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| How to Be Brave | How to Be Brave |
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| You’re reading In Her Words, where women rule the headlines. Sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox. Let me know what you think at inherwords@nytimes.com. | |
| By Alisha Haridasani Gupta | |
| “Bravery in our culture right now has become a privilege for men.” | “Bravery in our culture right now has become a privilege for men.” |
| — Reshma Saujani, founder and chief executive of Girls Who Code | — Reshma Saujani, founder and chief executive of Girls Who Code |
| It was a room full of colorful Post-its that put it all into perspective. | It was a room full of colorful Post-its that put it all into perspective. |
| In 2010, Reshma Saujani decided to run against Representative Carolyn Maloney for her seat in the House. It seemed as if Saujani had a good chance at toppling the veteran New York congresswoman: She had raised more money than her opponent, she got John Legend to perform two fund-raising concerts, and she scored several high-profile endorsements. | In 2010, Reshma Saujani decided to run against Representative Carolyn Maloney for her seat in the House. It seemed as if Saujani had a good chance at toppling the veteran New York congresswoman: She had raised more money than her opponent, she got John Legend to perform two fund-raising concerts, and she scored several high-profile endorsements. |
| On Election Day, her staff moved into a hotel room on the Upper East Side of Manhattan to prepare it for a victory celebration. They jotted down messages of support on Post-its and stuck them all over the walls. One read, “Brown girls taking over Washington” and another read, “To all the young people, it’s our time.” | On Election Day, her staff moved into a hotel room on the Upper East Side of Manhattan to prepare it for a victory celebration. They jotted down messages of support on Post-its and stuck them all over the walls. One read, “Brown girls taking over Washington” and another read, “To all the young people, it’s our time.” |
| Then Saujani lost, grabbing just 19 percent of the votes. “I got back to that hotel room and I just cried and cried,” she told me. | Then Saujani lost, grabbing just 19 percent of the votes. “I got back to that hotel room and I just cried and cried,” she told me. |
| But in that rock-bottom moment, she realized failure wasn’t the end of the world. Gasp! Surprise! | But in that rock-bottom moment, she realized failure wasn’t the end of the world. Gasp! Surprise! |
| After a bit more crying, some red wine and another failed race (in 2013, for New York City public advocate), Saujani went on to found her nonprofit, Girls Who Code, which teaches girls around the world to code, and publish a book, “Brave Not Perfect,” about the fear of failure. | After a bit more crying, some red wine and another failed race (in 2013, for New York City public advocate), Saujani went on to found her nonprofit, Girls Who Code, which teaches girls around the world to code, and publish a book, “Brave Not Perfect,” about the fear of failure. |
| So why is failure so scary for so many women? | So why is failure so scary for so many women? |
| It stems from years of cultural and social conditioning, Saujani said, an assertion that has been supported by several studies. “From a very young age, we tell our girls to smile pretty, play it safe, get all A’s,” she said. Boys, meanwhile, are encouraged to play rough, break things, fall hard and get back up. | It stems from years of cultural and social conditioning, Saujani said, an assertion that has been supported by several studies. “From a very young age, we tell our girls to smile pretty, play it safe, get all A’s,” she said. Boys, meanwhile, are encouraged to play rough, break things, fall hard and get back up. |
| “Bravery in our culture right now has become a privilege for men,” Saujani said. And if women are taught to strive for perfection, failure is simply not an option, she said — a mentality that can make women unhappy (read: regretful, envious, anxious) and discourage them from pursuing their goals. | “Bravery in our culture right now has become a privilege for men,” Saujani said. And if women are taught to strive for perfection, failure is simply not an option, she said — a mentality that can make women unhappy (read: regretful, envious, anxious) and discourage them from pursuing their goals. |
| In an effort to dismantle the perfectionist ideal, Saujani has been airing her personal failures and vulnerabilities publicly on Instagram with the hashtag #FailureFriday — like losing her son in public and failing her practice driver’s test. | In an effort to dismantle the perfectionist ideal, Saujani has been airing her personal failures and vulnerabilities publicly on Instagram with the hashtag #FailureFriday — like losing her son in public and failing her practice driver’s test. |
| She also challenges her followers to make bolder choices in their own lives — and share them. As she writes in her book, bravery is a muscle and it requires consistent, daily flexing. | She also challenges her followers to make bolder choices in their own lives — and share them. As she writes in her book, bravery is a muscle and it requires consistent, daily flexing. |
| How to be braver? Here are some of her tips: | How to be braver? Here are some of her tips: |
| Send an email with a typo: “We spend so much time crafting that perfect email with the perfect amount of exclamation marks,” said Saujani, that even the slightest error can push us into a mental spiral. A tiny typo will force you to accept imperfection. | Send an email with a typo: “We spend so much time crafting that perfect email with the perfect amount of exclamation marks,” said Saujani, that even the slightest error can push us into a mental spiral. A tiny typo will force you to accept imperfection. |
| Do something fun that you suck at: Karaoke, baking, pottery, whatever — if it’s fun for you, do it. This will help you dissociate enjoyment from achievement. For example, Saujani took up surfing last summer despite not yet knowing how to swim. | Do something fun that you suck at: Karaoke, baking, pottery, whatever — if it’s fun for you, do it. This will help you dissociate enjoyment from achievement. For example, Saujani took up surfing last summer despite not yet knowing how to swim. |
| Get some rest: “You can’t be brave if you’re tired,” Saujani said. Take care of yourself, whatever that may mean to you. After having her son, Saujani realized that the best time to get to the gym was at 7:30 in the morning — “right when the dog wanted to go out and my baby was waking up,” she said. “I had to find the courage to walk out the door and say, ‘Y’all figure it out.’” | Get some rest: “You can’t be brave if you’re tired,” Saujani said. Take care of yourself, whatever that may mean to you. After having her son, Saujani realized that the best time to get to the gym was at 7:30 in the morning — “right when the dog wanted to go out and my baby was waking up,” she said. “I had to find the courage to walk out the door and say, ‘Y’all figure it out.’” |
| How are you embracing small failures in your own life? Email us at inherwords@nytimes.com and tell us, or share some of your own #FailureFridays with us on Instagram. | How are you embracing small failures in your own life? Email us at inherwords@nytimes.com and tell us, or share some of your own #FailureFridays with us on Instagram. |
| Here are five articles from The Times you might have missed. | Here are five articles from The Times you might have missed. |
| “The shows for women were getting more attention, but the numbers actually weren’t changing.” Over the past decade, only 11 percent of art acquired by the country’s top museums was created by women, according to new data. [Read the story] | “The shows for women were getting more attention, but the numbers actually weren’t changing.” Over the past decade, only 11 percent of art acquired by the country’s top museums was created by women, according to new data. [Read the story] |
| “Not all restrictions on abortion are the same.” Abortion in the U.S. decreased to record low levels in almost every state, a decline that experts suggest may have been driven by increased access to contraception and fewer women becoming pregnant. [Read the story] | “Not all restrictions on abortion are the same.” Abortion in the U.S. decreased to record low levels in almost every state, a decline that experts suggest may have been driven by increased access to contraception and fewer women becoming pregnant. [Read the story] |
| “It is an issue that people get wild-eyed over.” A filmmaker, Miki Dezaki, set out to explore Japan’s wartime sexual enslavement of so-called comfort women from Korea in a new documentary — but ended up in the cross-hairs of the country’s fervent conservatives. [Read the story] | “It is an issue that people get wild-eyed over.” A filmmaker, Miki Dezaki, set out to explore Japan’s wartime sexual enslavement of so-called comfort women from Korea in a new documentary — but ended up in the cross-hairs of the country’s fervent conservatives. [Read the story] |
| “A trailblazer who transformed the role of women in the newsroom.” Cokie Roberts, the longtime journalist and commentator for ABC News and NPR, died on Tuesday at 75. [Read the obituary] | “A trailblazer who transformed the role of women in the newsroom.” Cokie Roberts, the longtime journalist and commentator for ABC News and NPR, died on Tuesday at 75. [Read the obituary] |
| “It was one of those moments you don’t have time to feel.” Gulalai Ismail, a Pakistani women’s rights activist who ended up on the country’s most wanted list, escaped to the United States, where she is seeking asylum. [Read the story] | “It was one of those moments you don’t have time to feel.” Gulalai Ismail, a Pakistani women’s rights activist who ended up on the country’s most wanted list, escaped to the United States, where she is seeking asylum. [Read the story] |
| Sign up here to get future installments of In Her Words delivered to your inbox. | Sign up here to get future installments of In Her Words delivered to your inbox. |
| In 1911, a nameless woman in New York amazed a crowd with her shining bravery: She had jumped a fence to catch a train. | In 1911, a nameless woman in New York amazed a crowd with her shining bravery: She had jumped a fence to catch a train. |
| “A well-dressed, middle-aged woman with her arms full of packages ran down the tracks as the 3:05 train came into the station,” according to a story in The Times. Realizing she was running late, she dropped her bundles and climbed over. | “A well-dressed, middle-aged woman with her arms full of packages ran down the tracks as the 3:05 train came into the station,” according to a story in The Times. Realizing she was running late, she dropped her bundles and climbed over. |
| “Didn’t I do it gracefully?” she asked. | “Didn’t I do it gracefully?” she asked. |
| “Just as well as any man could do it,” replied the doorman at the station. | “Just as well as any man could do it,” replied the doorman at the station. |
| The crowd cheered. The conductor, who “thought such a brave attempt to catch a train should be rewarded,” held the train for her. | The crowd cheered. The conductor, who “thought such a brave attempt to catch a train should be rewarded,” held the train for her. |
| Read past In Her Words here. | Read past In Her Words here. |
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