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| Staying Sober During a Lockdown | Staying Sober During a Lockdown |
| (1 day later) | |
| In a Zoom meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous last week, a waifish figure with rheumy eyes assumed the center of the computer screen. | In a Zoom meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous last week, a waifish figure with rheumy eyes assumed the center of the computer screen. |
| “I have several hours clean,” the person said, grinning and lurching screen left. “I need help.” | “I have several hours clean,” the person said, grinning and lurching screen left. “I need help.” |
| This was my first online experience of the fellowship that has been a cornerstone of my life since 2011. Like many A.A. members, I found I needed the meetings more than ever when the coronavirus quarantine canceled the in-person ones. | This was my first online experience of the fellowship that has been a cornerstone of my life since 2011. Like many A.A. members, I found I needed the meetings more than ever when the coronavirus quarantine canceled the in-person ones. |
| But internet A.A., at first glance, was uncanny. I caught my breath to see someone so addled, probably still drunk or high, make this disclosure to a crowd of internet strangers who couldn’t, not really, look one another in the eye. In my experience, A.A. is about bodies in space — hugs, pats on backs, a tissue when you need it. | But internet A.A., at first glance, was uncanny. I caught my breath to see someone so addled, probably still drunk or high, make this disclosure to a crowd of internet strangers who couldn’t, not really, look one another in the eye. In my experience, A.A. is about bodies in space — hugs, pats on backs, a tissue when you need it. |
| “I just need help,” said the troubled person on my laptop. | “I just need help,” said the troubled person on my laptop. |
| At that, the small streaming videos of members across the top of the Zoom interface burst into applause. It’s our habit in A.A. to heap praise on anyone courageous enough to make a start. Of course, the applause was silent, since we were all streaming the meeting and we were all on mute. | At that, the small streaming videos of members across the top of the Zoom interface burst into applause. It’s our habit in A.A. to heap praise on anyone courageous enough to make a start. Of course, the applause was silent, since we were all streaming the meeting and we were all on mute. |
| But it was a relief to see the familiar ceremony, right here, in the corner of the internet now staked out for sober alcoholics — and anyone, in any plague bunker, with what we call a “desire to stop drinking.” | But it was a relief to see the familiar ceremony, right here, in the corner of the internet now staked out for sober alcoholics — and anyone, in any plague bunker, with what we call a “desire to stop drinking.” |
| A quarantine is indeed a trying time. Where “people who can drink normally” — A.A. lingo for nonalcoholics — are stocking up on liquor, A.A. members, and there are some 2.1 million of us, are hellbent on keeping the meetings going. | A quarantine is indeed a trying time. Where “people who can drink normally” — A.A. lingo for nonalcoholics — are stocking up on liquor, A.A. members, and there are some 2.1 million of us, are hellbent on keeping the meetings going. |
| Though at least one New York City meeting stayed open a few days after the lockdown, its chairs spaced six feet apart, my regular ones now convene on Zoom, the same videoconferencing software many schools use. | Though at least one New York City meeting stayed open a few days after the lockdown, its chairs spaced six feet apart, my regular ones now convene on Zoom, the same videoconferencing software many schools use. |
| In the best of times, many A.A. members suffer from what traditionalists call “RID,” for ”restlessness, irritability and discontent,” and we’re now confessing to every manner of itch. Some want to drink. Some suddenly despise their roommates. Some are eating Lucky Charms out of the box and wondering whether, with a knack remembered from druggie days, they might snort the marshmallow dust. | In the best of times, many A.A. members suffer from what traditionalists call “RID,” for ”restlessness, irritability and discontent,” and we’re now confessing to every manner of itch. Some want to drink. Some suddenly despise their roommates. Some are eating Lucky Charms out of the box and wondering whether, with a knack remembered from druggie days, they might snort the marshmallow dust. |
| In short order we have grown used to disclosing our intimate secrets into our laptop cameras, like a bunch of extremely earnest and fully dressed camgirls. It has been weird. | In short order we have grown used to disclosing our intimate secrets into our laptop cameras, like a bunch of extremely earnest and fully dressed camgirls. It has been weird. |
| Eight and a half years ago, I attended my first in-person meeting, in the undercroft of a Unitarian Church in Brooklyn. I overdressed. It’s common at the start to try to perfume away desperation; later I learned no one is fooled. A.A. members, as their minds and lives clear up, are instructed to wear their sobriety “like a loose garment,” and on Zoom we’re in state-of-the-art loose. | Eight and a half years ago, I attended my first in-person meeting, in the undercroft of a Unitarian Church in Brooklyn. I overdressed. It’s common at the start to try to perfume away desperation; later I learned no one is fooled. A.A. members, as their minds and lives clear up, are instructed to wear their sobriety “like a loose garment,” and on Zoom we’re in state-of-the-art loose. |
| Still, knowing I’m on the internet discussing the most shameful part of my life, and changing my profile hastily to delete my last name, makes me freshly nervous about how candid I can be in this setting. | Still, knowing I’m on the internet discussing the most shameful part of my life, and changing my profile hastily to delete my last name, makes me freshly nervous about how candid I can be in this setting. |
| But I keep going, and the online meetings are packed. In one Zoom I attended last week, a woman with a fake tropical beach background surveyed the images of the 50-plus people who’d showed up. She talked about cultivating acceptance of the pandemic, not “future-tripping,” and instead taking the “next right action.” | But I keep going, and the online meetings are packed. In one Zoom I attended last week, a woman with a fake tropical beach background surveyed the images of the 50-plus people who’d showed up. She talked about cultivating acceptance of the pandemic, not “future-tripping,” and instead taking the “next right action.” |
| “A.A. is like a freaking cockroach,” she told the virtual assembly. “Like, you can’t kill us.” There was a pause. “I mean ‘cockroach’ in a good way.” | “A.A. is like a freaking cockroach,” she told the virtual assembly. “Like, you can’t kill us.” There was a pause. “I mean ‘cockroach’ in a good way.” |
| I was in New York City on Sept. 11, 2001, and had planned a bender almost before the Twin Towers hit the ground. Under my sink, I kept a giant shoe box — it once held knee-high boots — filled with benzos and opiates. I took a handful to steady me for a run to the wine shop. | I was in New York City on Sept. 11, 2001, and had planned a bender almost before the Twin Towers hit the ground. Under my sink, I kept a giant shoe box — it once held knee-high boots — filled with benzos and opiates. I took a handful to steady me for a run to the wine shop. |
| While others were giving their blood, I studiously adulterated mine with enough substances to cost me any trace of good judgment. What if someone mistook me for a functioning human with an idea about Al Qaeda or, worse, asked me to help? | While others were giving their blood, I studiously adulterated mine with enough substances to cost me any trace of good judgment. What if someone mistook me for a functioning human with an idea about Al Qaeda or, worse, asked me to help? |
| Active alcoholics tend to find ordinary life events intolerable: an empty ice tray, a mediocre taco. If you know your solution (a drink), you tend to retro-engineer your problem (anything) to tee that solution up. It’s a bad day, a good day, a Tuesday: drink. | Active alcoholics tend to find ordinary life events intolerable: an empty ice tray, a mediocre taco. If you know your solution (a drink), you tend to retro-engineer your problem (anything) to tee that solution up. It’s a bad day, a good day, a Tuesday: drink. |
| When I was active, especially at the end, I tended to give myself no choice but to pour another tumbler of wine by imagining that alcohol was the only way to endure life on earth. So when something is truly intolerable, like a global pandemic, active alcoholics know just what to do. | When I was active, especially at the end, I tended to give myself no choice but to pour another tumbler of wine by imagining that alcohol was the only way to endure life on earth. So when something is truly intolerable, like a global pandemic, active alcoholics know just what to do. |
| Today my 9/11-caliber anxiety sends me to Zoom. Meetings that used to gather once a week offline now meet twice a day. Most of the time, we listen to speakers tell their stories — how the drinking started, how bad it got, what happened to bring them to their knees, and what their lives are like now. Barring a few jokes about the tech, these presentations are fluent, wry and moving, similar to the ones you’d hear in a traditional meeting. | Today my 9/11-caliber anxiety sends me to Zoom. Meetings that used to gather once a week offline now meet twice a day. Most of the time, we listen to speakers tell their stories — how the drinking started, how bad it got, what happened to bring them to their knees, and what their lives are like now. Barring a few jokes about the tech, these presentations are fluent, wry and moving, similar to the ones you’d hear in a traditional meeting. |
| Updated June 16, 2020 | |
| The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. | |
| So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. | So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. |
| A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. | A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. |
| The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. | The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. |
| Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission. | Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission. |
| States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. | States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) |
| Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications. | Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications. |
| The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing. | The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing. |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. |
| If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. | If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. |
| Many people who speak in meetings say they’re overwhelmed with relief to find these online gatherings, which are indeed coherent and powerful. | Many people who speak in meetings say they’re overwhelmed with relief to find these online gatherings, which are indeed coherent and powerful. |
| “Part of me wants to shut down, to make the world as small as my bed,” said someone from a placeless quarantine the other day. “But in sobriety I find I can be of service to my mother — actually call, ask her about what interests her, make sure she’s OK.” | “Part of me wants to shut down, to make the world as small as my bed,” said someone from a placeless quarantine the other day. “But in sobriety I find I can be of service to my mother — actually call, ask her about what interests her, make sure she’s OK.” |
| The quarantine in New York is only three weeks old, and I must have attended a dozen meetings, although I’ve shared only once. Was my diffidence because I missed the real-life meeting? The folding chairs, the musty smell, the corny “Easy Does It” placards, the hand-holding, the reliably status-leveling quality of the basements where I got sober? | The quarantine in New York is only three weeks old, and I must have attended a dozen meetings, although I’ve shared only once. Was my diffidence because I missed the real-life meeting? The folding chairs, the musty smell, the corny “Easy Does It” placards, the hand-holding, the reliably status-leveling quality of the basements where I got sober? |
| All the iconic A.A. machinery reminds me of my bottom — when things were so bad, and my humiliation so high, that I received what some call “the gift of desperation.” The memory of that gift, of how bad it once was and how, to my daily astonishment, good it is now, is what I get from the global network of rudimentary 3-D meeting spaces known as “the rooms.” | All the iconic A.A. machinery reminds me of my bottom — when things were so bad, and my humiliation so high, that I received what some call “the gift of desperation.” The memory of that gift, of how bad it once was and how, to my daily astonishment, good it is now, is what I get from the global network of rudimentary 3-D meeting spaces known as “the rooms.” |
| “I’m just having trouble, during this virus, with all the change,” I said when I shared. | “I’m just having trouble, during this virus, with all the change,” I said when I shared. |
| On Zoom, an icon appeared: another “hand” was raised, and the chair of the meeting unmuted someone, who displaced me in the center of the screen. | On Zoom, an icon appeared: another “hand” was raised, and the chair of the meeting unmuted someone, who displaced me in the center of the screen. |
| “I heard that alcoholics fear two things: Change. And the way things are right now. The trick is accepting both.” | “I heard that alcoholics fear two things: Change. And the way things are right now. The trick is accepting both.” |
| The muted videos across the top of my screen laughed. Soon after, all of us, freshly unmuted, recited a hurdy-gurdy version of the Serenity Prayer in something far less than unison. Only then did I get a little teary. | The muted videos across the top of my screen laughed. Soon after, all of us, freshly unmuted, recited a hurdy-gurdy version of the Serenity Prayer in something far less than unison. Only then did I get a little teary. |
| I took the deepest breath of the day as if to take in — something. The sense of oneness. It occurred to me that all of us alcoholics — really, all humans with shortcomings, meaning everyone — were breathing in and out, our fragile mortal lungs, puffing away near our hearts, now so vulnerable to this novel virus that could stop them any minute. | I took the deepest breath of the day as if to take in — something. The sense of oneness. It occurred to me that all of us alcoholics — really, all humans with shortcomings, meaning everyone — were breathing in and out, our fragile mortal lungs, puffing away near our hearts, now so vulnerable to this novel virus that could stop them any minute. |