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| He died on what would have been his wedding day. A month later, loved ones gathered to remember. | He died on what would have been his wedding day. A month later, loved ones gathered to remember. |
| (about 4 hours later) | |
| It was Christmas Eve, and the streets were empty. In the basement of a downtown Washington office building, David May, 32, opened a bottle of Maker’s Mark. He poured himself a glass. | It was Christmas Eve, and the streets were empty. In the basement of a downtown Washington office building, David May, 32, opened a bottle of Maker’s Mark. He poured himself a glass. |
| Here, he thought, was everyone Ron Meyers had loved. | Here, he thought, was everyone Ron Meyers had loved. |
| Seated around the long, white table were some of his oldest friends from the Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School in Rockville. Off to the right were Meyers’s parents and other relatives. Standing by the corner was Alissa Neuhausen, his girlfriend of four years, wife of three days and, for the past month, his widow. | Seated around the long, white table were some of his oldest friends from the Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School in Rockville. Off to the right were Meyers’s parents and other relatives. Standing by the corner was Alissa Neuhausen, his girlfriend of four years, wife of three days and, for the past month, his widow. |
| These were the people Meyers called when, at the age of 32, he learned that he had glioblastoma, an aggressive type of brain cancer that has a median survival rate of about 15 months. They were the ones who cheered him on and researched treatment methods while watching the disease eat away at his body, stealing his ability to walk, speak and remember. They were there in October when he proposed to Neuhausen, 31. And they were there at the couple’s impromptu wedding, held in his hospital room three days before the planned date because Meyers’s condition had declined rapidly. | These were the people Meyers called when, at the age of 32, he learned that he had glioblastoma, an aggressive type of brain cancer that has a median survival rate of about 15 months. They were the ones who cheered him on and researched treatment methods while watching the disease eat away at his body, stealing his ability to walk, speak and remember. They were there in October when he proposed to Neuhausen, 31. And they were there at the couple’s impromptu wedding, held in his hospital room three days before the planned date because Meyers’s condition had declined rapidly. |
| Meyers died on Nov. 24 — what was supposed to be his wedding day. One last time, his family, Neuhausen, May and a dozen other friends were by his side. | Meyers died on Nov. 24 — what was supposed to be his wedding day. One last time, his family, Neuhausen, May and a dozen other friends were by his side. |
| Now, in a glass-walled conference room, everyone gathered again for Shloshim, the traditional Jewish ritual marking the end of 30 days of mourning. | Now, in a glass-walled conference room, everyone gathered again for Shloshim, the traditional Jewish ritual marking the end of 30 days of mourning. |
| Most of the younger attendees had spent the past month learning pieces of the Mishnah, a collection of Jewish oral traditions, in memory of Meyers. On this night, they took turns reciting their segments in Hebrew, pausing occasionally to catch their breath or look up at one another. | Most of the younger attendees had spent the past month learning pieces of the Mishnah, a collection of Jewish oral traditions, in memory of Meyers. On this night, they took turns reciting their segments in Hebrew, pausing occasionally to catch their breath or look up at one another. |
| After the last speaker finished, the atmosphere lifted. May unstacked the glasses and began pouring. | After the last speaker finished, the atmosphere lifted. May unstacked the glasses and began pouring. |
| Ron Michael Meyers was born on a balmy day in 1986 to Julia and Martin Meyers of Fairfax, Va. Even as a kid, his mother said, he had a knack for bringing people together. When friends from Charles E. Smith dispersed for college, he made an effort to keep in touch, marking down birthdays and planning reunions. He became, May said, the person that friends called to find out about other friends. | Ron Michael Meyers was born on a balmy day in 1986 to Julia and Martin Meyers of Fairfax, Va. Even as a kid, his mother said, he had a knack for bringing people together. When friends from Charles E. Smith dispersed for college, he made an effort to keep in touch, marking down birthdays and planning reunions. He became, May said, the person that friends called to find out about other friends. |
| After graduating from Drexel University in Philadelphia, Meyers worked as an accountant in the District, where he solidified his role as organizer-in-chief. He hosted bowling nights, barbecues and an annual, epic Festivus — a secular alternative to Christmas inspired by the television show “Seinfeld.” He played best man to grooms across the country, including May. | After graduating from Drexel University in Philadelphia, Meyers worked as an accountant in the District, where he solidified his role as organizer-in-chief. He hosted bowling nights, barbecues and an annual, epic Festivus — a secular alternative to Christmas inspired by the television show “Seinfeld.” He played best man to grooms across the country, including May. |
| “Ron was a guy who cared about his friends,” said Neuhausen. | “Ron was a guy who cared about his friends,” said Neuhausen. |
| After work, he often called friends to talk about football, business ideas or what they had for lunch, she remembered, laughing. To catch up with May on the weekends, he sometimes accompanied him and his 2-year-old son to the nearby Gymboree. | After work, he often called friends to talk about football, business ideas or what they had for lunch, she remembered, laughing. To catch up with May on the weekends, he sometimes accompanied him and his 2-year-old son to the nearby Gymboree. |
| It was puzzling to her, Neuhausen said. But it also made her love him. | It was puzzling to her, Neuhausen said. But it also made her love him. |
| Neuhausen, an engineer, met Meyers in 2015 via the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel. After two years as a couple, they moved into an apartment in Northwest Washington, where they built a life together with a rotating litter of foster cats. | Neuhausen, an engineer, met Meyers in 2015 via the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel. After two years as a couple, they moved into an apartment in Northwest Washington, where they built a life together with a rotating litter of foster cats. |
| He loved to eat, so they spent weekends visiting restaurants in the city. She loved to travel, so they made trips to Europe and South America. He cooked. She drove. | He loved to eat, so they spent weekends visiting restaurants in the city. She loved to travel, so they made trips to Europe and South America. He cooked. She drove. |
| They talked on and off about getting married, though the ritual was always more important to him than to her, Neuhausen said. He wanted to formalize their relationship — “to share his love,” he told her — in front of friends and family. They agreed that it was somewhere in the cards. Then the sickness came. | They talked on and off about getting married, though the ritual was always more important to him than to her, Neuhausen said. He wanted to formalize their relationship — “to share his love,” he told her — in front of friends and family. They agreed that it was somewhere in the cards. Then the sickness came. |
| Diffuse midline glioma — an exceptionally invasive type of tumor found in the brainstem. At least that’s what doctors suspected when he was diagnosed in October 2018; the location of Meyers’s tumor made a biopsy impossible. In fact, until several months before his death, his prognosis remained hazy. | Diffuse midline glioma — an exceptionally invasive type of tumor found in the brainstem. At least that’s what doctors suspected when he was diagnosed in October 2018; the location of Meyers’s tumor made a biopsy impossible. In fact, until several months before his death, his prognosis remained hazy. |
| In healthier months, Meyers did as much as he could. A die-hard Washington Nationals fan, he went to the third World Series Game in a wheelchair with his sister. He advocated for the National Brain Tumor Society, corralling dozens of friends and relatives to participate in the organization’s annual Race for Hope. On weekends, he invited May to play video games, though most times, he fell asleep midway. | |
| “He was so sick and so tired,” May remembered. “I’d look over and he’d be passed out with the controller in his hand.” | “He was so sick and so tired,” May remembered. “I’d look over and he’d be passed out with the controller in his hand.” |
| For Neuhausen, the hardest point was when Meyers lost the ability to eat. | For Neuhausen, the hardest point was when Meyers lost the ability to eat. |
| “It felt like this disease was slowly taking away everything he loved,” she said in an empty hotel lobby before the Shloshim ceremony. | “It felt like this disease was slowly taking away everything he loved,” she said in an empty hotel lobby before the Shloshim ceremony. |
| “And . . .” She stopped her voice from wavering. “And there was nothing I could do about it.” | “And . . .” She stopped her voice from wavering. “And there was nothing I could do about it.” |
| Late in October, after doctors told Meyers that the cancer had spread to his spine, he texted May and another friend, Gabi Band, to come to his parents’ house in Rockville. He was going to propose to Neuhausen, he wrote, and he wanted them to be there. | |
| The two friends, his parents and his sister were around the dining table when Meyers took out a ring. He was too weak to get down on one knee, May said, and his hands were shaking as he reached for Neuhausen. But when she said yes, the two friends belted out “Od Yishama,” a traditional Hebrew wedding song, and the couple laughed. | |
| “There’s this saying, right? ‘In sickness and in health.’ Well, we had already done the ‘in sickness’ part. We had already done the hard part,” Neuhausen recalled. | “There’s this saying, right? ‘In sickness and in health.’ Well, we had already done the ‘in sickness’ part. We had already done the hard part,” Neuhausen recalled. |
| “I was happy — really happy he asked.” | “I was happy — really happy he asked.” |
| Over the next few weeks, Meyers made dozens of invitations, searching for a venue large enough to accommodate everyone. May said that he knew his best friend had always wanted a large wedding, but there was something else going on, too. Meyers, it seemed, was planning his own goodbye party. | Over the next few weeks, Meyers made dozens of invitations, searching for a venue large enough to accommodate everyone. May said that he knew his best friend had always wanted a large wedding, but there was something else going on, too. Meyers, it seemed, was planning his own goodbye party. |
| Menus were set, playlists compiled and plane tickets booked. But on Nov. 20, Meyers’s condition declined rapidly. Early the next morning, his mother, Julia Meyers, called Rabbi Marc Israel of Tikvat Israel Congregation, the synagogue the family attends in Rockville. Everyone was at Shady Grove Medical Center, she said. The wedding needed to happen that day. | Menus were set, playlists compiled and plane tickets booked. But on Nov. 20, Meyers’s condition declined rapidly. Early the next morning, his mother, Julia Meyers, called Rabbi Marc Israel of Tikvat Israel Congregation, the synagogue the family attends in Rockville. Everyone was at Shady Grove Medical Center, she said. The wedding needed to happen that day. |
| Hours later, Meyers lay in bed, Israel to his right and Neuhausen to his left. Around them were his relatives, several friends and a half-dozen nurses with balloons and cake. | Hours later, Meyers lay in bed, Israel to his right and Neuhausen to his left. Around them were his relatives, several friends and a half-dozen nurses with balloons and cake. |
| Underneath a hospital sheet-turned-marriage-canopy, Israel showed Meyers the ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract. Breathing through an oxygen mask, Meyers lifted his eyes and nodded. Neuhausen looked at the ketubah, caressed the back of Meyers’s neck and leaned over. His eyes flitted open to look at his bride. He nodded again. | Underneath a hospital sheet-turned-marriage-canopy, Israel showed Meyers the ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract. Breathing through an oxygen mask, Meyers lifted his eyes and nodded. Neuhausen looked at the ketubah, caressed the back of Meyers’s neck and leaned over. His eyes flitted open to look at his bride. He nodded again. |
| Meyers was moved into a hospice room hours later. Over the next three days, 150 or so people — wedding guests — streamed in and out to say goodbye. | Meyers was moved into a hospice room hours later. Over the next three days, 150 or so people — wedding guests — streamed in and out to say goodbye. |
| He died about 6:30 p.m. on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. | He died about 6:30 p.m. on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. |
| For the 18 people in the room, though, the dying had happened over the course of a year, May said. In long email chains and over drinks, they had prepared for this moment together. | For the 18 people in the room, though, the dying had happened over the course of a year, May said. In long email chains and over drinks, they had prepared for this moment together. |
| After the funeral came seven days of shiva, the Jewish week of mourning, during which friends and relatives made visits to the Meyers family, who observed the custom of staying at home. And a month later, on a quiet winter night, everyone gathered again. | After the funeral came seven days of shiva, the Jewish week of mourning, during which friends and relatives made visits to the Meyers family, who observed the custom of staying at home. And a month later, on a quiet winter night, everyone gathered again. |
| When Neuhausen arrived, one of Meyers’s friends handed her a plate of Chinese food — an unofficial tradition for Jewish families on Christmas — and another walked over to stand by her. Julia and Martin Meyers sat quietly at the front of the room, nodding as the young men in yarmulkes — their son’s friends — recited parts of the Mishnah. | When Neuhausen arrived, one of Meyers’s friends handed her a plate of Chinese food — an unofficial tradition for Jewish families on Christmas — and another walked over to stand by her. Julia and Martin Meyers sat quietly at the front of the room, nodding as the young men in yarmulkes — their son’s friends — recited parts of the Mishnah. |
| As the night wound down, May raised his glass. | As the night wound down, May raised his glass. |
| “I’d like to propose a l’chaim,” he said, using the word that means “to life” in Hebrew. “In memory of Ron.” | “I’d like to propose a l’chaim,” he said, using the word that means “to life” in Hebrew. “In memory of Ron.” |
| Everyone stood. | Everyone stood. |
| “L’chaim.” | “L’chaim.” |
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