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| Version 9 | Version 10 |
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| To My Husband in Quarantine on Day 18 | To My Husband in Quarantine on Day 18 |
| (32 minutes later) | |
| I know that you are feeling better when you are beginning to annoy me again. | I know that you are feeling better when you are beginning to annoy me again. |
| The moment you first noticed fever, you disappeared behind a closed door and designed a strict plan involving zero contact with our family. After 18 days of quarantine in our bedroom, where a mere five-minute FaceTime call weakens your entire body, we see the slow return of your strength. With that progress comes a familiar return to mild marital bickering, a blessing that washes over me like healing waves of relief. | The moment you first noticed fever, you disappeared behind a closed door and designed a strict plan involving zero contact with our family. After 18 days of quarantine in our bedroom, where a mere five-minute FaceTime call weakens your entire body, we see the slow return of your strength. With that progress comes a familiar return to mild marital bickering, a blessing that washes over me like healing waves of relief. |
| You carry the weighty knowledge that my past chemotherapy and incurable cancer leaves me with a devastated immune system. For the past decade, my life with Waldenstrom macroglobulinemia — a rare lymphoma — had already necessitated the embrace of social distancing as infections became more frequent and being exposed to the sniffles sent me to the hospital with pneumonia. | You carry the weighty knowledge that my past chemotherapy and incurable cancer leaves me with a devastated immune system. For the past decade, my life with Waldenstrom macroglobulinemia — a rare lymphoma — had already necessitated the embrace of social distancing as infections became more frequent and being exposed to the sniffles sent me to the hospital with pneumonia. |
| Every virus holds the potential to wreak havoc in my body. Lost is the ability to self-regulate or manage fevers judiciously. My cells’ misguided reaction to illness is fiercely protective yet dangerous. The threat Covid-19 poses allows no room for error. | Every virus holds the potential to wreak havoc in my body. Lost is the ability to self-regulate or manage fevers judiciously. My cells’ misguided reaction to illness is fiercely protective yet dangerous. The threat Covid-19 poses allows no room for error. |
| You have taken the best care of me by isolating yourself drastically. Your act of contagion chivalry makes me miss you even more. You are my hero. | You have taken the best care of me by isolating yourself drastically. Your act of contagion chivalry makes me miss you even more. You are my hero. |
| Your doctor could not believe the relentless persistence of your fever. Waiting for test results, she wondered aloud about other causes. I do not like the rabbit hole she disappears down when inquiring about night sweats and enlarged lymph nodes. When the coronavirus test comes back positive, she is surprised. I am not. | Your doctor could not believe the relentless persistence of your fever. Waiting for test results, she wondered aloud about other causes. I do not like the rabbit hole she disappears down when inquiring about night sweats and enlarged lymph nodes. When the coronavirus test comes back positive, she is surprised. I am not. |
| I like to believe that I know you, my love of 30 years, fairly well. But in these weeks of separation, I discover new, unexamined pieces to our knowingness. | I like to believe that I know you, my love of 30 years, fairly well. But in these weeks of separation, I discover new, unexamined pieces to our knowingness. |
| From behind the safety of the guest room wall, I listen closely to learn how footsteps to the bathroom at 2 a.m. reveal your strength …. how the clearing of your throat tells the depths of today’s cough …. how fluctuations in appetite connect to frequency of fevers …. how the slightest waver of your voice divulges overall malaise …. how levels of exhaustion are confessed in the quality of tired sighs …. how longing and loneliness can be measured in the precise selection of late night music on YouTube. | From behind the safety of the guest room wall, I listen closely to learn how footsteps to the bathroom at 2 a.m. reveal your strength …. how the clearing of your throat tells the depths of today’s cough …. how fluctuations in appetite connect to frequency of fevers …. how the slightest waver of your voice divulges overall malaise …. how levels of exhaustion are confessed in the quality of tired sighs …. how longing and loneliness can be measured in the precise selection of late night music on YouTube. |
| We have our first squabble, by phone, on day 16. That is a very good sign indeed. It is trash pickup day. You call with helpful suggestions about how precisely to put out the trash the right way. Under the usual division of labor in our home, trash management lies exclusively in your domain. Weeks have passed with you being too sick to bother. Today you want it done right. I’m insulted by your detailed instructions. It’s going to be hard to renegotiate control of space, domain and trash cans after illness subsides. | We have our first squabble, by phone, on day 16. That is a very good sign indeed. It is trash pickup day. You call with helpful suggestions about how precisely to put out the trash the right way. Under the usual division of labor in our home, trash management lies exclusively in your domain. Weeks have passed with you being too sick to bother. Today you want it done right. I’m insulted by your detailed instructions. It’s going to be hard to renegotiate control of space, domain and trash cans after illness subsides. |
| Normally, you take pride in creating healthy, tasty meals. Now you are relegated to texting food requests, negotiating the exact timing of your meal deliveries with other household happenings. With our 22-year-old twin boys back home and taking college classes remotely, we all must be well-versed in the safety protocol of leaving your meals — on disposable products — outside your door at a predetermined hour. You mask and glove up, open the door with a Lysol wipe, take the food and shut the door quickly behind you while we all hide. I enlist all my self-restraint to not run out and give you a hug, collapsing into your comforting chest, lingering there a moment, breathing in your soothing ways. That breach of caution would take my breath away. Literally. | Normally, you take pride in creating healthy, tasty meals. Now you are relegated to texting food requests, negotiating the exact timing of your meal deliveries with other household happenings. With our 22-year-old twin boys back home and taking college classes remotely, we all must be well-versed in the safety protocol of leaving your meals — on disposable products — outside your door at a predetermined hour. You mask and glove up, open the door with a Lysol wipe, take the food and shut the door quickly behind you while we all hide. I enlist all my self-restraint to not run out and give you a hug, collapsing into your comforting chest, lingering there a moment, breathing in your soothing ways. That breach of caution would take my breath away. Literally. |
| I confess: Sometimes I crack open my door a smidgen to see your back for one fleeting second as you collect the covered tray and retreat into your lair. I cover my mouth, hold my breath, watch with wide eyes and silently take you all in. I miss you. But I am afraid of you. You’re typically the picture of health — if this virus gives you a run for the money, what would it do to me? | I confess: Sometimes I crack open my door a smidgen to see your back for one fleeting second as you collect the covered tray and retreat into your lair. I cover my mouth, hold my breath, watch with wide eyes and silently take you all in. I miss you. But I am afraid of you. You’re typically the picture of health — if this virus gives you a run for the money, what would it do to me? |
| We are in hour 68 of the 72 hour fever-free window you must pass before being released from quarantine. Your telemedicine appointment outlines detailed guidelines for coming out of isolation safely. We must avoid accidental exposure to lingering infection by the thorough washing of bedsheets, careful cleaning of surfaces, mindful removal of anything used, flinging open of windows and airing out of fear. I must remember to ask the doctor: What is the half-life of fear? | We are in hour 68 of the 72 hour fever-free window you must pass before being released from quarantine. Your telemedicine appointment outlines detailed guidelines for coming out of isolation safely. We must avoid accidental exposure to lingering infection by the thorough washing of bedsheets, careful cleaning of surfaces, mindful removal of anything used, flinging open of windows and airing out of fear. I must remember to ask the doctor: What is the half-life of fear? |
| Updated June 22, 2020 | Updated June 22, 2020 |
| A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. | A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. |
| The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. | The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. |
| The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. | The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. |
| So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. | So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. |
| A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. | A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. |
| The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. | The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. |
| States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. | States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. |
| If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. | If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. |
| By phone I tell you that I cannot wait to sit with you on the couch, gaze into your beautiful dark eyes, and talk about our feelings forever. You jokingly ask if that is your punishment. I don’t just laugh, I sigh in release. Your sense of humor is back, the graciousness of that delicious gift. I exhale deeper. | |
| Post-quarantine, will I hold you tighter, appreciate you deeper, focus on you better? | |
| Or when trash day rolls around next week, will we struggle with the minutia and get trapped by tempting old arguments? | |
| Will this virus engrave in our hearts the preciousness, and how fleetingly it can all disappear? | Will this virus engrave in our hearts the preciousness, and how fleetingly it can all disappear? |
| Or will we find ourselves mindlessly debating the best way to load the dishwasher or the ideal number on the thermostat? | Or will we find ourselves mindlessly debating the best way to load the dishwasher or the ideal number on the thermostat? |
| Let us commit to an even deeper way to connect after this necessary distancing, after this imposed time apart. | Let us commit to an even deeper way to connect after this necessary distancing, after this imposed time apart. |
| May I forever look at you with the same longing as when you step out of isolation today …. the same man that I fell deeply in love with 32 years ago during graduate school, walking the banks of the Charles River, playing guitar at 2 a.m., dancing in your underwear and making me laugh like no one else. | May I forever look at you with the same longing as when you step out of isolation today …. the same man that I fell deeply in love with 32 years ago during graduate school, walking the banks of the Charles River, playing guitar at 2 a.m., dancing in your underwear and making me laugh like no one else. |
| Welcome back to my world, sweetest love. | Welcome back to my world, sweetest love. |
| Lisa J. Wise is vice chair of member services for the International Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia Foundation. | Lisa J. Wise is vice chair of member services for the International Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia Foundation. |