint without the BBC’s Panorama revealing that there has been a 50% increase in arrests relating to drunken behaviour on flights and at UK airports in a year, is it any wonder if democratically elected mums and dads take away the nice Wetherspoons toy and put it in the drawer until we can all learn to behave. | |
| Like the smoking ban, I suspect that if tomorrow there was a sudden ban on drinking in airports across the country before noon, next time we get to an airport before the sleep has even been wiped from our eyes, we’d all go, “Oh what, we can’t drink any more!?” and feign incredulity, because drinking is funny! And getting drunk is so zany, especially in the morning! | Like the smoking ban, I suspect that if tomorrow there was a sudden ban on drinking in airports across the country before noon, next time we get to an airport before the sleep has even been wiped from our eyes, we’d all go, “Oh what, we can’t drink any more!?” and feign incredulity, because drinking is funny! And getting drunk is so zany, especially in the morning! |
| But deep down you wouldn’t really care, and might actually be relieved, because you can now just go eat some breakfast like a normal person, and not be nursing a three-pint hangover before you even touch down. | But deep down you wouldn’t really care, and might actually be relieved, because you can now just go eat some breakfast like a normal person, and not be nursing a three-pint hangover before you even touch down. |
| • Tom Usher is a freelance journalist | • Tom Usher is a freelance journalist |
| Alcohol | Alcohol |
| Opinion | Opinion |
| Air transport | Air transport |
| Smoking | Smoking |
| comment | comment |
| Share on Facebook | Share on Facebook |
| Share on Twitter | Share on Twitter |
| Share via Email | Share via Email |
| Share on LinkedIn | Share on LinkedIn |
| Share on Pinterest | Share on Pinterest |
| Share on Google+ | Share on Google+ |
| Share on WhatsApp | Share on WhatsApp |
| Share on Messenger | Share on Messenger |
| Reuse this content | Reuse this content |