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How the Virus Robs Families of the Rituals of Mourning How the Virus Robs Families of the Rituals of Mourning
(3 days later)
Someone held Stephen Solomon’s hand as he was dying. But it was not his daughter.Someone held Stephen Solomon’s hand as he was dying. But it was not his daughter.
His son hoisted the spadefuls of earth that are customary during a Jewish burial. But his wife, sick with the coronavirus and quarantined at home, was not there.His son hoisted the spadefuls of earth that are customary during a Jewish burial. But his wife, sick with the coronavirus and quarantined at home, was not there.
No one heard a military honor guard play taps for Mr. Solomon, a Coast Guard veteran. And no one accepted a crisply folded American flag, offered on behalf of a grateful nation. Those things never happened.No one heard a military honor guard play taps for Mr. Solomon, a Coast Guard veteran. And no one accepted a crisply folded American flag, offered on behalf of a grateful nation. Those things never happened.
In the United States, the coronavirus has stolen far more than 18,466 lives.In the United States, the coronavirus has stolen far more than 18,466 lives.
It has robbed families of the rituals that follow death.It has robbed families of the rituals that follow death.
Funeral services at most churches, synagogues, temples and mosques have been suspended indefinitely by social-distancing orders meant to slow the spread of the coronavirus. Wakes, if they happen at all, are limited to five — sometimes 10 — immediate family members.Funeral services at most churches, synagogues, temples and mosques have been suspended indefinitely by social-distancing orders meant to slow the spread of the coronavirus. Wakes, if they happen at all, are limited to five — sometimes 10 — immediate family members.
Graveside military honors have been discontinued. Many cemeteries are permitting only one funeral home employee, one religious leader and one family representative at burials.Graveside military honors have been discontinued. Many cemeteries are permitting only one funeral home employee, one religious leader and one family representative at burials.
Nonessential services like flower shops are shuttered, leaving graves largely bare of adornment. In some Jewish families, shiva, a weeklong mourning period, is taking place on the videoconferencing app Zoom.Nonessential services like flower shops are shuttered, leaving graves largely bare of adornment. In some Jewish families, shiva, a weeklong mourning period, is taking place on the videoconferencing app Zoom.
Mr. Solomon, 72, died last month in New Jersey while hospitalized with the coronavirus.Mr. Solomon, 72, died last month in New Jersey while hospitalized with the coronavirus.
“It took my dad away,” Bernard Solomon, 39, said about the virus. “But it also took away our ability to comfort each other, to be with each other.”“It took my dad away,” Bernard Solomon, 39, said about the virus. “But it also took away our ability to comfort each other, to be with each other.”
Only five people could attend the burial, and the cemetery asked that they bring their own shovels for the symbolic final gesture. It was no longer loaning any out.Only five people could attend the burial, and the cemetery asked that they bring their own shovels for the symbolic final gesture. It was no longer loaning any out.
“There’s a part of me that just wants to scream: This is unfair,” Mr. Solomon said.“There’s a part of me that just wants to scream: This is unfair,” Mr. Solomon said.
As hospital morgues fill and New York City contemplates contingency plans that will include burying some of the dead in a potter’s field, funeral home operators are busier than ever.As hospital morgues fill and New York City contemplates contingency plans that will include burying some of the dead in a potter’s field, funeral home operators are busier than ever.
“We’re overwhelmed,” said Shawn’te Harvell, the manager of Smith Funeral Home in Elizabeth, N.J., which got calls for 38 funerals in the last week, six times the normal rate.“We’re overwhelmed,” said Shawn’te Harvell, the manager of Smith Funeral Home in Elizabeth, N.J., which got calls for 38 funerals in the last week, six times the normal rate.
While managing this surge, funeral homes are also struggling to keep up with the fast-changing rules that are upending ancient traditions.While managing this surge, funeral homes are also struggling to keep up with the fast-changing rules that are upending ancient traditions.
“Day in and day out it’s up and down,” said Maryellen McLaughlin, executive director of McLaughlin Funeral Home in Jersey City, N.J. “It’s an emotional roller coaster for the poor family.”“Day in and day out it’s up and down,” said Maryellen McLaughlin, executive director of McLaughlin Funeral Home in Jersey City, N.J. “It’s an emotional roller coaster for the poor family.”
Jake Thomas, 90, died last month. The coronavirus had nothing to do with it.Jake Thomas, 90, died last month. The coronavirus had nothing to do with it.
But it had everything to do with the reason his 18 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren could not attend his funeral services in New Jersey.But it had everything to do with the reason his 18 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren could not attend his funeral services in New Jersey.
Five members of the family were permitted to gather for a brief viewing and farewell at the funeral home, his oldest grandchild, Aasiyah Muhammad, said. Only one person could step outside the car at the cemetery to witness the burial of her grandfather, who was an Army veteran.Five members of the family were permitted to gather for a brief viewing and farewell at the funeral home, his oldest grandchild, Aasiyah Muhammad, said. Only one person could step outside the car at the cemetery to witness the burial of her grandfather, who was an Army veteran.
Ms. Muhammad was not able to participate in either.Ms. Muhammad was not able to participate in either.
“It’s like you’re burying a stranger, like nobody knows this person,” said Ms. Muhammad, of Irvington, N.J. “Nobody was there.”“It’s like you’re burying a stranger, like nobody knows this person,” said Ms. Muhammad, of Irvington, N.J. “Nobody was there.”
Many funeral homes are turning to digital solutions — live streaming or taping services so that family members can participate remotely or watch later. Most are working with families to plan memorial services once the threat of the coronavirus eases.Many funeral homes are turning to digital solutions — live streaming or taping services so that family members can participate remotely or watch later. Most are working with families to plan memorial services once the threat of the coronavirus eases.
“In some ways, it’s like a doctor not being able to perform surgery on someone who needs it,” said Ellen McBrayer, the spokeswoman for the National Funeral Directors Association, who runs two funeral homes outside Atlanta, in the heart of the Bible Belt.“In some ways, it’s like a doctor not being able to perform surgery on someone who needs it,” said Ellen McBrayer, the spokeswoman for the National Funeral Directors Association, who runs two funeral homes outside Atlanta, in the heart of the Bible Belt.
“Funeral homes and the funeral home workers want to meet families where they are in their grief, and this has changed everything.”“Funeral homes and the funeral home workers want to meet families where they are in their grief, and this has changed everything.”
Patrick J. Kearns, who operates one funeral home on Long Island and three in Queens, at the center of the coronavirus outbreak in New York City, said most of the funerals he arranges are in West Indian, Guyanese, Jamaican and Trinidadian enclaves. Typical services draw large, extended families.Patrick J. Kearns, who operates one funeral home on Long Island and three in Queens, at the center of the coronavirus outbreak in New York City, said most of the funerals he arranges are in West Indian, Guyanese, Jamaican and Trinidadian enclaves. Typical services draw large, extended families.
“The whole grieving process has kind of been interrupted,” he said, adding, “How do we tell families that you can only bring your close family in when your family has 37 people in it?”“The whole grieving process has kind of been interrupted,” he said, adding, “How do we tell families that you can only bring your close family in when your family has 37 people in it?”
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention initially instructed funeral homes to limit participation at end-of-life services to 50 people. On March 29, it bumped that number down to 10.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention initially instructed funeral homes to limit participation at end-of-life services to 50 people. On March 29, it bumped that number down to 10.
Yet some states, including New Jersey, have all but ended funeral gatherings. Many funeral homes invite immediate family members inside only for a brief viewing — “They’re pretty much calling it an ID,” said Mr. Harvell, who is also vice president of the Garden State Funeral Directors Association.Yet some states, including New Jersey, have all but ended funeral gatherings. Many funeral homes invite immediate family members inside only for a brief viewing — “They’re pretty much calling it an ID,” said Mr. Harvell, who is also vice president of the Garden State Funeral Directors Association.
The police are strictly enforcing these rules and have disrupted several large funerals in New York and in New Jersey.The police are strictly enforcing these rules and have disrupted several large funerals in New York and in New Jersey.
The absence of traditional religious services, and the comfort and structure they may offer as families struggle to make sense of death, has been “devastating,” said Annmarie Rudolph, a funeral director at N F Walker of Queens Funeral Home in the Woodhaven neighborhood.The absence of traditional religious services, and the comfort and structure they may offer as families struggle to make sense of death, has been “devastating,” said Annmarie Rudolph, a funeral director at N F Walker of Queens Funeral Home in the Woodhaven neighborhood.
Compounding survivors’ sense of grief, she said, are rules barring most people from visiting loved ones at hospitals and nursing homes.Compounding survivors’ sense of grief, she said, are rules barring most people from visiting loved ones at hospitals and nursing homes.
“They haven’t even been able to see them in their last moments of life,” Ms. Rudolph said. “And now they can’t even see them in death.”“They haven’t even been able to see them in their last moments of life,” Ms. Rudolph said. “And now they can’t even see them in death.”
That is the pain shared by Jenny Solomon, whose father, of Cranford, N.J., died after being released from one hospital, only to be readmitted days later to another when his condition deteriorated.That is the pain shared by Jenny Solomon, whose father, of Cranford, N.J., died after being released from one hospital, only to be readmitted days later to another when his condition deteriorated.
“The last I saw of him was being scared and being put into an ambulance,” Ms. Solomon, 34, said.“The last I saw of him was being scared and being put into an ambulance,” Ms. Solomon, 34, said.
Her father had likely contracted the coronavirus during a security training workshop for his temple, run by an instructor who later tested positive for the virus, his son said.Her father had likely contracted the coronavirus during a security training workshop for his temple, run by an instructor who later tested positive for the virus, his son said.
Ms. Solomon said she was haunted by thoughts of his final moments.Ms. Solomon said she was haunted by thoughts of his final moments.
“One nurse specifically — she was great — held his hand,” she said.“One nurse specifically — she was great — held his hand,” she said.
Updated June 12, 2020Updated June 12, 2020
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.
So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.
A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.
The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.
Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.
Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home.Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home.
States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.
Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.
If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)
Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications.Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications.
The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing.The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing.
If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.
If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested.If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested.
“I’m just so angry that it wasn’t me.”“I’m just so angry that it wasn’t me.”
She had taken care of her father while he was at home, leaving her exposed to the virus. That meant she and her mother, who has since recovered from the illness, were unable to attend the burial.She had taken care of her father while he was at home, leaving her exposed to the virus. That meant she and her mother, who has since recovered from the illness, were unable to attend the burial.
She was not eager, she said, to watch the videotape her brother made of the graveside service.She was not eager, she said, to watch the videotape her brother made of the graveside service.
“It’s just me and my mom,” she said last week while she was under self-quarantine, “and I can forget about it for a little bit since it’s not quite real.”“It’s just me and my mom,” she said last week while she was under self-quarantine, “and I can forget about it for a little bit since it’s not quite real.”
Dr. Hari P. Close II, president of the National Funeral Directors & Morticians Association, a group of about 1,500 traditionally African-American funeral homes, said the barriers to mourning created by the virus could lead to an unhealthy delay in the grieving process.Dr. Hari P. Close II, president of the National Funeral Directors & Morticians Association, a group of about 1,500 traditionally African-American funeral homes, said the barriers to mourning created by the virus could lead to an unhealthy delay in the grieving process.
His funeral home in Baltimore is offering online services, as well as opportunities for people who cannot enter the funeral home to tape a remembrance outside. The memories are transferred to discs and given to the family.His funeral home in Baltimore is offering online services, as well as opportunities for people who cannot enter the funeral home to tape a remembrance outside. The memories are transferred to discs and given to the family.
Still, it is impossible to replicate the intimacy of a final kiss or the embrace of a fellow mourner.Still, it is impossible to replicate the intimacy of a final kiss or the embrace of a fellow mourner.
“Now you’re sitting in the front row, literally, by yourself,” Dr. Close said.“Now you’re sitting in the front row, literally, by yourself,” Dr. Close said.
“There’s a loneliness: ‘I’m burying my child and there’s no one to support me in this moment.’”“There’s a loneliness: ‘I’m burying my child and there’s no one to support me in this moment.’”
Funeral homes, like hospitals and nursing homes, are also struggling with shortages of the protective gear that is required to move and handle remains. Many bodies leave hospitals in what are known as disaster pouches, double-sealed plastic bags.Funeral homes, like hospitals and nursing homes, are also struggling with shortages of the protective gear that is required to move and handle remains. Many bodies leave hospitals in what are known as disaster pouches, double-sealed plastic bags.
For funeral homes, even a final act — delivering cremated remains to relatives of patients who died of Covid-19 — requires extreme caution, Ms. Rudolph said.For funeral homes, even a final act — delivering cremated remains to relatives of patients who died of Covid-19 — requires extreme caution, Ms. Rudolph said.
“We would probably let them know that we have them and maybe deliver them to their front steps and say, ‘I’m here. I’m outside your door,’” she said, “and walk away.”“We would probably let them know that we have them and maybe deliver them to their front steps and say, ‘I’m here. I’m outside your door,’” she said, “and walk away.”