Bozzie is in hiding from Andrew Neil, but I’m desperate to tell him about Dilyn’s new trick
Version 0 of 1. In which our heroine watches the noses of Stanley and Dom grow longer and longer Super time since Stanley was banished! Now it’s just us: me, Dilyn, Dom, between episodes, and darling Bozzie, though what with my campaigning and his commitments we hardly meet! Last night I woke up aching to discuss marine conservation matters to find this note on his pillow: SORRY OTTIE WARGAMING NEIL IN UNDERGROUND BUNKER, BACK C3 DAYS, YR B. I said but Dom, this is your handwriting, where is Bozzie, really? Dom (looming out of the darkness): “What if I said, hiding from Andrew Neil?” Me: “Liar, my Bozzie is brave and strong!” Tried Bozzie later, whoever answered sounded weirdly Chinese. Called Stanley, he said the great unwashed often sound foreign, especially up north. Me: “But Stanley I need your help, where is Bozzie, I have something so special to tell him.” Stanley: “Oh gawd, or lor, already, not THAT dear girl, please – do not think me unsympathetic to the stirrings kindled by a mature alpha Johnson, dear me no – but I believe my son the PM is not, shall we say, undeserving of the discreeter sort of outcome.” Me: “Stanley! I just want Bozzie to be the first to hear that Dilyn has learned to do his business on Lib Dem doorsteps, so cute!” Stanley: “And Labour ones? That is what my son the PM – not that I am familiar with his location – will want to know.” Me: “Actually – ” Stanley: “Well, if you would get a rescue dog, no don’t cry, now this will make you laugh, did I ever tell you about our Dartmoor neighbours – accidentally reared a Labour dog – but it’s a long story, why don’t I tootle over?” Me (screaming): “Stanley, wait – I do have something to tell you.” Silence. Me: “I can’t spell Pinokkio.” Result. As told to Catherine Bennett |