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4 Ways to Help if Your Kid Is Depressed 4 Ways to Help if Your Kid Is Depressed
(about 20 hours later)
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a worrying shift in my 9-year-old. His characteristic silliness — his goofy giggles and incessant bad jokes — had disappeared. He stopped wanting to go outside and said he was too tired to play. He crawled under his bed covers and lay quietly in his room, while the next room over, my heart was breaking.A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a worrying shift in my 9-year-old. His characteristic silliness — his goofy giggles and incessant bad jokes — had disappeared. He stopped wanting to go outside and said he was too tired to play. He crawled under his bed covers and lay quietly in his room, while the next room over, my heart was breaking.
It’s no surprise that children are feeling sad right now — they’re missing their friends, their teachers, their play practices, their birthday parties. Some are even mourning loved ones lost to Covid-19. “This unusual, unprecedented, extraordinary public health crisis is literally affecting everyone’s mental health,” said Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., a child psychiatrist and the medical director of the Child Mind Institute in New York City. As I watched my son unravel in front of me, I wondered what I could do to help him and what symptoms I should look for that might indicate he was crossing the threshold from disheartenment to clinical depression.It’s no surprise that children are feeling sad right now — they’re missing their friends, their teachers, their play practices, their birthday parties. Some are even mourning loved ones lost to Covid-19. “This unusual, unprecedented, extraordinary public health crisis is literally affecting everyone’s mental health,” said Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., a child psychiatrist and the medical director of the Child Mind Institute in New York City. As I watched my son unravel in front of me, I wondered what I could do to help him and what symptoms I should look for that might indicate he was crossing the threshold from disheartenment to clinical depression.
Remember that it’s OK and understandable for kids to be sad right now, and that it’s not a parent’s job to rescue children from their feelings. “The way you help a kid is by managing the sad feelings, not by denying them, not by distracting them,” said Madeline Levine, Ph.D., a psychologist based in San Francisco and the author of “Ready or Not: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World.”Remember that it’s OK and understandable for kids to be sad right now, and that it’s not a parent’s job to rescue children from their feelings. “The way you help a kid is by managing the sad feelings, not by denying them, not by distracting them,” said Madeline Levine, Ph.D., a psychologist based in San Francisco and the author of “Ready or Not: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World.”
Parents sometimes think of themselves as their children’s protectors and saviors — who need to shield their kids from hardships and heartbreak — but this approach can backfire and make kids less, rather than more, resilient, Dr. Levine said. We should instead help our kids learn how to live with their feelings and accept and overcome life’s inevitable disappointments.Parents sometimes think of themselves as their children’s protectors and saviors — who need to shield their kids from hardships and heartbreak — but this approach can backfire and make kids less, rather than more, resilient, Dr. Levine said. We should instead help our kids learn how to live with their feelings and accept and overcome life’s inevitable disappointments.
“I think it’s really important to let kids be sad,” Dr. Levine said, “just as I think it’s important for adults to be able to tolerate their own sadness. How could you not be sad at this time in history?”“I think it’s really important to let kids be sad,” Dr. Levine said, “just as I think it’s important for adults to be able to tolerate their own sadness. How could you not be sad at this time in history?”
If your child seems despondent, don’t try to fix it — just try to be supportive and empathetic, and give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings, Dr. Levine suggested. You can open the door by talking about your own. A few days ago, I sat down with my son, who had just had a meltdown over something seemingly small, and I told him I was upset that we were stuck at home over Memorial Day weekend when we should have been on our annual family vacation. As it turns out, he was sad about the very same thing, but he hadn’t known how to express it. We sat and talked about our sadness and frustration, and we both felt much better afterward.If your child seems despondent, don’t try to fix it — just try to be supportive and empathetic, and give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings, Dr. Levine suggested. You can open the door by talking about your own. A few days ago, I sat down with my son, who had just had a meltdown over something seemingly small, and I told him I was upset that we were stuck at home over Memorial Day weekend when we should have been on our annual family vacation. As it turns out, he was sad about the very same thing, but he hadn’t known how to express it. We sat and talked about our sadness and frustration, and we both felt much better afterward.
Sometimes, in an effort to protect kids, parents also deny their children important information. We assume that kids don’t really need to know what’s going on.Sometimes, in an effort to protect kids, parents also deny their children important information. We assume that kids don’t really need to know what’s going on.
“That’s always a mistake, because then the child’s anxiety about what it might be, or what the eventual outcome might be, is almost always worse than the actual reality,” said Dr. Joan L. Luby, M.D., a child psychiatrist at Washington University in St. Louis. So with regard to the coronavirus, “I do think parents need to stop and take time to explain the situation — what it means, how we got here, when it’s likely to be over, so that children can have a realistic assessment of what’s going on,” Dr. Luby said. (You might not be able to provide a specific timeline for when it will end, Dr. Luby said, but you could say that things will improve once we have a vaccine or better treatments, and that scientists are working very hard on both of these things.)“That’s always a mistake, because then the child’s anxiety about what it might be, or what the eventual outcome might be, is almost always worse than the actual reality,” said Dr. Joan L. Luby, M.D., a child psychiatrist at Washington University in St. Louis. So with regard to the coronavirus, “I do think parents need to stop and take time to explain the situation — what it means, how we got here, when it’s likely to be over, so that children can have a realistic assessment of what’s going on,” Dr. Luby said. (You might not be able to provide a specific timeline for when it will end, Dr. Luby said, but you could say that things will improve once we have a vaccine or better treatments, and that scientists are working very hard on both of these things.)
Parents should try to infuse some optimism into their coronavirus conversations, too. In our house, we often point out the “silver linings” of the pandemic — that we get to spend much more time together, that we get to sleep in each day, that we’ve gotten the chance to play lots of chess. “I do think, under the circumstances, it’s important for everyone to try to focus on what are the things that they can enjoy, what are the advantages of the situation,” Dr. Luby said.Parents should try to infuse some optimism into their coronavirus conversations, too. In our house, we often point out the “silver linings” of the pandemic — that we get to spend much more time together, that we get to sleep in each day, that we’ve gotten the chance to play lots of chess. “I do think, under the circumstances, it’s important for everyone to try to focus on what are the things that they can enjoy, what are the advantages of the situation,” Dr. Luby said.
Routines are important right now, because they help kids feel settled, cared for and in control. “The thing that’s so upsetting about Covid is the uncertainty,” Dr. Koplewicz said, so it can help to weave certainty and predictability into your kids’ lives and give them concrete things to look forward to. Maybe every Thursday becomes movie night, and every Saturday you go on a family hike. Dr. Koplewicz suggested making sure that weekends still feel different from weekdays, too, so that they continue to be something everyone can happily anticipate.Routines are important right now, because they help kids feel settled, cared for and in control. “The thing that’s so upsetting about Covid is the uncertainty,” Dr. Koplewicz said, so it can help to weave certainty and predictability into your kids’ lives and give them concrete things to look forward to. Maybe every Thursday becomes movie night, and every Saturday you go on a family hike. Dr. Koplewicz suggested making sure that weekends still feel different from weekdays, too, so that they continue to be something everyone can happily anticipate.
But while maintaining structure is important, experts also recommended easing up on kids during this difficult time, too. “It’s probably a good time to relax some of the rules that you can relax without causing damage,” said Dr. Neal D. Ryan, M.D., a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the University of Pittsburgh. Maybe ease up on screen time rules a bit (or, uh, a lot), or let kids have dessert with lunch sometimes. The idea is to sprinkle some comforting or joyful moments into each week to keep spirits up. Mindfulness meditation is another thing to consider, Dr. Koplewicz said; some popular mindfulness apps include Headspace for Kids and Stop, Breathe and Think.But while maintaining structure is important, experts also recommended easing up on kids during this difficult time, too. “It’s probably a good time to relax some of the rules that you can relax without causing damage,” said Dr. Neal D. Ryan, M.D., a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the University of Pittsburgh. Maybe ease up on screen time rules a bit (or, uh, a lot), or let kids have dessert with lunch sometimes. The idea is to sprinkle some comforting or joyful moments into each week to keep spirits up. Mindfulness meditation is another thing to consider, Dr. Koplewicz said; some popular mindfulness apps include Headspace for Kids and Stop, Breathe and Think.
And do what you can to keep your kids moving. “Physical activity has a track record as both a preventative and a treatment for depression,” said Dr. Gregory N. Clarke, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who studies the prevention of depression at the Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research. You don’t have to buy your kid a Peloton; just go out for regular walks or bike rides or do some Cosmic Kids yoga or GoNoodle. (Dr. Clarke noted that exercising outside may have added benefits compared with exercising inside, but that the activity itself is the most important thing.) My kids have roped me into playing freeze tag with them in the afternoons, which they find hilarious, probably because I’m a terrible sprinter.And do what you can to keep your kids moving. “Physical activity has a track record as both a preventative and a treatment for depression,” said Dr. Gregory N. Clarke, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who studies the prevention of depression at the Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research. You don’t have to buy your kid a Peloton; just go out for regular walks or bike rides or do some Cosmic Kids yoga or GoNoodle. (Dr. Clarke noted that exercising outside may have added benefits compared with exercising inside, but that the activity itself is the most important thing.) My kids have roped me into playing freeze tag with them in the afternoons, which they find hilarious, probably because I’m a terrible sprinter.
When my son was moping around the house a few weeks ago, I wasn’t sure how to tell the difference between normal sadness and diagnosable depression. Dr. Luby said that when kids are clinically depressed, they lose interest in the things that they usually enjoy. They may no longer like their favorite foods, their favorite TV shows or their favorite games. “The inability to enjoy activities and play is one thing you can say with confidence that’s starkly abnormal for a child,” Dr. Luby said, so it’s “probably the most obvious symptom.” Other signs of depression are when kids begin eating a lot more or less than usual or start sleeping a lot more or less than usual. And of course, kids can seem quite sad or irritable.When my son was moping around the house a few weeks ago, I wasn’t sure how to tell the difference between normal sadness and diagnosable depression. Dr. Luby said that when kids are clinically depressed, they lose interest in the things that they usually enjoy. They may no longer like their favorite foods, their favorite TV shows or their favorite games. “The inability to enjoy activities and play is one thing you can say with confidence that’s starkly abnormal for a child,” Dr. Luby said, so it’s “probably the most obvious symptom.” Other signs of depression are when kids begin eating a lot more or less than usual or start sleeping a lot more or less than usual. And of course, kids can seem quite sad or irritable.
Updated June 22, 2020 Updated June 24, 2020
Scientists around the country have tried to identify everyday materials that do a good job of filtering microscopic particles. In recent tests, HEPA furnace filters scored high, as did vacuum cleaner bags, fabric similar to flannel pajamas and those of 600-count pillowcases. Other materials tested included layered coffee filters and scarves and bandannas. These scored lower, but still captured a small percentage of particles.
A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico.A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico.
The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth.The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth.
The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave.The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave.
So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement.
Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.
A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.
The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation’s job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.
States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren’t being told to stay at home, it’s still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.
Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.
If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)
If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.
If you’re sick and you think you’ve been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested. Keep in mind that there’s a chance — because of a lack of testing kits or because you’re asymptomatic, for instance — you won’t be able to get tested.
My 9-year-old certainly seemed to have the loss-of-interest and sadness symptoms. He no longer wanted to play soccer outside, an activity he usually adores. But the psychologists and psychiatrists I spoke with emphasized another important difference between sadness and depression: Depression persists. “It’s about duration,” Dr. Koplewicz said. “If something lasts more than two weeks, and it’s occurring every day, that’s a red flag.”My 9-year-old certainly seemed to have the loss-of-interest and sadness symptoms. He no longer wanted to play soccer outside, an activity he usually adores. But the psychologists and psychiatrists I spoke with emphasized another important difference between sadness and depression: Depression persists. “It’s about duration,” Dr. Koplewicz said. “If something lasts more than two weeks, and it’s occurring every day, that’s a red flag.”
If you’re concerned, consider getting professional help. The experts I spoke with said that the incidence of child depression is almost certainly increasing because of the coronavirus, so some kids are going to need extra support. You can start by contacting your pediatrician and asking for referral suggestions. Or reach out to a local mental health clinic, hospital, or academic medical center, which may be able to triage your child online and recommend appropriate help. (The Child Mind Institute, for instance, offers initial 45-minute remote consultations starting at $150.) Thankfully, most mental health therapies can be provided online, so kids can get the help they need from the safety of their home.If you’re concerned, consider getting professional help. The experts I spoke with said that the incidence of child depression is almost certainly increasing because of the coronavirus, so some kids are going to need extra support. You can start by contacting your pediatrician and asking for referral suggestions. Or reach out to a local mental health clinic, hospital, or academic medical center, which may be able to triage your child online and recommend appropriate help. (The Child Mind Institute, for instance, offers initial 45-minute remote consultations starting at $150.) Thankfully, most mental health therapies can be provided online, so kids can get the help they need from the safety of their home.
As for my 9-year-old: I’m relieved to report that his slump eased up after about a week, and the following week he seemed much better. He even began giving his little sister soccer lessons, which then made her so much happier, too. My son still has his mopey moments, of course. But right now, don’t we all?As for my 9-year-old: I’m relieved to report that his slump eased up after about a week, and the following week he seemed much better. He even began giving his little sister soccer lessons, which then made her so much happier, too. My son still has his mopey moments, of course. But right now, don’t we all?
Melinda Wenner Moyer is a mom of two and a science journalist who writes for Slate, Mother Jones, Scientific American and O, The Oprah Magazine, among other publications.Melinda Wenner Moyer is a mom of two and a science journalist who writes for Slate, Mother Jones, Scientific American and O, The Oprah Magazine, among other publications.