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Sussing out the corridors of power Sussing out the corridors of power
(about 4 hours later)
One MP suggests telling constituents who are "possessed" by aliens: "Not you too?" (Picture courtesy of Doctor Who/BBC) By Mandy Baker Producer, BBC Radio 4's Received WisdomOne MP suggests telling constituents who are "possessed" by aliens: "Not you too?" (Picture courtesy of Doctor Who/BBC) By Mandy Baker Producer, BBC Radio 4's Received Wisdom
Arriving at the Palace of Westminster is a daunting experience for any new Member of Parliament. There is no rulebook, yet the place is full of rules. As one MP put it, you have to suss it by osmosis.Arriving at the Palace of Westminster is a daunting experience for any new Member of Parliament. There is no rulebook, yet the place is full of rules. As one MP put it, you have to suss it by osmosis.
But the process of osmosis is helped in no small measure by the torrent of wise words freely offered by previous generations of MPs, some useful, some just plain eccentric.But the process of osmosis is helped in no small measure by the torrent of wise words freely offered by previous generations of MPs, some useful, some just plain eccentric.
The most famous golden rule is, of course, that while the opposition is seated on the benches opposite, the enemy is behind you.The most famous golden rule is, of course, that while the opposition is seated on the benches opposite, the enemy is behind you.
But how long should an MP spend in the chamber? Labour's Denis MacShane says as much time as possible. But his colleague Austin Mitchell isn't convinced.But how long should an MP spend in the chamber? Labour's Denis MacShane says as much time as possible. But his colleague Austin Mitchell isn't convinced.
He tells the story of the Wolverhampton South West MP Rob Marris, who was famous for the hours he spent in there, yet he was never promoted to the frontbenches.He tells the story of the Wolverhampton South West MP Rob Marris, who was famous for the hours he spent in there, yet he was never promoted to the frontbenches.
"Why not?" he asked Tony Blair, only to be told "You don't spend enough time in the chamber!""Why not?" he asked Tony Blair, only to be told "You don't spend enough time in the chamber!"
What about dealing with constituents? Most just want a sympathetic ear, but some are more in need of psychological treatment.What about dealing with constituents? Most just want a sympathetic ear, but some are more in need of psychological treatment.
The Conservative MP Hugo Swire says that when confronted with a constituent who insists he has been possessed by aliens, the MP should put a hand on his shoulder and say "Not you too?". That generally shuts them up.The Conservative MP Hugo Swire says that when confronted with a constituent who insists he has been possessed by aliens, the MP should put a hand on his shoulder and say "Not you too?". That generally shuts them up.
TOP TIPS FOR PROMOTION Lord Steel: Get accustomed before you open your mouth Lord Foulkes: If you do anything wrong, don't get caughtTOP TIPS FOR PROMOTION Lord Steel: Get accustomed before you open your mouth Lord Foulkes: If you do anything wrong, don't get caught
Then there is the deathray - people who think a fatal light is being shone into their home by dark forces. Lord Tebbit says he always recommended they should wear Wellington boots to protect them from the deadly rays.Then there is the deathray - people who think a fatal light is being shone into their home by dark forces. Lord Tebbit says he always recommended they should wear Wellington boots to protect them from the deadly rays.
But Labour's Emily Thornberry cautions against dismissing such cases. She tells the tale of a woman who insisted blue smoke was coming through the wall. When a diligent researcher checked it out he found that there was something wrong and indeed there was blue smoke coming through the wall.But Labour's Emily Thornberry cautions against dismissing such cases. She tells the tale of a woman who insisted blue smoke was coming through the wall. When a diligent researcher checked it out he found that there was something wrong and indeed there was blue smoke coming through the wall.
The tricky issue of how to get promoted is another favourite area for the advice peddlers. Prime ministers like loyalty and sycophancy, but Lord McNally recalls that the best way to get into one of Harold Wilson's governments was to vote against it. Labour's Paul Flynn says all that's required is a safe pair of hands… and a partial lobotomy.The tricky issue of how to get promoted is another favourite area for the advice peddlers. Prime ministers like loyalty and sycophancy, but Lord McNally recalls that the best way to get into one of Harold Wilson's governments was to vote against it. Labour's Paul Flynn says all that's required is a safe pair of hands… and a partial lobotomy.
So, what are the top tips? Lord Steel advises getting accustomed to the place before you open your mouth. Lord Foulkes says don't do anything wrong and if you do, don't get caught. And finally, in reflective mood, Bernard Jenkin: if you can imagine a happy life not going into politics, don't go into politics.So, what are the top tips? Lord Steel advises getting accustomed to the place before you open your mouth. Lord Foulkes says don't do anything wrong and if you do, don't get caught. And finally, in reflective mood, Bernard Jenkin: if you can imagine a happy life not going into politics, don't go into politics.
Mandy Baker is the producer of Received Wisdom broadcast on Sunday 23rd November at 10.45pm on BBC Radio 4. The second part will be broadcast at the same time on Sunday 30th November. Mandy Baker is the producer of Radio 4's Received Wisdom. Part 1 is broadcast on Sun 23 Nov 2245, repeated Wed 26 Nov 2045. Part 2 is the following week.