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| I Need a Vacation From Parenting in Isolation | I Need a Vacation From Parenting in Isolation |
| (2 months later) | |
| My ex-husband, the father of my two young children, moved to the Catskills with his girlfriend. He hasn’t been seeing our kids during the pandemic because he says his girlfriend is “terrified she will die if they visit.” She claims to have a lung issue (that he only learned about recently). The kids and I have been staying at home in Brooklyn for over a month. No one is sick. And I’ve been on my own with them this whole time. I could use a little break. Can I ask my ex to take them to the Catskills for a visit? | My ex-husband, the father of my two young children, moved to the Catskills with his girlfriend. He hasn’t been seeing our kids during the pandemic because he says his girlfriend is “terrified she will die if they visit.” She claims to have a lung issue (that he only learned about recently). The kids and I have been staying at home in Brooklyn for over a month. No one is sick. And I’ve been on my own with them this whole time. I could use a little break. Can I ask my ex to take them to the Catskills for a visit? |
| SINGLE MOM | SINGLE MOM |
| I can only imagine how stressed out (and exhausted) you are by now! But please don’t send your children to the Catskills. It’s risky. The president’s Coronavirus Task Force calls for 14 days of self-quarantine after leaving hot spots like Brooklyn. Do you really want your kids alone in a guest room for two weeks before they join a household where one of the adults is terrified of them? | I can only imagine how stressed out (and exhausted) you are by now! But please don’t send your children to the Catskills. It’s risky. The president’s Coronavirus Task Force calls for 14 days of self-quarantine after leaving hot spots like Brooklyn. Do you really want your kids alone in a guest room for two weeks before they join a household where one of the adults is terrified of them? |
| It’s not fair to question the girlfriend’s recent claim of a pulmonary condition either, tempting as that may be. Before this pandemic, there was little reason to share relatively minor health problems that could be big risk factors now. | It’s not fair to question the girlfriend’s recent claim of a pulmonary condition either, tempting as that may be. Before this pandemic, there was little reason to share relatively minor health problems that could be big risk factors now. |
| You will probably notice that I’ve been no help to you so far. So, here’s an idea: Can your ex come to Brooklyn? If he stays at your apartment or finds a place nearby, he can pitch in with the kids. It’s not ideal. He will have to quarantine when he goes home again, and his girlfriend may not love the idea. Still, after a month (and counting!) on your own with two children, it’s the least he can do as a co-parent. | You will probably notice that I’ve been no help to you so far. So, here’s an idea: Can your ex come to Brooklyn? If he stays at your apartment or finds a place nearby, he can pitch in with the kids. It’s not ideal. He will have to quarantine when he goes home again, and his girlfriend may not love the idea. Still, after a month (and counting!) on your own with two children, it’s the least he can do as a co-parent. |
| A woman I know has become much friendlier since our stay-at-home order was put in place. She often calls just to see how I’m doing. Then she asks whether I’m going grocery shopping and if I will pick up some things for her. I have done so a few times, dropping off her groceries in her lobby. But when I ask her to reciprocate, she says she’s too busy. Her risk from coronavirus is no greater than mine. By asking me to spend more time in stores and at her building, she is jeopardizing my health to protect her own. How can I say that I’ll help her only if she helps me? | A woman I know has become much friendlier since our stay-at-home order was put in place. She often calls just to see how I’m doing. Then she asks whether I’m going grocery shopping and if I will pick up some things for her. I have done so a few times, dropping off her groceries in her lobby. But when I ask her to reciprocate, she says she’s too busy. Her risk from coronavirus is no greater than mine. By asking me to spend more time in stores and at her building, she is jeopardizing my health to protect her own. How can I say that I’ll help her only if she helps me? |
| BRIAN | BRIAN |
| Selfish friends are the worst! But for me, they are only slightly more annoying than friends who police strict tit-for-tat arrangements. I don’t like ledgers in my friendships. | Selfish friends are the worst! But for me, they are only slightly more annoying than friends who police strict tit-for-tat arrangements. I don’t like ledgers in my friendships. |
| Sure, friends make mistakes all the time. If you actually like this woman, say: “Why do you keep asking me to shop for you?” Then discuss the imbalance. Otherwise, when she next requests delivery service, just say: “Sorry, I don’t want to prolong my time in the shops or on the street.” | Sure, friends make mistakes all the time. If you actually like this woman, say: “Why do you keep asking me to shop for you?” Then discuss the imbalance. Otherwise, when she next requests delivery service, just say: “Sorry, I don’t want to prolong my time in the shops or on the street.” |
| My father died last week. My heart is broken. We lived in the same town, while my two sisters moved out of state. I didn’t mind taking care of him, and I mostly didn’t mind how little my sisters helped. Because of the pandemic, we can’t have a funeral now. We agreed to hold a memorial service later. My problem: The day after he died, my sisters began texting me for copies of bank statements and pictures (I’m not kidding!) of things they want. Finally, I replied: “Why don’t you pretend to grieve now? We can deal with the stuff later.” I know it was catty. And since then, silence. Help! | My father died last week. My heart is broken. We lived in the same town, while my two sisters moved out of state. I didn’t mind taking care of him, and I mostly didn’t mind how little my sisters helped. Because of the pandemic, we can’t have a funeral now. We agreed to hold a memorial service later. My problem: The day after he died, my sisters began texting me for copies of bank statements and pictures (I’m not kidding!) of things they want. Finally, I replied: “Why don’t you pretend to grieve now? We can deal with the stuff later.” I know it was catty. And since then, silence. Help! |
| ANONYMOUS | ANONYMOUS |
| Losing a parent can be so unmooring — and we’re already living through wildly unmoored days. Perhaps a generous reading of your sisters’ speedy inventory is that they were looking for something to control at a time when there aren’t many other options. But I’m more concerned about you. | Losing a parent can be so unmooring — and we’re already living through wildly unmoored days. Perhaps a generous reading of your sisters’ speedy inventory is that they were looking for something to control at a time when there aren’t many other options. But I’m more concerned about you. |
| Updated June 24, 2020 | |
| Scientists around the country have tried to identify everyday materials that do a good job of filtering microscopic particles. In recent tests, HEPA furnace filters scored high, as did vacuum cleaner bags, fabric similar to flannel pajamas and those of 600-count pillowcases. Other materials tested included layered coffee filters and scarves and bandannas. These scored lower, but still captured a small percentage of particles. | |
| A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. | |
| The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. | |
| The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. | |
| So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. | |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | |
| A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. | |
| The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. | |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | |
| Don’t beat yourself up over one mean text. Call your sisters. Apologize for being snappish and say that you (or the executor of your father’s estate, if that’s not you) will get back to them about their questions. Then share your sadness at your loss. They may respond in kind, opening a new line of communication. If they don’t, pull back and take care of yourself, OK? | Don’t beat yourself up over one mean text. Call your sisters. Apologize for being snappish and say that you (or the executor of your father’s estate, if that’s not you) will get back to them about their questions. Then share your sadness at your loss. They may respond in kind, opening a new line of communication. If they don’t, pull back and take care of yourself, OK? |
| I often see a woman in town walking a sweet dog. Somewhere along the line, we developed a routine where she lets go of the leash, and the dog comes running to me for petting. I used to love this. But now, I’m feeling so uncomfortable on the street that our routine feels almost like an assault. Am I out of line? | I often see a woman in town walking a sweet dog. Somewhere along the line, we developed a routine where she lets go of the leash, and the dog comes running to me for petting. I used to love this. But now, I’m feeling so uncomfortable on the street that our routine feels almost like an assault. Am I out of line? |
| T.M. | T.M. |
| Of course not! All kinds of things that used to feel utterly normal — remember hugging friends? — are unthinkable now. Your neighbor will understand. From a safe distance, say: “You know I love your dog. But these days, his approach makes me feel anxious. Can you keep him on the leash for now?” Don’t be afraid to air your skittish feelings. You’re in really good company. | Of course not! All kinds of things that used to feel utterly normal — remember hugging friends? — are unthinkable now. Your neighbor will understand. From a safe distance, say: “You know I love your dog. But these days, his approach makes me feel anxious. Can you keep him on the leash for now?” Don’t be afraid to air your skittish feelings. You’re in really good company. |