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Maybot plods on, each day a greater torment than the last Maybot plods on, each day a greater torment than the last
(32 minutes later)
Many believe that hearing is the last sense to be lost. If true, Theresa May must have been a goner for some time now. She hasn’t heard a word anyone has said to her for months. Her cabinet ministers have all but given up trying to explain to her why her Brexit deal won’t pass through parliament and have instead taken to communicating with her through a series of placards. All of which say: what part of “it’s time for you to resign” don’t you get?Many believe that hearing is the last sense to be lost. If true, Theresa May must have been a goner for some time now. She hasn’t heard a word anyone has said to her for months. Her cabinet ministers have all but given up trying to explain to her why her Brexit deal won’t pass through parliament and have instead taken to communicating with her through a series of placards. All of which say: what part of “it’s time for you to resign” don’t you get?
Not that this is proving any more effective, as the prime minister’s sight is equally as poor as her hearing. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. The Maybot’s vital signs reduced to a random series of ones and noughts, intent only on the basics of minute-by-minute survival. All grasp on reality lost. The living dead.Not that this is proving any more effective, as the prime minister’s sight is equally as poor as her hearing. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. The Maybot’s vital signs reduced to a random series of ones and noughts, intent only on the basics of minute-by-minute survival. All grasp on reality lost. The living dead.
May frequently makes a point of saying how much she loves her job. One can only wonder at how bad a job would need to be for her to hate it. Her pain threshold must be off the scale. Each day a greater torment than the last. Ridicule from enemies, silence from friends. Anyone with even a smidgeon of self-worth would have quit long ago. But still she plods on, one foot in front of the other, absorbing greater and greater damage. The point where resilience tips into stubborn stupidity long since passed.May frequently makes a point of saying how much she loves her job. One can only wonder at how bad a job would need to be for her to hate it. Her pain threshold must be off the scale. Each day a greater torment than the last. Ridicule from enemies, silence from friends. Anyone with even a smidgeon of self-worth would have quit long ago. But still she plods on, one foot in front of the other, absorbing greater and greater damage. The point where resilience tips into stubborn stupidity long since passed.
Forget the withdrawal bill – things could now move very quickly for Theresa May | Henry NewmanForget the withdrawal bill – things could now move very quickly for Theresa May | Henry Newman
There was a time when a prime ministerial statement on Brexit would have guaranteed a full house in the Commons. A moment of national importance. Now it is greeted with widespread indifference. Not only has everyone heard it all before, they also know her withdrawal agreement bill is dead on arrival. The only passing interest is whether it’s her or the bill that ends up in the knacker’s yard first.There was a time when a prime ministerial statement on Brexit would have guaranteed a full house in the Commons. A moment of national importance. Now it is greeted with widespread indifference. Not only has everyone heard it all before, they also know her withdrawal agreement bill is dead on arrival. The only passing interest is whether it’s her or the bill that ends up in the knacker’s yard first.
So there were plenty of empty seats – not to mention some attention-seeking flouncing out from Mark Francois – on both sides of the chamber straight after prime minister’s questions as May prepared to reprise the speech she had tried out on a handful of sceptical hacks and bored accountants the previous day.So there were plenty of empty seats – not to mention some attention-seeking flouncing out from Mark Francois – on both sides of the chamber straight after prime minister’s questions as May prepared to reprise the speech she had tried out on a handful of sceptical hacks and bored accountants the previous day.
Not least on the government frontbench, where Andrea Leadsom, Michael Gove, Penny Mordaunt and Liam Fox had skilfully absented themselves to mastermind The Maybot: Our Part in her Downfall. The few cabinet ministers who were present looked like prisoners lined up for a show trial who had guessed the verdict already. All they cared about was trying not to incriminate themselves too much by leaving their fingerprints on the relevant documents.Not least on the government frontbench, where Andrea Leadsom, Michael Gove, Penny Mordaunt and Liam Fox had skilfully absented themselves to mastermind The Maybot: Our Part in her Downfall. The few cabinet ministers who were present looked like prisoners lined up for a show trial who had guessed the verdict already. All they cared about was trying not to incriminate themselves too much by leaving their fingerprints on the relevant documents.
“This is a deal that MPs can stand behind,” May began. If only in opposition. “It is time to take decisions, not duck them.” This from a prime minister who had mainlined procrastination for the last three years. She carried on with a selection of not so much her Brexit greatest hits as an album of rubbish B-sides that no one had ever liked. She was heard in near silence. Normally, prime ministers are treated with a veneer of faux respect and sympathy when their days are numbered, but May has forfeited even that doubtful honour. Unloved, unwanted and soon to be unmissed.“This is a deal that MPs can stand behind,” May began. If only in opposition. “It is time to take decisions, not duck them.” This from a prime minister who had mainlined procrastination for the last three years. She carried on with a selection of not so much her Brexit greatest hits as an album of rubbish B-sides that no one had ever liked. She was heard in near silence. Normally, prime ministers are treated with a veneer of faux respect and sympathy when their days are numbered, but May has forfeited even that doubtful honour. Unloved, unwanted and soon to be unmissed.
The ennui got to Jeremy Corbyn. You might have expected the Labour leader to rise to the occasion and take advantage of the Tory divisions, but he could do no more than go through the motions. He merely phoned in his reply. What she was offering was just more of the same and he couldn’t be bothered to engage with it as she was bound to be gone in the next few days or so anyway. And when the Tories did have a new leader he’d make a point of not engaging with him or her either. So much for the UK making the most of its article 50 extension.The ennui got to Jeremy Corbyn. You might have expected the Labour leader to rise to the occasion and take advantage of the Tory divisions, but he could do no more than go through the motions. He merely phoned in his reply. What she was offering was just more of the same and he couldn’t be bothered to engage with it as she was bound to be gone in the next few days or so anyway. And when the Tories did have a new leader he’d make a point of not engaging with him or her either. So much for the UK making the most of its article 50 extension.
What followed were some underpowered speeches from Tory backbenchers, nearly all of which were variations on “this is crap, you’re crap, we’re a bit crap” and enlightened no one. A demonstration of existential futility. Politics at its most meta, where everyone has lost the will to say precisely what they mean, so they just fill the time with burbling. No damage was done because there was no more damage that could be done.What followed were some underpowered speeches from Tory backbenchers, nearly all of which were variations on “this is crap, you’re crap, we’re a bit crap” and enlightened no one. A demonstration of existential futility. Politics at its most meta, where everyone has lost the will to say precisely what they mean, so they just fill the time with burbling. No damage was done because there was no more damage that could be done.
The session was predicted to last two and a half hours, but was all wrapped up inside 90 minutes as there was no one still conscious in the chamber. May looked vaguely disappointed. If it had gone on longer, she could have put off all the ministers who were pestering her for a meeting to demand her resignation. Well, sod them all. Sajid, Hunt and Govey could fuck right off. And the 1922 Committee could do one too. The session was predicted to last two and a half hours, but was all wrapped up inside 90 minutes as there was no one still conscious in the chamber. May looked vaguely disappointed. If it had gone on longer, she could have put off all the ministers who were pestering her for a meeting to demand her resignation. Well, sod them all. Sajid, Hunt and Govey could fuck right off. Andrea could walk if she thought she was hard enough. God knows, she’d threatened it often enough in the past. And the 1922 Committee could do one too.
She was going back to barricade herself in Downing Street and hide under the duvet. No one was going to take her alive. Not tonight at any rate. She could be a hero. Just for one more day.She was going back to barricade herself in Downing Street and hide under the duvet. No one was going to take her alive. Not tonight at any rate. She could be a hero. Just for one more day.
Theresa MayTheresa May
The politics sketchThe politics sketch
BrexitBrexit
ConservativesConservatives
Jeremy CorbynJeremy Corbyn
House of CommonsHouse of Commons
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