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| The Least Our Freeloading Son Could Do Is Practice Social Distancing | The Least Our Freeloading Son Could Do Is Practice Social Distancing |
| (7 days later) | |
| My wife and I have a 25-year-old son who has sadly failed to launch. He lives in a shared apartment with many roommates. Still, he brings his dirty laundry home and eats dinner with us frequently because, we suspect, it’s free. He hasn’t found anything like a career path. We can almost deal with all of this. What we can’t deal with is his irresponsible behavior during our national period of “social distancing” to help contain Covid-19. When we challenge him about his partying and hanging out with large groups of friends, he shrugs us off — as if he wasn’t endangering himself and others. Any advice? | My wife and I have a 25-year-old son who has sadly failed to launch. He lives in a shared apartment with many roommates. Still, he brings his dirty laundry home and eats dinner with us frequently because, we suspect, it’s free. He hasn’t found anything like a career path. We can almost deal with all of this. What we can’t deal with is his irresponsible behavior during our national period of “social distancing” to help contain Covid-19. When we challenge him about his partying and hanging out with large groups of friends, he shrugs us off — as if he wasn’t endangering himself and others. Any advice? |
| G.G. | G.G. |
| Let’s start gentle, then get tough (as needed). Stop saying your son has “failed to launch.” It’s too soon to know and would likely hurt his feelings. Being 25 is harder today than it was when we were kids — and that was before Covid-19! | Let’s start gentle, then get tough (as needed). Stop saying your son has “failed to launch.” It’s too soon to know and would likely hurt his feelings. Being 25 is harder today than it was when we were kids — and that was before Covid-19! |
| The gig economy, sky-high rents and staggering student debt loads have hamstrung many young people. But I won’t be your son’s apologist, either. When he brings home dirty laundry, let him wash it. If he turns up for dinner, have him do the dishes. | The gig economy, sky-high rents and staggering student debt loads have hamstrung many young people. But I won’t be your son’s apologist, either. When he brings home dirty laundry, let him wash it. If he turns up for dinner, have him do the dishes. |
| As for all-important social distancing, I mostly disagree with the army of pundits who ascribe recklessness like your son’s to the “invincibility of youth.” When I was 25 and terrified of H.I.V. transmission, “invincible” is the last name you would have called me. I’ve also seen many responsible young people in action in recent weeks. | As for all-important social distancing, I mostly disagree with the army of pundits who ascribe recklessness like your son’s to the “invincibility of youth.” When I was 25 and terrified of H.I.V. transmission, “invincible” is the last name you would have called me. I’ve also seen many responsible young people in action in recent weeks. |
| No, personal sacrifice for the greater good (and not merely for people whose names we know) is a muscle that must be exercised to become strong. And it hasn’t been asked of us seriously as Americans since World War II. We’re out of shape! | No, personal sacrifice for the greater good (and not merely for people whose names we know) is a muscle that must be exercised to become strong. And it hasn’t been asked of us seriously as Americans since World War II. We’re out of shape! |
| It’s being asked of us now, though. Speak calmly with your son about his duty to you and the community. Then add some teeth: Shut down the free laundry, food service and other perks until he falls into line. Allowing him access to your home while he behaves irresponsibly puts you at risk and makes you complicit in the spread of this pandemic. | It’s being asked of us now, though. Speak calmly with your son about his duty to you and the community. Then add some teeth: Shut down the free laundry, food service and other perks until he falls into line. Allowing him access to your home while he behaves irresponsibly puts you at risk and makes you complicit in the spread of this pandemic. |
| I am a European student enrolled at an American college. When we were asked to leave campus for the rest of the semester, a good friend invited me to stay with her family nearby. I agreed, and I’m extremely grateful to her. The problem: We share a bedroom and stay together for most of the day. The lack of privacy is killing me. Is it rude to ask for time alone? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. | I am a European student enrolled at an American college. When we were asked to leave campus for the rest of the semester, a good friend invited me to stay with her family nearby. I agreed, and I’m extremely grateful to her. The problem: We share a bedroom and stay together for most of the day. The lack of privacy is killing me. Is it rude to ask for time alone? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. |
| INGRID | INGRID |
| What a generous friend (and family)! I totally get your concern. But everyone needs private time — including your friend, I bet. She may think she’s being a good host by sticking close. Tell her you’d like to take a solitary walk to clear your head, if she wouldn’t mind. (She won’t.) Many of us are feeling cooped up now. But carving out some breathing room is a basic necessity of self-care. | What a generous friend (and family)! I totally get your concern. But everyone needs private time — including your friend, I bet. She may think she’s being a good host by sticking close. Tell her you’d like to take a solitary walk to clear your head, if she wouldn’t mind. (She won’t.) Many of us are feeling cooped up now. But carving out some breathing room is a basic necessity of self-care. |
| I have a friend with whom I eat at restaurants. She never agrees to share dishes we order, even when portions are huge and much goes to waste. (She also refuses to take uneaten food home with her.) Many times, I’ve suggested splitting a pasta or salad and asking the server to bring it on separate plates. She refuses! Finally, she told me that asking restaurants to split orders is bad manners. I feel insulted. I come from a culture where sharing food is part of the emotional connection of a meal. Your thoughts? | I have a friend with whom I eat at restaurants. She never agrees to share dishes we order, even when portions are huge and much goes to waste. (She also refuses to take uneaten food home with her.) Many times, I’ve suggested splitting a pasta or salad and asking the server to bring it on separate plates. She refuses! Finally, she told me that asking restaurants to split orders is bad manners. I feel insulted. I come from a culture where sharing food is part of the emotional connection of a meal. Your thoughts? |
| J.R. | J.R. |
| Remember the good old days of in-restaurant dining? | Remember the good old days of in-restaurant dining? |
| My favorite objection in courtroom dramas is “asked and answered.” It cuts down on repetition. With due respect to your culture, once your friend let you know she was uncomfortable sharing food, why keep pressing her? You asked; she answered. | My favorite objection in courtroom dramas is “asked and answered.” It cuts down on repetition. With due respect to your culture, once your friend let you know she was uncomfortable sharing food, why keep pressing her? You asked; she answered. |
| In your defense: Requesting that servers split orders doesn’t seem like bad manners to me. Many restaurants are happy to oblige; some charge an order-splitting fee. But badgering people is wrong. And doing so until they inadvertently hurt us is one of the prime reasons. | In your defense: Requesting that servers split orders doesn’t seem like bad manners to me. Many restaurants are happy to oblige; some charge an order-splitting fee. But badgering people is wrong. And doing so until they inadvertently hurt us is one of the prime reasons. |
| I take yoga classes at a small studio. They have moved classes online for the time being. The online classes are free, but the studio suggests a donation of $5 per class. The problem: I’ve been laid off because of the pandemic, and even though $5 sounds like nothing, I have no idea how long my small savings will last or when I’ll return to work. Is it wrong to skip the suggested donation? | I take yoga classes at a small studio. They have moved classes online for the time being. The online classes are free, but the studio suggests a donation of $5 per class. The problem: I’ve been laid off because of the pandemic, and even though $5 sounds like nothing, I have no idea how long my small savings will last or when I’ll return to work. Is it wrong to skip the suggested donation? |
| Updated June 22, 2020 | |
| A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. | |
| The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. | The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. |
| The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. | The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. |
| So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. | So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. |
| A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. | A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. |
| The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. | The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. |
| States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. | States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. |
| If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. | If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. |
| ANONYMOUS | ANONYMOUS |
| Take the studio at its word: For now, classes are free. If you feel uncomfortable not making the suggested donation, email the studio manager to discuss your predicament. | Take the studio at its word: For now, classes are free. If you feel uncomfortable not making the suggested donation, email the studio manager to discuss your predicament. |
| Let him or her know you’ll do your best to make it up to the studio when you’re back on your feet. For those who can afford to make more than suggested donations to small businesses you value: Now is the time! We really are all in this together. | Let him or her know you’ll do your best to make it up to the studio when you’re back on your feet. For those who can afford to make more than suggested donations to small businesses you value: Now is the time! We really are all in this together. |
| For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter. | For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter. |