This article is from the source 'nytimes' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/20/well/family/parenting-by-facetime-in-coronavirus-quarantine.html
The article has changed 27 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
| Version 4 | Version 5 |
|---|---|
| Parenting by FaceTime in Coronavirus Quarantine | Parenting by FaceTime in Coronavirus Quarantine |
| (about 11 hours later) | |
| The saccharine melodies of Kidz Bop play on repeat, alternating with the “Frozen II” soundtrack. My two children, who are 7 and 4, run around our Manhattan apartment, showing the typical strains of stir-craziness from endless hours at home: “He hit me!” “That’s mine!” “Why do I have to take a bath?” | The saccharine melodies of Kidz Bop play on repeat, alternating with the “Frozen II” soundtrack. My two children, who are 7 and 4, run around our Manhattan apartment, showing the typical strains of stir-craziness from endless hours at home: “He hit me!” “That’s mine!” “Why do I have to take a bath?” |
| They do online art lessons and they have Silly Time at noon followed by some character-themed yoga. Sometimes they are allowed to watch “Paw Patrol,” which is usually perfect for maintaining quiet during a work call. They FaceTime me. | They do online art lessons and they have Silly Time at noon followed by some character-themed yoga. Sometimes they are allowed to watch “Paw Patrol,” which is usually perfect for maintaining quiet during a work call. They FaceTime me. |
| I’m 10 feet away, on coronavirus quarantine in the master bedroom, and I have been here for days. My partner, who has a demanding corporate law job, is now working from home and saddled with all of the physical work of child care, while I quack orders from the other side of the closed door. | I’m 10 feet away, on coronavirus quarantine in the master bedroom, and I have been here for days. My partner, who has a demanding corporate law job, is now working from home and saddled with all of the physical work of child care, while I quack orders from the other side of the closed door. |
| I can’t make lunch, give baths or administer Band-Aids. All I can do is try to enforce naptime, referee kid squabbles and attempt to soothe their fears from the other side of the wall. This poorly timed absence renders me helpless and guilty, and I’m an Episcopalian. | I can’t make lunch, give baths or administer Band-Aids. All I can do is try to enforce naptime, referee kid squabbles and attempt to soothe their fears from the other side of the wall. This poorly timed absence renders me helpless and guilty, and I’m an Episcopalian. |
| I got tested for Covid-19 last weekend after feeling fatigued and having a mild fever. At the urging of a forcefully persuasive doctor friend, I walked to our local urgent care center and told them about my symptoms. I am a recent cancer survivor, which makes me “at risk,” so I was tested for flu and coronavirus. | I got tested for Covid-19 last weekend after feeling fatigued and having a mild fever. At the urging of a forcefully persuasive doctor friend, I walked to our local urgent care center and told them about my symptoms. I am a recent cancer survivor, which makes me “at risk,” so I was tested for flu and coronavirus. |
| The doctor pushed a cotton swab so far up my nose that it seemed like malpractice. He placed it in a vial and sadly announced that “it doesn’t look like it’s going to be flu.” Then he said, “If you thought that was bad, the next test goes much deeper.” This time, he took out a thin, flaccid swab and shoved it into my wasabi burn area, all the way down to my tongue. I tried to suppress my gag and act like an old pro at pandemic testing. I failed. | The doctor pushed a cotton swab so far up my nose that it seemed like malpractice. He placed it in a vial and sadly announced that “it doesn’t look like it’s going to be flu.” Then he said, “If you thought that was bad, the next test goes much deeper.” This time, he took out a thin, flaccid swab and shoved it into my wasabi burn area, all the way down to my tongue. I tried to suppress my gag and act like an old pro at pandemic testing. I failed. |
| I was instructed to quarantine myself immediately. Test results would take five days, they said. | I was instructed to quarantine myself immediately. Test results would take five days, they said. |
| “May I go outside?” “No.” | “May I go outside?” “No.” |
| “How do I eat?” “People can leave food at your door.” | “How do I eat?” “People can leave food at your door.” |
| “What about my children?” “Stay away from them.” | “What about my children?” “Stay away from them.” |
| I could not be hands-on in the supreme moment of need. All the burden would be on my partner. | I could not be hands-on in the supreme moment of need. All the burden would be on my partner. |
| I’ve been mapping my confinement into stages of grief. First, Denial: I couldn’t believe that I would be indoors, alone, for days on end. | I’ve been mapping my confinement into stages of grief. First, Denial: I couldn’t believe that I would be indoors, alone, for days on end. |
| I think I skipped an acute sense of Anger in exchange for emotional volatility. On the second day, my 4-year-old daughter approached the closed door, placed her mouth by the crack at the bottom, and announced very loudly that we could still be friends and “talk to each other.” I had been quarantined for maybe 28 hours, but this was so kind and pure that I cried. Even preschoolers can understand the necessity of connection. Verklempt has always been one of my favorite emotions. | I think I skipped an acute sense of Anger in exchange for emotional volatility. On the second day, my 4-year-old daughter approached the closed door, placed her mouth by the crack at the bottom, and announced very loudly that we could still be friends and “talk to each other.” I had been quarantined for maybe 28 hours, but this was so kind and pure that I cried. Even preschoolers can understand the necessity of connection. Verklempt has always been one of my favorite emotions. |
| Then I got to Bargaining. Maybe I could make the best of my isolated time by doing things to improve myself. I’ve been working on a book proposal on shared responsibility in parenting, of all things. | Then I got to Bargaining. Maybe I could make the best of my isolated time by doing things to improve myself. I’ve been working on a book proposal on shared responsibility in parenting, of all things. |
| I’m a 210-pound male version of Marie Kondo, so I thought I could use this as an opportunity to sift through (or quietly throw away) all the things that my partner had put aside to organize “someday.” It’s been 12 years. | I’m a 210-pound male version of Marie Kondo, so I thought I could use this as an opportunity to sift through (or quietly throw away) all the things that my partner had put aside to organize “someday.” It’s been 12 years. |
| I felt useful when she consented to my going through her four boxes of pictures from college, most of which was packaging, negatives and duplicate prints. They gave me astonishing glimpses of ways our lives had intersected long before we even knew each other. I saw an old friend from the early 1990s in one of her pictures from a summer in Washington, D.C. She had taken a cruise down the Nile with a longtime colleague of mine. Her brother had gone to prom in Long Island with someone that I knew from college. We orbit each other’s lives like rotating planets throughout time, and I had the pictures to prove it. | I felt useful when she consented to my going through her four boxes of pictures from college, most of which was packaging, negatives and duplicate prints. They gave me astonishing glimpses of ways our lives had intersected long before we even knew each other. I saw an old friend from the early 1990s in one of her pictures from a summer in Washington, D.C. She had taken a cruise down the Nile with a longtime colleague of mine. Her brother had gone to prom in Long Island with someone that I knew from college. We orbit each other’s lives like rotating planets throughout time, and I had the pictures to prove it. |
| On the third day, I was feeling so great that I did CrossFit in my room. My temperature was normal. I had no headache. I wasn’t coughing. | On the third day, I was feeling so great that I did CrossFit in my room. My temperature was normal. I had no headache. I wasn’t coughing. |
| Updated June 5, 2020 | Updated June 5, 2020 |
| So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. | |
| A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. | A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. |
| The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. | The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. |
| Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission. | Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission. |
| Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home. | Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home. |
| States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. | States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) |
| Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications. | Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications. |
| The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing. | The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing. |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. |
| If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. | If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. |
| Toward the end of the workout, the doctor left a voice mail message: My test results were in, faster than expected. I called back and waited on hold. My heart beat with the anticipation of the next step in the grief cycle: Depression. | Toward the end of the workout, the doctor left a voice mail message: My test results were in, faster than expected. I called back and waited on hold. My heart beat with the anticipation of the next step in the grief cycle: Depression. |
| I tested positive. I didn’t listen to the doctor’s instructions, because I was envisioning the prickly crown-shaped cells infiltrating my body, closing off my lungs, and infecting my family and friends. I was still sweating from my workout, but now I was sick: my temperature spiked; I felt tired; I checked for shortness of breath. I felt more scared than truly sick. I feared death. | I tested positive. I didn’t listen to the doctor’s instructions, because I was envisioning the prickly crown-shaped cells infiltrating my body, closing off my lungs, and infecting my family and friends. I was still sweating from my workout, but now I was sick: my temperature spiked; I felt tired; I checked for shortness of breath. I felt more scared than truly sick. I feared death. |
| I have no idea how I had the strange luck to contract this — I never win raffles, lotteries or even bingo. | I have no idea how I had the strange luck to contract this — I never win raffles, lotteries or even bingo. |
| But I am lucky in other ways. My bedroom has a wonderful view of the city, the fastest internet, and the cacophony of proximity to my family. We have enough to eat. There is every indication that I will recover. I will remain behind this door for at least 10 more days. Perhaps during this time, I will reach the final stage, Acceptance. | But I am lucky in other ways. My bedroom has a wonderful view of the city, the fastest internet, and the cacophony of proximity to my family. We have enough to eat. There is every indication that I will recover. I will remain behind this door for at least 10 more days. Perhaps during this time, I will reach the final stage, Acceptance. |
| Full time parenting for the next two months, on both sides of the wall, will take some creative workarounds. This morning, while my partner took a work call, my children dumped six large bottles of tempera paint all over our rug, sofa and dining table, extending to the bathroom and kitchen. I was so mad that I threatened to come out and give them coronavirus. | Full time parenting for the next two months, on both sides of the wall, will take some creative workarounds. This morning, while my partner took a work call, my children dumped six large bottles of tempera paint all over our rug, sofa and dining table, extending to the bathroom and kitchen. I was so mad that I threatened to come out and give them coronavirus. |
| Like a prisoner awaiting parole, I envision my release. I can hear my partner and children playing, and I receive the offerings of art and food they bring to my door before they scamper away. There are no close conversations, no fingers through the hair, and no kisses or hugs. And thankfully, for now I don’t feel terribly sick. But I have the strange ache of proximate isolation. I can hear everything happening in my family’s life but I am alone. | Like a prisoner awaiting parole, I envision my release. I can hear my partner and children playing, and I receive the offerings of art and food they bring to my door before they scamper away. There are no close conversations, no fingers through the hair, and no kisses or hugs. And thankfully, for now I don’t feel terribly sick. But I have the strange ache of proximate isolation. I can hear everything happening in my family’s life but I am alone. |
| Kevin Noble Maillard is working on a book about modern fatherhood in America. | Kevin Noble Maillard is working on a book about modern fatherhood in America. |