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| On ‘Love Is Blind,’ Love Is Earnest | On ‘Love Is Blind,’ Love Is Earnest |
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| This article includes mild spoilers. | This article includes mild spoilers. |
| There’s a show on TV — you may have heard of it — in which a bunch of strangers go on a series of speed dates with someone of the opposite sex in sleekly designed “pods” separated by a wall. They are unable to see one another, but they can speak and flirt and reveal their deepest desires if they so choose. This “experiment,” the show purports, will allow contestants to find The One unencumbered by such superficial concerns as icy blue eyes, nice lips or a chiseled jawline. Yes, this is all supposed to end in marriage. | There’s a show on TV — you may have heard of it — in which a bunch of strangers go on a series of speed dates with someone of the opposite sex in sleekly designed “pods” separated by a wall. They are unable to see one another, but they can speak and flirt and reveal their deepest desires if they so choose. This “experiment,” the show purports, will allow contestants to find The One unencumbered by such superficial concerns as icy blue eyes, nice lips or a chiseled jawline. Yes, this is all supposed to end in marriage. |
| “Love Is Blind” premiered on Netflix last month. Many, many people have watched it — it has appeared frequently in the No. 1 spot on Netflix’s new list of its top 10 programs in the United States, which is updated on its home page daily. I’m not proud of this: I’ve joined them, watching all 10 episodes. Drawn in by the overwhelming volume of internet chatter, it seemed like an opportunity for me to have a good, hearty laugh at others’ absurd life choices. | “Love Is Blind” premiered on Netflix last month. Many, many people have watched it — it has appeared frequently in the No. 1 spot on Netflix’s new list of its top 10 programs in the United States, which is updated on its home page daily. I’m not proud of this: I’ve joined them, watching all 10 episodes. Drawn in by the overwhelming volume of internet chatter, it seemed like an opportunity for me to have a good, hearty laugh at others’ absurd life choices. |
| I absolutely did LOL, a lot. But something else happened: Dare I say it, by the end of Episode 3, I believed. | I absolutely did LOL, a lot. But something else happened: Dare I say it, by the end of Episode 3, I believed. |
| It’s generally understood that a show like this is not how meaningful, lasting relationships are made. Almost 20 years into the reign of “The Bachelor,” its many spinoffs and descendants, the people who appear on such shows may profess to be searching for the love of their lives, but it’s much more likely they are in search of the career boost of their lives. Sure, the contestants on dating shows like MTV’s “Are You the One?” or the global franchise “Love Island” are trying to find their perfect match, but they’re also motivated by the shot at winning a nice cash prize at the end of their manufactured journey. | It’s generally understood that a show like this is not how meaningful, lasting relationships are made. Almost 20 years into the reign of “The Bachelor,” its many spinoffs and descendants, the people who appear on such shows may profess to be searching for the love of their lives, but it’s much more likely they are in search of the career boost of their lives. Sure, the contestants on dating shows like MTV’s “Are You the One?” or the global franchise “Love Island” are trying to find their perfect match, but they’re also motivated by the shot at winning a nice cash prize at the end of their manufactured journey. |
| And yet who could think such things of Lauren, a 32-year-old content manager and the most endearing character on “Love Is Blind” , whom we got to watch wrestle openly and sincerely with her fears about participating in this most absurd of premises while optimistically forging ahead in her whirlwind relationship with Cameron, a firefighter turned scientist? | |
| “Five days in, and I know who I want to be my future husband,” she says in the first episode. “I can’t believe it. It’s only been five days! Oh my god, I’ve had meals in my refrigerator for longer than that. Like, that’s crazy!” I can’t believe it, either. It is crazy. And totally irrational. But also: Aww. | “Five days in, and I know who I want to be my future husband,” she says in the first episode. “I can’t believe it. It’s only been five days! Oh my god, I’ve had meals in my refrigerator for longer than that. Like, that’s crazy!” I can’t believe it, either. It is crazy. And totally irrational. But also: Aww. |
| What sets “Love Is Blind” apart from its counterparts, and has made it so enchanting to viewers, is that odd tension between the accelerated, illogical expectations placed upon the couples — they are expected to find True Love or get booted from the show in, um, 10 days — and their seeming capacity to genuinely believe in the process. | What sets “Love Is Blind” apart from its counterparts, and has made it so enchanting to viewers, is that odd tension between the accelerated, illogical expectations placed upon the couples — they are expected to find True Love or get booted from the show in, um, 10 days — and their seeming capacity to genuinely believe in the process. |
| They speak, without any hint of irony, of this elaborately conceived setup as an idealized version of the dating scene, a positive alternative to the comparably shallow act of swiping right or left. “I’ve had a rigid set of standards,” admits Jessica, a regional manager. “I would only date a guy between one to five years older. I would only date athletes because I’m really athletic. But I’m 34 years old, and I may not find someone based on the criteria that I’ve put in place for myself.” | They speak, without any hint of irony, of this elaborately conceived setup as an idealized version of the dating scene, a positive alternative to the comparably shallow act of swiping right or left. “I’ve had a rigid set of standards,” admits Jessica, a regional manager. “I would only date a guy between one to five years older. I would only date athletes because I’m really athletic. But I’m 34 years old, and I may not find someone based on the criteria that I’ve put in place for myself.” |
| “I’m a believer in this experiment,” says Cameron, 27. “It’s removing the confounding variables of ethnicity, race, background and the big one being physical appearance. None of that matters.” | “I’m a believer in this experiment,” says Cameron, 27. “It’s removing the confounding variables of ethnicity, race, background and the big one being physical appearance. None of that matters.” |
| Oh, but of course it does. And when it does is when “Love Is Blind” most resembles its TV forebears in its juicy dramatizations. Jessica, who becomes engaged to Mark, a fitness instructor 10 years her junior, quite obviously pines for Barnett, an engineer who turned her down during the speed-dating phase to propose to Amber, a former tank mechanic. During one of multiple drunken moments — alcohol flows very freely for this experiment — an angry Jessica tells Mark, using an expletive, that she thinks Barnett is “sexy and, like, hot.” | Oh, but of course it does. And when it does is when “Love Is Blind” most resembles its TV forebears in its juicy dramatizations. Jessica, who becomes engaged to Mark, a fitness instructor 10 years her junior, quite obviously pines for Barnett, an engineer who turned her down during the speed-dating phase to propose to Amber, a former tank mechanic. During one of multiple drunken moments — alcohol flows very freely for this experiment — an angry Jessica tells Mark, using an expletive, that she thinks Barnett is “sexy and, like, hot.” |
| As the season tears through its 10 episodes, most of the pairs ebb and implode exactly as one would expect. While five couples eventually make it to the altar, the kicker is that none of them have revealed whether they will actually say “I do” in front of their friends and families in a room resembling a less tacky version of a Las Vegas wedding chapel. | As the season tears through its 10 episodes, most of the pairs ebb and implode exactly as one would expect. While five couples eventually make it to the altar, the kicker is that none of them have revealed whether they will actually say “I do” in front of their friends and families in a room resembling a less tacky version of a Las Vegas wedding chapel. |
| “Now is the time to decide if love is blind,” a justice of the peace says to one of the couples. | “Now is the time to decide if love is blind,” a justice of the peace says to one of the couples. |
| And yet somehow, amid all of this routine reality show pomp and circumstance, the cast’s emotions feel, for the most part, well — real. And raw. Amber’s extremely giddy, barely audible proclamation during their awkwardly staged bachelorette party about “marrying my best friend” is what memes are made of, but also, it’s kind of endearing. Mark’s failed quest to have Jessica reciprocate his adoration for her is pitiful to watch but seems totally sincere. | And yet somehow, amid all of this routine reality show pomp and circumstance, the cast’s emotions feel, for the most part, well — real. And raw. Amber’s extremely giddy, barely audible proclamation during their awkwardly staged bachelorette party about “marrying my best friend” is what memes are made of, but also, it’s kind of endearing. Mark’s failed quest to have Jessica reciprocate his adoration for her is pitiful to watch but seems totally sincere. |
| In the first episode, we meet Lauren, the only black person to make it to the end of the season, where she tells us she wants someone who will love her regardless of what she looks like, someone who will love her “saggy boobs” when she’s 95 years old. | In the first episode, we meet Lauren, the only black person to make it to the end of the season, where she tells us she wants someone who will love her regardless of what she looks like, someone who will love her “saggy boobs” when she’s 95 years old. |
| “That was real extra,” she says, laughing at her own description of her anatomy’s future. “But that’s really how I feel!” | “That was real extra,” she says, laughing at her own description of her anatomy’s future. “But that’s really how I feel!” |
| (Lauren also happens to be a far cry from the various black women tropes that tend to pepper reality TV — think Omarosa-style “villains” and the many “undesirables” who never make it past the first rounds on dating shows.) | (Lauren also happens to be a far cry from the various black women tropes that tend to pepper reality TV — think Omarosa-style “villains” and the many “undesirables” who never make it past the first rounds on dating shows.) |
| As she and Cameron progress, she bounces between gushing about their chemistry and compatibility and questioning how they might work in the real world. She has never dated a white man before — could Cameron deal with the comments they will get from strangers and possibly even friends and family? Would he understand her commitment to black social justice causes? (For his part, Cameron had been in a long-term relationship with a black woman before Lauren.) | As she and Cameron progress, she bounces between gushing about their chemistry and compatibility and questioning how they might work in the real world. She has never dated a white man before — could Cameron deal with the comments they will get from strangers and possibly even friends and family? Would he understand her commitment to black social justice causes? (For his part, Cameron had been in a long-term relationship with a black woman before Lauren.) |
| The reunion special, released on YouTube on Thursday, confirmed how seriously most of the couples had taken their experiences. Lauren and Cameron, who remain married — the show was filmed in 2018 — fought back tears of joy as they talked about sharing their first Thanksgiving together with their families. Amber and Barnett, the only other couple to get married on the show, admitted that since filming ended, they had contemplated divorce. (They’re still together for now.) Giannina and Damian, who had a volatile relationship and broke up at the altar, were revealed to be back together and trying to make it work. | The reunion special, released on YouTube on Thursday, confirmed how seriously most of the couples had taken their experiences. Lauren and Cameron, who remain married — the show was filmed in 2018 — fought back tears of joy as they talked about sharing their first Thanksgiving together with their families. Amber and Barnett, the only other couple to get married on the show, admitted that since filming ended, they had contemplated divorce. (They’re still together for now.) Giannina and Damian, who had a volatile relationship and broke up at the altar, were revealed to be back together and trying to make it work. |
| Even those who had been less successful professed that the experiment had made them re-evaluate their lives and lead to personal growth. It was all oddly heartwarming. | Even those who had been less successful professed that the experiment had made them re-evaluate their lives and lead to personal growth. It was all oddly heartwarming. |
| “Love Is Blind” is a ludicrous cultural nugget that has served as a welcome distraction from current political and environmental anxieties. Watching the series is like playing a surreal version of “The Game of Life”: The most basic universal stages of adulthood — or in this case, courtship — are condensed into a convenient quickie narrative for viewers’ consumption. (There were reportedly two other couples on the show who got engaged but were cut because the crew wasn’t prepared to juggle eight story lines.) | “Love Is Blind” is a ludicrous cultural nugget that has served as a welcome distraction from current political and environmental anxieties. Watching the series is like playing a surreal version of “The Game of Life”: The most basic universal stages of adulthood — or in this case, courtship — are condensed into a convenient quickie narrative for viewers’ consumption. (There were reportedly two other couples on the show who got engaged but were cut because the crew wasn’t prepared to juggle eight story lines.) |
| It’s a show at odds with itself; the central question is flawed and the warp-speed execution is cynical. And yet somehow the cast, even in their lowest moments, seemed pure. To paraphrase Billie Holiday: Crazy we call them, and sure, they’re crazy — crazy enough to put everything out there for some version of true “love.” | It’s a show at odds with itself; the central question is flawed and the warp-speed execution is cynical. And yet somehow the cast, even in their lowest moments, seemed pure. To paraphrase Billie Holiday: Crazy we call them, and sure, they’re crazy — crazy enough to put everything out there for some version of true “love.” |
| Aisha Harris (@craftingmystyle) is a staff editor and writer in the Opinion section, where she covers culture and society. | Aisha Harris (@craftingmystyle) is a staff editor and writer in the Opinion section, where she covers culture and society. |
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