Trump pardons Thanksgiving turkeys in somewhat joyless event

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/nov/20/trump-pardons-thanksgiving-turkeys

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It was Forrest Gump who declared: “Jenny and me was like peas and carrots.”

On Tuesday Forrest Trump, or rather Donald Trump, declared: “I will be issuing both Peas and Carrots a presidential pardon.”

The US president was not talking vegetables. He was observing one of the more peculiar presidential traditions: the annual White House ceremony to spare a plump turkey from the Thanksgiving dinner table, which began in earnest with George H W Bush in 1989.

Trump was accompanied in the rose garden by his wife Melania, who was sporting a fancy Christian Dior coat. But their son Barron, 12, was nowhere to be seen at an event where children usually take centre stage.

It was, indeed, a somewhat joyless occasion. Trump, much mocked by late-night comedians such as Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel, trying his own hand at political satire. It did not go well. Rather, it made one nostalgic for Barack Obama’s awful puns (“Yes, we cran”) that made his teenage daughters cringe.

The president announced that Peas, weighing 39lbs, had won a public vote on the White House website to be guest of honour, while 41lb-Carrots would be the alternative turkey. “This was a fair election,” the president insisted on a chilly but sunny day. “Unfortunately Carrots refused to concede and demanded a recount. We’re still fighting with Carrots.”

Not funny if you’re Stacey Abrams, an African American woman who believes she was robbed by voter suppression in the election for governor of Georgia. There was a ripple of polite laughter from the invited audience.

Trump added: “And I will tell you we’ve come to a conclusion: Carrots, I’m sorry to tell you the result did not change. It’s too bad for Carrots.”

Peas and Carrots, both raised on a farm near Huron, South Dakota, will get to live the rest of their (short) lives at a Virginia farm. “However,” Trump said, “Even though Peas and Carrots have received a presidential pardon, I have warned them that House Democrats are likely to issue them both subpoenas.”

Trump’s daughter Ivanka, sitting on the front row with her son on her knee, forced a smile even though it had just emerged those same House Democrats intend to investigate whether she broke federal law by using a personal email account for government business.

The comedian-in-chief wasn’t done. “Unfortunately, I can’t guarantee that your pardons won’t be enjoined by the 9th Circuit. Always happens. They’re guaranteed,” he said – a swipe at the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, which has blocked several actions by the Trump administration, including his decision to end the Daca programme.

Did “the hook” slowly hover into view to yank this performer off stage? It did not.

Trump carried on for a few minutes, then approached the winning turkey and raised his hand like a priest offering benediction. “Peas, I hereby grant you a full pardon!” he pronounced before ruffling its feathers.

Melania smiled and applauded. Hand in hand, they walked up the steps and back to the Oval Office. Like peas and carrots.