Late Night Is Tickled by Gordon Sondland’s Impeachment Testimony

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/21/arts/television/late-night-gordon-sondland-impeachment.html

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The impeachment hearing on Wednesday saw Gordon Sondland, Washington’s ambassador to the European Union, describing President Trump’s actions as a quid pro quo involving military aid to Ukraine. As Samantha Bee joked on “Full Frontal,” the ambassador “implicated basically anyone who’s ever set foot in the Trump White House.”

“You know what these hearings could use? A guy who paid a million dollars for his ambassadorship.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“Not only did Sondland leave Trump’s defense in tatters, he also implicated Mick Mulvaney, Mike Pompeo and Mike Pence, and he did it as happily as if he were enjoying his own ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ birthday party.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“If you don’t know, Sondland is a lifelong Republican with no prior political experience who owns a bunch of hotels. Yes. Afterward, Trump said, ‘I hate guys like that.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“In order to catch a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy, you have to send a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy.” — SAMANTHA BEE

“He threw everybody under the bus: Mike Pompeo, Mike Pence, Mick Mulvaney, John Bolton, John Bolton’s mustache — even John Bolton’s mustache’s mustache.” — TREVOR NOAH

“This was like the ‘Wizard of Oz’ of impeachment testimony. [imitating Sondland] ‘You were there and you were there and you were there, too, Mike. You were the scarecrow!’” — SETH MEYERS

“[imitating Sondland] I’d also like to incriminate my agent — baby doll, I love you! Marcie from wardrobe, everybody at the RNC, Mick Mulvaney — we couldn’t have suppressed Ukraine without you! Oh God, they’re playing me off. I want to thank the whistle-blower, everybody at HBO. Crime is crime is crime is crime. This is for you, mom. We did it! Good night!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“So many guys went under the bus today, there wasn’t even room for all of them under there. They had to go under in shifts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I mean, it was incredible. If he were a ‘Real Housewife,’ he would have finished by throwing a glass of rose in someone’s face, and just walking off.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Even the White House janitor was like, ‘Am I gonna go to jail?’” — SETH MEYERS

“I’ll tell you something: I don’t think Gordon Sondland’s getting his million dollars back.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“In the meantime, as if that all wasn’t enough political theater, there was a Democratic debate tonight. This is the first debate ever to begin with a round of tequila shots.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Why are they even having a debate today? The White House is imploding — just take a knee and run out the clock.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Going into it, Biden was in first and Warren was in second, but after what happened today, the new Democratic favorite is Gordon Sondland.” — JIMMY FALLON

“So now between Buttigieg, Biden, Warren, and Bernie, this has become a four-way race. And if you include Cory Booker, it is still a four-way race.” — TREVOR NOAH

“And I’m not going to lie, I’m not gonna lie: A lot of tonight’s debate sounded exactly like what we heard in the previous four. You know, Medicare for all, versus a public option; pragmatism versus revolution; Joe Biden versus his own mouth.” — TREVOR NOAH

“You know somewhere out there Donald Trump is going, [imitating Trump] ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I risked impeachment over Joe. Someone please tell me there’s a Hunter Buttigieg.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

On Wednesday night’s “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee invited Tarana Burke, the founder of the #MeToo movement, to offer thoughts on the hashtag’s second anniversary before hosting a dinner to thank some of the movement’s pivotal figures.

The newly minted Grammy nominee Billie Eilish will perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”

Eilish is joined by Lizzo, Lil Nas X and Ariana Grande on this year’s list of potential first-time Grammy winners, while Taylor Swift was snubbed in a few top categories.