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| Quarantine as a Shared Experience | Quarantine as a Shared Experience |
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| With schools closed and the streets empty across the country because of the coronavirus pandemic, many parents are spending their days tethered to their homes, trying to think up activities to occupy their children. If the parents are also working, the struggle can be even harder. But some families have come up with a solution: shared quarantine. | With schools closed and the streets empty across the country because of the coronavirus pandemic, many parents are spending their days tethered to their homes, trying to think up activities to occupy their children. If the parents are also working, the struggle can be even harder. But some families have come up with a solution: shared quarantine. |
| Sheltering in place together has taken several forms, from couples who stay in place and choose to socialize with only one other family, to multiple families gathering in one place. These families might be bending the rules on social distancing, but they feel that they can also find strength in numbers without endangering anyone in their group. The parents share the child-care responsibilities and, in some cases, the expenses, from food, to Airbnb and rental car costs, if they are venturing away from home. | Sheltering in place together has taken several forms, from couples who stay in place and choose to socialize with only one other family, to multiple families gathering in one place. These families might be bending the rules on social distancing, but they feel that they can also find strength in numbers without endangering anyone in their group. The parents share the child-care responsibilities and, in some cases, the expenses, from food, to Airbnb and rental car costs, if they are venturing away from home. |
| Jennifer Bunsa, an interior designer based in Miami, is sheltering in place at home with her husband and 5-year-old son, Jack. But Ms. Bunsa has an arrangement with the parents of her son’s best friend, 5-year-old Isabella. The couples split the child care, enabling them to take turns working while their children continue to enjoy some social interaction. | Jennifer Bunsa, an interior designer based in Miami, is sheltering in place at home with her husband and 5-year-old son, Jack. But Ms. Bunsa has an arrangement with the parents of her son’s best friend, 5-year-old Isabella. The couples split the child care, enabling them to take turns working while their children continue to enjoy some social interaction. |
| “All four of us have this real pressure to work and none of us could be child-care providers for 100 percent of our time,” said Ms. Bunsa. “When we started thinking about it, it was a little like when you first start dating someone. I had to ask, ‘Are you seeing other people?’ Because the plan only works if we only see one another and no one else.” | “All four of us have this real pressure to work and none of us could be child-care providers for 100 percent of our time,” said Ms. Bunsa. “When we started thinking about it, it was a little like when you first start dating someone. I had to ask, ‘Are you seeing other people?’ Because the plan only works if we only see one another and no one else.” |
| Trust is also a critical factor in their plan’s success, as was both families’ decision to shelter-in-place weeks before their state required that they do so. “They were taking this just as seriously as we were, only venturing out when necessary and really respecting the need to social distance,” Ms. Bunsa said. | Trust is also a critical factor in their plan’s success, as was both families’ decision to shelter-in-place weeks before their state required that they do so. “They were taking this just as seriously as we were, only venturing out when necessary and really respecting the need to social distance,” Ms. Bunsa said. |
| Their schedule consists of one family watching both children on Mondays, then the other family taking their turn on Tuesdays, and so on through the week. They recently began taking Wednesdays off when it seemed that the two pre-kindergartners needed some time apart. The parents don’t typically socialize beyond the handoff of the children, since these days with so many people suffering, “I feel guilty doing stuff like that; it is almost like we have a business deal,” said Ms. Bunsa. | Their schedule consists of one family watching both children on Mondays, then the other family taking their turn on Tuesdays, and so on through the week. They recently began taking Wednesdays off when it seemed that the two pre-kindergartners needed some time apart. The parents don’t typically socialize beyond the handoff of the children, since these days with so many people suffering, “I feel guilty doing stuff like that; it is almost like we have a business deal,” said Ms. Bunsa. |
| “I can’t imagine if we hadn’t done this,” said Diego Pabon, Isabella’s father. “If she was only with us the whole time and couldn’t play with anyone, it would be very difficult. This is like therapy — for both her and us.” Mr. Pabon, who is from Colombia, is a serious cyclist, but he has stopped riding. “We respect the quarantine process. I don’t want to expose myself or possibly get in an accident and take a hospital bed from someone who is really sick,” he said. | “I can’t imagine if we hadn’t done this,” said Diego Pabon, Isabella’s father. “If she was only with us the whole time and couldn’t play with anyone, it would be very difficult. This is like therapy — for both her and us.” Mr. Pabon, who is from Colombia, is a serious cyclist, but he has stopped riding. “We respect the quarantine process. I don’t want to expose myself or possibly get in an accident and take a hospital bed from someone who is really sick,” he said. |
| Shlomit Shalit knew what was coming even before her children’s school in the East Village announced last month that it was closing. Her native Israel had already shuttered schools and urged people to social distance, and she was convinced it was only a matter of time before similar rules would be instituted in New York. | Shlomit Shalit knew what was coming even before her children’s school in the East Village announced last month that it was closing. Her native Israel had already shuttered schools and urged people to social distance, and she was convinced it was only a matter of time before similar rules would be instituted in New York. |
| Ms. Shalit, who lives with her husband and two young children in Stuyvesant Town, recalled the Persian Gulf war of 1991, when, as a 6-year-old, she and her family fled their apartment in Tel Aviv for the relative safety of the Israeli countryside. Now with children of her own, Ms. Shalit was overcome with the need to leave Manhattan for the relative quietude of upstate New York. | Ms. Shalit, who lives with her husband and two young children in Stuyvesant Town, recalled the Persian Gulf war of 1991, when, as a 6-year-old, she and her family fled their apartment in Tel Aviv for the relative safety of the Israeli countryside. Now with children of her own, Ms. Shalit was overcome with the need to leave Manhattan for the relative quietude of upstate New York. |
| But before packing up and decamping for an Airbnb, she contacted a neighborhood family. They too wanted to leave, so the two families began searching for a house large enough to fit them. In a matter of hours, the group of four adults and five children, age 5 and younger, were on the road, heading to a rental in the Catskills. | But before packing up and decamping for an Airbnb, she contacted a neighborhood family. They too wanted to leave, so the two families began searching for a house large enough to fit them. In a matter of hours, the group of four adults and five children, age 5 and younger, were on the road, heading to a rental in the Catskills. |
| Whatever the arrangement, there is one overriding consensus among these families: the benefits of throwing your fate in with friends and sharing child-care outweigh the annoyances that can come with spending weeks, possibly months, in close quarters with people who are not your relatives. And although these families decided to share their lives before shelter-in-place orders were enacted, for some, the additional risks of failing to social distance still pales in comparison to the isolation of facing the pandemic alone. | Whatever the arrangement, there is one overriding consensus among these families: the benefits of throwing your fate in with friends and sharing child-care outweigh the annoyances that can come with spending weeks, possibly months, in close quarters with people who are not your relatives. And although these families decided to share their lives before shelter-in-place orders were enacted, for some, the additional risks of failing to social distance still pales in comparison to the isolation of facing the pandemic alone. |
| Some families have taken it a step further, embracing sharing their quarantine on a larger scale. | Some families have taken it a step further, embracing sharing their quarantine on a larger scale. |
| Joseph Marshall, 42, a film producer, has decided to quarantine alongside three other couples who live on the same floor of his building in Prospect Lefferts Gardens. | Joseph Marshall, 42, a film producer, has decided to quarantine alongside three other couples who live on the same floor of his building in Prospect Lefferts Gardens. |
| The couples have become friendly since they moved in to the new complex in January 2019, bonding over their love for vegan food. | The couples have become friendly since they moved in to the new complex in January 2019, bonding over their love for vegan food. |
| Since the arrival of the coronavirus, they help one another with grocery shopping, picking up items the other couples need to eliminate extra trips. “I’ll say, ‘I’m going to the store tomorrow, what do you need?’” he said. “Someone will say potato or soy milk. It’s really nice.” They also pause every now and then for a spontaneous coffee break or Nintendo gaming session. | Since the arrival of the coronavirus, they help one another with grocery shopping, picking up items the other couples need to eliminate extra trips. “I’ll say, ‘I’m going to the store tomorrow, what do you need?’” he said. “Someone will say potato or soy milk. It’s really nice.” They also pause every now and then for a spontaneous coffee break or Nintendo gaming session. |
| He recognizes that interacting with his neighbors in this way carries risks. “We are not exactly six feet apart from each other, so it might not be the smartest thing,” he said. “But we are helping to keep each other sane, and that is important too.” (He added they are taking precautions including not hugging. If someone feels sick they restrain from the socializing.) | He recognizes that interacting with his neighbors in this way carries risks. “We are not exactly six feet apart from each other, so it might not be the smartest thing,” he said. “But we are helping to keep each other sane, and that is important too.” (He added they are taking precautions including not hugging. If someone feels sick they restrain from the socializing.) |
| Other families seeking to soften the solitude of sheltering in place, have done so farther away from home. | Other families seeking to soften the solitude of sheltering in place, have done so farther away from home. |
| “If it had been just me and my husband and my two boys in our small apartment, or even if we had rented somewhere on our own, it would have meant sitting the boys in front of a screen most of the day,” said Adi Ezer, who is a marketing manager in the customer success department at UiPath, a robotic process automation company. | “If it had been just me and my husband and my two boys in our small apartment, or even if we had rented somewhere on our own, it would have meant sitting the boys in front of a screen most of the day,” said Adi Ezer, who is a marketing manager in the customer success department at UiPath, a robotic process automation company. |
| Instead, Ms. Ezer, who is also seven months pregnant, joined with two other families to experience a joint quarantine. “I thought ‘OK, why not?’ We weren’t that close with them, but we figured we would go for a week and see how it worked out. It has been working ever since.” | Instead, Ms. Ezer, who is also seven months pregnant, joined with two other families to experience a joint quarantine. “I thought ‘OK, why not?’ We weren’t that close with them, but we figured we would go for a week and see how it worked out. It has been working ever since.” |
| Ms. Ezer’s group, which left New York in mid-March, consists of six adults and seven young boys, ranging in age from 2 to 8 years old. With most of the parents working remotely full-time, the adults have divided the weekdays into one-and-a-half-hour shifts, with parents taking turns overseeing mealtimes and child care. As for shopping, one person is designated to go to the grocery store with a mask and gloves, and once that person returns, all the items are wiped down before being put away. | Ms. Ezer’s group, which left New York in mid-March, consists of six adults and seven young boys, ranging in age from 2 to 8 years old. With most of the parents working remotely full-time, the adults have divided the weekdays into one-and-a-half-hour shifts, with parents taking turns overseeing mealtimes and child care. As for shopping, one person is designated to go to the grocery store with a mask and gloves, and once that person returns, all the items are wiped down before being put away. |
| “This is so much better than the alternative — the boys can be outside and interact with their friends. And I know I have one and a half hours completely devoted to them, without distractions, and then the rest of the day to devote to work,” Ms. Ezer said. | “This is so much better than the alternative — the boys can be outside and interact with their friends. And I know I have one and a half hours completely devoted to them, without distractions, and then the rest of the day to devote to work,” Ms. Ezer said. |
| After leaving Manhattan some three weeks ago, Ms. Ezer and her companions settled in Tennessee, renting out Mountain Laurel Farm, an organic farm and retreat in the Appalachian Mountains of Northeast Tennessee. They plan to remain there for the foreseeable future, in part because of Ms. Ezer’s pregnancy. (She is seeing a local doctor for her checkups and is hoping that life will soon return to normal and she will be able to return to New York in time for her June due date). | After leaving Manhattan some three weeks ago, Ms. Ezer and her companions settled in Tennessee, renting out Mountain Laurel Farm, an organic farm and retreat in the Appalachian Mountains of Northeast Tennessee. They plan to remain there for the foreseeable future, in part because of Ms. Ezer’s pregnancy. (She is seeing a local doctor for her checkups and is hoping that life will soon return to normal and she will be able to return to New York in time for her June due date). |
| With shelter-in-place orders and social distancing rules, some might consider the decision for multiple families to live together or share child-care duties to be unsafe. | With shelter-in-place orders and social distancing rules, some might consider the decision for multiple families to live together or share child-care duties to be unsafe. |
| However, “this kind of arrangement sounds fine,” said Dr. Jessica Justman, the senior technical director of ICAP at Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health, as long as it “means the group is practicing social distancing from all others who are not part of the extended household and everyone in the extended household is truly staying away from all others, and very careful when food shopping, et cetera.” | However, “this kind of arrangement sounds fine,” said Dr. Jessica Justman, the senior technical director of ICAP at Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health, as long as it “means the group is practicing social distancing from all others who are not part of the extended household and everyone in the extended household is truly staying away from all others, and very careful when food shopping, et cetera.” |
| The rise in the number of New Yorkers fleeing the city for rural areas has also become a focus of criticism, as smaller communities fear that the influx of mostly wealthy Manhattanites could threaten their safety. | The rise in the number of New Yorkers fleeing the city for rural areas has also become a focus of criticism, as smaller communities fear that the influx of mostly wealthy Manhattanites could threaten their safety. |
| “We left the city early, but we are still trying to be very socially conscious and we found a house that is very remote, so we can isolate,” said Ms. Ezer. “We wanted something that has space to run around, and where we don’t have to disturb anyone or come into contact with them.” | “We left the city early, but we are still trying to be very socially conscious and we found a house that is very remote, so we can isolate,” said Ms. Ezer. “We wanted something that has space to run around, and where we don’t have to disturb anyone or come into contact with them.” |
| And as the pandemic continues to stretch on, some wonder how long they can hold out. There are the financial considerations, as well as the social aspects, such as disparate parenting styles and the general irritations of spending so much time with another family. | And as the pandemic continues to stretch on, some wonder how long they can hold out. There are the financial considerations, as well as the social aspects, such as disparate parenting styles and the general irritations of spending so much time with another family. |
| “We haven’t completely budgeted everything. We are renting a car. We still have our New York rent,” said Ms. Shalit, whose family is staying in the Airbnb upstate, paying roughly $150 a night. “The best part is having companionship, but the worst part is all the noise.” | “We haven’t completely budgeted everything. We are renting a car. We still have our New York rent,” said Ms. Shalit, whose family is staying in the Airbnb upstate, paying roughly $150 a night. “The best part is having companionship, but the worst part is all the noise.” |
| The other family has committed to stay at the house through April, but Ms. Shalit and her family have so far paid for just part of the month. “I need to take it day by day. I am still in shock, and it is really hard for me to grasp this situation, so two weeks is about as far ahead as I can think,” she said. | The other family has committed to stay at the house through April, but Ms. Shalit and her family have so far paid for just part of the month. “I need to take it day by day. I am still in shock, and it is really hard for me to grasp this situation, so two weeks is about as far ahead as I can think,” she said. |
| For Ms. Shalit, her childhood experience with the gulf war closely resonates. While Tel Aviv braced for incoming scud missiles fired from Iraq, a young Ms. Shalit spent much of her time playing outside, largely isolated from the fear. “My memories are of a city girl hanging with her parents in the countryside. I want my kids to have that same feeling of freedom and not of stress.” | For Ms. Shalit, her childhood experience with the gulf war closely resonates. While Tel Aviv braced for incoming scud missiles fired from Iraq, a young Ms. Shalit spent much of her time playing outside, largely isolated from the fear. “My memories are of a city girl hanging with her parents in the countryside. I want my kids to have that same feeling of freedom and not of stress.” |
| Alyson Krueger contributed reporting. | |
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