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We Wrote You a Hand-Washing Song: Listen Up We Wrote You a Hand-Washing Song: Listen Up
(32 minutes later)
Thanks to coronavirus, the time has come for a new song to help us properly wash our hands.Thanks to coronavirus, the time has come for a new song to help us properly wash our hands.
By Marc ShaimanBy Marc Shaiman
If you didn’t hate the Happy Birthday song already, you probably do now — it’s the song that we’ve all been told to sing twice as we wash our hands, to make sure we’ve done it long enough to be effective. Last week, it occurred to Susan Dominus, a reporter at The New York Times, that there should be an alternative, to spare the Happy Birthday song from so many unpleasant associations. This is when she called my co-lyricist, Scott Wittman, and me with a proposal: Maybe we could come up with an alternative? The new song would have to be fun — and, of course, last 20 seconds.If you didn’t hate the Happy Birthday song already, you probably do now — it’s the song that we’ve all been told to sing twice as we wash our hands, to make sure we’ve done it long enough to be effective. Last week, it occurred to Susan Dominus, a reporter at The New York Times, that there should be an alternative, to spare the Happy Birthday song from so many unpleasant associations. This is when she called my co-lyricist, Scott Wittman, and me with a proposal: Maybe we could come up with an alternative? The new song would have to be fun — and, of course, last 20 seconds.
Being self-isolated makes one happy to have a project — plus, it would feel good to write something that might put a happy spin on this situation we are in, even if for just a few momentsBeing self-isolated makes one happy to have a project — plus, it would feel good to write something that might put a happy spin on this situation we are in, even if for just a few moments
For the occasion, Scott and I — we wrote the songs for “Hairspray” and “Mary Poppins Returns,” among others — created “Twenty Seconds,” which will hopefully turn you and your children into mini Danny Kayes. (Google Danny Kaye right now, I’ll wait…).For the occasion, Scott and I — we wrote the songs for “Hairspray” and “Mary Poppins Returns,” among others — created “Twenty Seconds,” which will hopefully turn you and your children into mini Danny Kayes. (Google Danny Kaye right now, I’ll wait…).
We sent the song to some Broadway friends to help perform our new hand washing anthem. And they have channeled their energy into these homemade videos.We sent the song to some Broadway friends to help perform our new hand washing anthem. And they have channeled their energy into these homemade videos.
The first is Jake Ryan Flynn from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and “Mrs. Doubtfire:”The first is Jake Ryan Flynn from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and “Mrs. Doubtfire:”
Then, we have Samantha Williams, formerly from “Dear Evan Hansen,” and the forthcoming revival of “Caroline, or Change:”Then, we have Samantha Williams, formerly from “Dear Evan Hansen,” and the forthcoming revival of “Caroline, or Change:”
For some extra fun, here is yours truly:For some extra fun, here is yours truly:
But why stop at just one song? We created not one, but two songs. The second one, with a huge tip of the hat to Barbra Streisand and her lyricist Lan O’Kun, is called “Half a Minute Waltz.” Try wrapping your tongue around these new hand-washing lyrics set to Chopin’s greatest hit. We are happy to have Broadway’s Bryce Pinkham (best known for his Tony-nominated performance in “A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder”), to show you how it’s done. Wait till you see his over-the-shoulder paper towel toss!But why stop at just one song? We created not one, but two songs. The second one, with a huge tip of the hat to Barbra Streisand and her lyricist Lan O’Kun, is called “Half a Minute Waltz.” Try wrapping your tongue around these new hand-washing lyrics set to Chopin’s greatest hit. We are happy to have Broadway’s Bryce Pinkham (best known for his Tony-nominated performance in “A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder”), to show you how it’s done. Wait till you see his over-the-shoulder paper towel toss!
So now, dear reader, since so many of you may have some time on your hands — which hand-washing challenge can you meet?So now, dear reader, since so many of you may have some time on your hands — which hand-washing challenge can you meet?
We’ve provided the lyrics for “Twenty Seconds” and the “Half a Minute Waltz” below. And although a cappella is one way to go, we also offer piano tracks and sheet music in varying keys for all, so whether you’re a soprano, alto, tenor or baritone, you’ve no excuse!We’ve provided the lyrics for “Twenty Seconds” and the “Half a Minute Waltz” below. And although a cappella is one way to go, we also offer piano tracks and sheet music in varying keys for all, so whether you’re a soprano, alto, tenor or baritone, you’ve no excuse!
Please make your own videos and post on Instagram at #20secondhandwash — extra points for perfect hand-washing form! At the very least, your hands will be clean.Please make your own videos and post on Instagram at #20secondhandwash — extra points for perfect hand-washing form! At the very least, your hands will be clean.
Spread the word (not the germs)! As for Happy Birthday — let’s save it for happier occasions. Spread the word (not the germs)! As for Happy Birthday — let’s save it for happier occasions
Twenty seconds isn’t long,Twenty seconds isn’t long,
Barely time to sing this song.Barely time to sing this song.
There’s no time to get it wrong,There’s no time to get it wrong,
Not in twenty seconds!Not in twenty seconds!
All that’s left is fourteen secs,All that’s left is fourteen secs,
To try to do what I must next.To try to do what I must next.
I can’t talk, please send a text!I can’t talk, please send a text!
I’ve only fourteen seconds.I’ve only fourteen seconds.
Twenty seconds, now is five,Twenty seconds, now is five,
So kick it into overdrive!So kick it into overdrive!
Ain’t it great to say that I’ve,Ain’t it great to say that I’ve,
Washed my hands for twenty seconds!Washed my hands for twenty seconds!
Turn the water on and start your hands a rubbin’Turn the water on and start your hands a rubbin’
Now it’s time to soap ‘em up and start to scrubbin’Now it’s time to soap ‘em up and start to scrubbin’
You must work it up into a later,You must work it up into a later,
Even though I know that you would rather,Even though I know that you would rather,
Be outside where there is dirt for you to play,Be outside where there is dirt for you to play,
But now’s the time for your to send the dirt away.But now’s the time for your to send the dirt away.
So both your hands should wash away your troubles.So both your hands should wash away your troubles.
Let your fingers dance among the bubbles.Let your fingers dance among the bubbles.
Keep a steady pace and please try not to fidget,Keep a steady pace and please try not to fidget,
Clean your thumbs and don’t forget to scrub each digit.Clean your thumbs and don’t forget to scrub each digit.
Now it’s time to concentrate upon your nails,Now it’s time to concentrate upon your nails,
For that is where the dirt can leave it’s secret trails.For that is where the dirt can leave it’s secret trails.
Now it’s finally time for turning off the faucet.Now it’s finally time for turning off the faucet.
Use a paper towel, then in the trash you’ll toss it.Use a paper towel, then in the trash you’ll toss it.
To stay healthy this is what the world commands.To stay healthy this is what the world commands.
Bravo to you! You washed your hands!Bravo to you! You washed your hands!
Illustration by Super FreakIllustration by Super Freak