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Aching for My Grandchildren in Isolation | Aching for My Grandchildren in Isolation |
(8 days later) | |
Decades ago, self-isolating helped save my life. For one week each month, my husband cared for our children, who were 1, 3, and 5 at the time, while I navigated bottomed-out blood counts alone in my bedroom. Hairless and hungry for my children’s hugs, I threw them kisses from afar and watched their little fingers snatch the air to bring my love to their lips. | Decades ago, self-isolating helped save my life. For one week each month, my husband cared for our children, who were 1, 3, and 5 at the time, while I navigated bottomed-out blood counts alone in my bedroom. Hairless and hungry for my children’s hugs, I threw them kisses from afar and watched their little fingers snatch the air to bring my love to their lips. |
My hope of surviving cancer helped me keep my distance. Except once. I vividly remember listening to the giggles and splashes of our daughters in the bathtub and our baby’s babbling in the next room. A sudden bonk followed by wailing unhinged me. I escaped my bedroom and headed toward the distress. My husband, who had never raised his voice at me, roared: “Get away!” | My hope of surviving cancer helped me keep my distance. Except once. I vividly remember listening to the giggles and splashes of our daughters in the bathtub and our baby’s babbling in the next room. A sudden bonk followed by wailing unhinged me. I escaped my bedroom and headed toward the distress. My husband, who had never raised his voice at me, roared: “Get away!” |
Shaken, I retreated to my hideaway. Hours later, after my husband had tucked in our children, he softly bared his soul: “I can handle anything except you putting yourself at risk.” | Shaken, I retreated to my hideaway. Hours later, after my husband had tucked in our children, he softly bared his soul: “I can handle anything except you putting yourself at risk.” |
Those words echo in my head as I self-isolate today. With a sense of déjà vu, I’m again throwing kisses from afar, only this time through a window to my young grandchildren. | Those words echo in my head as I self-isolate today. With a sense of déjà vu, I’m again throwing kisses from afar, only this time through a window to my young grandchildren. |
My three children, now grown, all settled near me in Dallas and work full time. We have five grandchildren under 5, all of whom live within two miles of me. Before Covid-19, I used to see them daily, taking one or two (sometimes more) of them for breakfast or dinner. | My three children, now grown, all settled near me in Dallas and work full time. We have five grandchildren under 5, all of whom live within two miles of me. Before Covid-19, I used to see them daily, taking one or two (sometimes more) of them for breakfast or dinner. |
Since I went into isolation when the news first hit — and before it was mandated — I’ve done FaceTime with the grandbabies every morning and evening. One daughter lives just four blocks away and takes her children on family walks almost daily. With a cue from a text message, I leave brown paper lunch sacks with the kids’ names on them by a flowerpot on my porch, each sack with a little treat. Usually slices of clementines and apples. Sometimes stickers or little toys I have around the house. | Since I went into isolation when the news first hit — and before it was mandated — I’ve done FaceTime with the grandbabies every morning and evening. One daughter lives just four blocks away and takes her children on family walks almost daily. With a cue from a text message, I leave brown paper lunch sacks with the kids’ names on them by a flowerpot on my porch, each sack with a little treat. Usually slices of clementines and apples. Sometimes stickers or little toys I have around the house. |
I peer out from my post to watch my grandchildren clamber up the front steps. I revel in their delight at the surprises inside. The giggles grow louder as, with sacks in hand, they search for me through the double-pane glass to show me their treasures. Even though they recognize the toys, they love them. | I peer out from my post to watch my grandchildren clamber up the front steps. I revel in their delight at the surprises inside. The giggles grow louder as, with sacks in hand, they search for me through the double-pane glass to show me their treasures. Even though they recognize the toys, they love them. |
My arms ache to hold them close and feel their breath on my face. Meanwhile, in the bathroom by the bedroom, my kids’ old faded plastic waterwheel waits motionless in the tub. I won’t be giving my grandchildren baths here. Not today. Not tomorrow. Nobody knows when it will be safe for folks like me with immunodeficiency to venture out. | My arms ache to hold them close and feel their breath on my face. Meanwhile, in the bathroom by the bedroom, my kids’ old faded plastic waterwheel waits motionless in the tub. I won’t be giving my grandchildren baths here. Not today. Not tomorrow. Nobody knows when it will be safe for folks like me with immunodeficiency to venture out. |
What am I supposed to do with the yearning to be close to my grandbabies? That’s a luxury I won’t indulge. Cancer taught me to focus on hope that helps. | What am I supposed to do with the yearning to be close to my grandbabies? That’s a luxury I won’t indulge. Cancer taught me to focus on hope that helps. |
In 1990, I was given a diagnosis of follicular non-Hodgkin lymphoma, a type of cancer with no known cure. Aggressive chemotherapy put it into remission, but for not quite a year. I then did radiation therapy and got a second remission. When the cancer recurred in 1993, standard options were palliative. What should I hope for? | In 1990, I was given a diagnosis of follicular non-Hodgkin lymphoma, a type of cancer with no known cure. Aggressive chemotherapy put it into remission, but for not quite a year. I then did radiation therapy and got a second remission. When the cancer recurred in 1993, standard options were palliative. What should I hope for? |
Updated June 30, 2020 | |
Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | |
Scientists around the country have tried to identify everyday materials that do a good job of filtering microscopic particles. In recent tests, HEPA furnace filters scored high, as did vacuum cleaner bags, fabric similar to flannel pajamas and those of 600-count pillowcases. Other materials tested included layered coffee filters and scarves and bandannas. These scored lower, but still captured a small percentage of particles. | Scientists around the country have tried to identify everyday materials that do a good job of filtering microscopic particles. In recent tests, HEPA furnace filters scored high, as did vacuum cleaner bags, fabric similar to flannel pajamas and those of 600-count pillowcases. Other materials tested included layered coffee filters and scarves and bandannas. These scored lower, but still captured a small percentage of particles. |
A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. | A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. |
The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. | The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. |
The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. | The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. |
So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. | So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. |
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. |
A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. | A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. |
The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. | The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April. |
If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) |
If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. |
Back then, the hope of research helped me find the courage needed to enroll in an early-phase trial. The investigational treatment helped me find hope of my illness having meaning because researchers might learn something valuable, even if I didn’t survive to see my oldest child graduate from elementary school. With no confidence in “tomorrow,” I hoped to embrace the parenting I could do “today” from a hospital bed a half a country away. | Back then, the hope of research helped me find the courage needed to enroll in an early-phase trial. The investigational treatment helped me find hope of my illness having meaning because researchers might learn something valuable, even if I didn’t survive to see my oldest child graduate from elementary school. With no confidence in “tomorrow,” I hoped to embrace the parenting I could do “today” from a hospital bed a half a country away. |
I became the 15th person in the Phase I study at Stanford of the first monoclonal antibody therapy used to try to treat cancer. The trial gave me a partial remission. Another trial gave me a brief remission. Another nine months of chemo gave me a longer remission. The good news is that since completing my ninth course of treatment from 2005 to 2007, I’ve been in complete remission. | I became the 15th person in the Phase I study at Stanford of the first monoclonal antibody therapy used to try to treat cancer. The trial gave me a partial remission. Another trial gave me a brief remission. Another nine months of chemo gave me a longer remission. The good news is that since completing my ninth course of treatment from 2005 to 2007, I’ve been in complete remission. |
For me, remission means living with aftereffects of all those treatments, including chronic fatigue, osteoporosis, cognitive issues and hypogammaglobulinemia requiring biweekly infusions of immunoglobulins. All that said, I have no complaints. I’ve loved my life. | For me, remission means living with aftereffects of all those treatments, including chronic fatigue, osteoporosis, cognitive issues and hypogammaglobulinemia requiring biweekly infusions of immunoglobulins. All that said, I have no complaints. I’ve loved my life. |
And here I am, coping with this 21st-century pandemic by kissing grandchildren through glass. In 1993 I could never have imagined I’d be reading “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” to my grandchildren over FaceTime. | And here I am, coping with this 21st-century pandemic by kissing grandchildren through glass. In 1993 I could never have imagined I’d be reading “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” to my grandchildren over FaceTime. |
Their innocent love reminds me that self-isolating offers the best way to fulfill my hope of surviving and of helping my husband and children. Meanwhile, I hope to open my eyes to the joys that remain and to savor each one. Just as cancer did years ago, Covid-19 is teaching me about both the fragility and the hopes of life, and with that knowledge to live most fully. | Their innocent love reminds me that self-isolating offers the best way to fulfill my hope of surviving and of helping my husband and children. Meanwhile, I hope to open my eyes to the joys that remain and to savor each one. Just as cancer did years ago, Covid-19 is teaching me about both the fragility and the hopes of life, and with that knowledge to live most fully. |
Wendy Harpham is a retired internist, cancer survivor and author of “Finding Hope That Heals,” a free e-book from the National Breast Cancer Foundation. | Wendy Harpham is a retired internist, cancer survivor and author of “Finding Hope That Heals,” a free e-book from the National Breast Cancer Foundation. |