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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| No One to Hunker Down With | No One to Hunker Down With |
| (about 2 hours later) | |
| Three days before the governor of my state issued his stay at home order, the 45-year-old man I’d been dating for a month told me he was self-isolating. | Three days before the governor of my state issued his stay at home order, the 45-year-old man I’d been dating for a month told me he was self-isolating. |
| “But we saw each other yesterday!” I said. “We ate in a restaurant!” | “But we saw each other yesterday!” I said. “We ate in a restaurant!” |
| He would have none of it. “Don’t try to use your logic on me,” he said. | He would have none of it. “Don’t try to use your logic on me,” he said. |
| I shivered. Amid a growing swell of Covid-19 cases and an imminent lockdown, I realized my lifelong nightmare of being alone was coming true. | I shivered. Amid a growing swell of Covid-19 cases and an imminent lockdown, I realized my lifelong nightmare of being alone was coming true. |
| I’m a 39-year-old divorcée living with my terrier, Artie, in Los Angeles. As someone with major depressive disorder, I rely on the company of others to draw me out of myself when my thoughts grow too dark. If not stopped, the depression spirals. I feel I’m not worth the breath I draw. | I’m a 39-year-old divorcée living with my terrier, Artie, in Los Angeles. As someone with major depressive disorder, I rely on the company of others to draw me out of myself when my thoughts grow too dark. If not stopped, the depression spirals. I feel I’m not worth the breath I draw. |
| Breakups are a classic trigger, and confirm to my spinning brain that I’ll always be alone. Loneliness is its own form of pain, its own pre-existing condition. | Breakups are a classic trigger, and confirm to my spinning brain that I’ll always be alone. Loneliness is its own form of pain, its own pre-existing condition. |
| I’ve been ashamed to admit my phobia of solitude. It suggests weakness and challenges our value of rugged individualism. It’s un-American. | I’ve been ashamed to admit my phobia of solitude. It suggests weakness and challenges our value of rugged individualism. It’s un-American. |
| In my 20s, well-intentioned friends told me I had to learn to be happy to be alone. I’d reply, “But isn’t life just more fun with two?” If a party wound down late at night, I’d enjoin fellow guests to curl into bed with me, just to cuddle. It reminded me of when, as kids, my siblings and I would climb into bed with our parents on Sunday mornings, something we still do when we visit as adults, trays of tea and toast and newspapers spread across our laps. | In my 20s, well-intentioned friends told me I had to learn to be happy to be alone. I’d reply, “But isn’t life just more fun with two?” If a party wound down late at night, I’d enjoin fellow guests to curl into bed with me, just to cuddle. It reminded me of when, as kids, my siblings and I would climb into bed with our parents on Sunday mornings, something we still do when we visit as adults, trays of tea and toast and newspapers spread across our laps. |
| At 32, I recklessly married a man I was doomed to divorce. I’ve dated nearly constantly for the four years since we split. | At 32, I recklessly married a man I was doomed to divorce. I’ve dated nearly constantly for the four years since we split. |
| When my nonsymptomatic new guy took to sheltering at home, I called him irrational. “We’re healthy! We’re youngish! We’ve already exchanged germs!” I unsuccessfully tried to talk him back. He often said life’s greatest value was human connection. The cold irony was eclipsed as the terror of being cut off from every human in my life slowly rose from deep inside me; I couldn’t logic my way out of it. | When my nonsymptomatic new guy took to sheltering at home, I called him irrational. “We’re healthy! We’re youngish! We’ve already exchanged germs!” I unsuccessfully tried to talk him back. He often said life’s greatest value was human connection. The cold irony was eclipsed as the terror of being cut off from every human in my life slowly rose from deep inside me; I couldn’t logic my way out of it. |
| As soon as I hung up the phone, I picked up a pack of cigarettes. I chain-smoked and paced the sidewalk in front of my house in the rain on and off for two days. | As soon as I hung up the phone, I picked up a pack of cigarettes. I chain-smoked and paced the sidewalk in front of my house in the rain on and off for two days. |
| On social media, a different threat confronted me: a mom on a worm-search with her toddlers; a couple planting peas and plucking weeds in tandem; contented introverts bingeing “Love Is Blind.” Physical distancing felt like the East Coast’s cuffing season — when desperate singles couple up to endure the winter’s long, cold nights — but without the promise of spring. If you didn’t secure a partner before coronavirus hit, you’re staring down weeks without snuggles or kisses “until further notice,” as the shuttered eateries and storefronts ominously posted. | On social media, a different threat confronted me: a mom on a worm-search with her toddlers; a couple planting peas and plucking weeds in tandem; contented introverts bingeing “Love Is Blind.” Physical distancing felt like the East Coast’s cuffing season — when desperate singles couple up to endure the winter’s long, cold nights — but without the promise of spring. If you didn’t secure a partner before coronavirus hit, you’re staring down weeks without snuggles or kisses “until further notice,” as the shuttered eateries and storefronts ominously posted. |
| “I have no one to hunker down with,” I texted my mom. | “I have no one to hunker down with,” I texted my mom. |
| “I know, honey,” she said. | “I know, honey,” she said. |
| By day three, I hadn’t eaten and left my bed only to walk Artie. | By day three, I hadn’t eaten and left my bed only to walk Artie. |
| Although it felt like I was moving through molasses, I knew it was time to deploy all available resources. So I FaceTimed with my therapist, upped my antidepressants, and reached out to family. I slapped a nicotine patch on my arm. | Although it felt like I was moving through molasses, I knew it was time to deploy all available resources. So I FaceTimed with my therapist, upped my antidepressants, and reached out to family. I slapped a nicotine patch on my arm. |
| On day four, I walked Artie in the hills fresh with grass and sunflowers. Remembering Joan Didion’s protagonist in “Play It as It Lays,” who gets in her car daily for long drives to nowhere, I treated myself to a slow trip to the Starbucks drive-thru. | On day four, I walked Artie in the hills fresh with grass and sunflowers. Remembering Joan Didion’s protagonist in “Play It as It Lays,” who gets in her car daily for long drives to nowhere, I treated myself to a slow trip to the Starbucks drive-thru. |
| Updated June 1, 2020 | |
| Exercise researchers and physicians have some blunt advice for those of us aiming to return to regular exercise now: Start slowly and then rev up your workouts, also slowly. American adults tended to be about 12 percent less active after the stay-at-home mandates began in March than they were in January. But there are steps you can take to ease your way back into regular exercise safely. First, “start at no more than 50 percent of the exercise you were doing before Covid,” says Dr. Monica Rho, the chief of musculoskeletal medicine at the Shirley Ryan AbilityLab in Chicago. Thread in some preparatory squats, too, she advises. “When you haven’t been exercising, you lose muscle mass.” Expect some muscle twinges after these preliminary, post-lockdown sessions, especially a day or two later. But sudden or increasing pain during exercise is a clarion call to stop and return home. | |
| States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. | States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people. |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) |
| More than 40 million people — the equivalent of 1 in 4 U.S. workers — have filed for unemployment benefits since the pandemic took hold. One in five who were working in February reported losing a job or being furloughed in March or the beginning of April, data from a Federal Reserve survey released on May 14 showed, and that pain was highly concentrated among low earners. Fully 39 percent of former workers living in a household earning $40,000 or less lost work, compared with 13 percent in those making more than $100,000, a Fed official said. | More than 40 million people — the equivalent of 1 in 4 U.S. workers — have filed for unemployment benefits since the pandemic took hold. One in five who were working in February reported losing a job or being furloughed in March or the beginning of April, data from a Federal Reserve survey released on May 14 showed, and that pain was highly concentrated among low earners. Fully 39 percent of former workers living in a household earning $40,000 or less lost work, compared with 13 percent in those making more than $100,000, a Fed official said. |
| Yes, but make sure you keep six feet of distance between you and people who don’t live in your home. Even if you just hang out in a park, rather than go for a jog or a walk, getting some fresh air, and hopefully sunshine, is a good idea. | Yes, but make sure you keep six feet of distance between you and people who don’t live in your home. Even if you just hang out in a park, rather than go for a jog or a walk, getting some fresh air, and hopefully sunshine, is a good idea. |
| Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications. | Taking one’s temperature to look for signs of fever is not as easy as it sounds, as “normal” temperature numbers can vary, but generally, keep an eye out for a temperature of 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit or higher. If you don’t have a thermometer (they can be pricey these days), there are other ways to figure out if you have a fever, or are at risk of Covid-19 complications. |
| The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing. | The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don’t need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don’t replace hand washing and social distancing. |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. |
| If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. | If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested. |
| Charity Navigator, which evaluates charities using a numbers-based system, has a running list of nonprofits working in communities affected by the outbreak. You can give blood through the American Red Cross, and World Central Kitchen has stepped in to distribute meals in major cities. | Charity Navigator, which evaluates charities using a numbers-based system, has a running list of nonprofits working in communities affected by the outbreak. You can give blood through the American Red Cross, and World Central Kitchen has stepped in to distribute meals in major cities. |
| While listening to an NPR program on the radio, something miraculous happened. The story was about how social distancing and isolation can cause severe anxiety and depression, that this was to be expected. Here were experts espousing definitively that human connection is vital. After spending my entire life pegging myself as a freak, it turns out I’m not alone. Everyone needs love, touch and companionship. | While listening to an NPR program on the radio, something miraculous happened. The story was about how social distancing and isolation can cause severe anxiety and depression, that this was to be expected. Here were experts espousing definitively that human connection is vital. After spending my entire life pegging myself as a freak, it turns out I’m not alone. Everyone needs love, touch and companionship. |
| I wanted to open the window and yell, “I knew it!” Of course I did know it, on some level, but I’d never heard it addressed to an audience of everyone. | I wanted to open the window and yell, “I knew it!” Of course I did know it, on some level, but I’d never heard it addressed to an audience of everyone. |
| I glanced over at the lacy nightgown I’d purchased for sleepovers with the guy I had been seeing. I wouldn’t need it anytime soon, but resisted the urge to throw it into the trash. Artie trotted over. I held him against my chest, nuzzled my nose into his fur. | I glanced over at the lacy nightgown I’d purchased for sleepovers with the guy I had been seeing. I wouldn’t need it anytime soon, but resisted the urge to throw it into the trash. Artie trotted over. I held him against my chest, nuzzled my nose into his fur. |
| I’m not in love in the time of Covid-19, but I laid a new tablecloth down, cut roses from my yard, and placed them in a vase atop it. For the first time in my life, I feel that this madly peopled world is all in it together. Though most of us can’t touch, we are all reaching out. | I’m not in love in the time of Covid-19, but I laid a new tablecloth down, cut roses from my yard, and placed them in a vase atop it. For the first time in my life, I feel that this madly peopled world is all in it together. Though most of us can’t touch, we are all reaching out. |
| Sophie Sills writes and teaches in Los Angeles. She is completing a memoir about being born with a duty to love, traveling across Europe and back to fulfill it. | Sophie Sills writes and teaches in Los Angeles. She is completing a memoir about being born with a duty to love, traveling across Europe and back to fulfill it. |