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| Reflections of a Wedding Singer | Reflections of a Wedding Singer |
| (about 4 hours later) | |
| By Rachel Anne Warren | By Rachel Anne Warren |
| The fourth wall is strong enough to keep a huge guy from acknowledging when he crashes into the bandstand, spilling his drink equally on me and into the monitor, the thud of a heavy metal microphone hitting the floor. I am invisible, physically close but seemingly far and on display. | The fourth wall is strong enough to keep a huge guy from acknowledging when he crashes into the bandstand, spilling his drink equally on me and into the monitor, the thud of a heavy metal microphone hitting the floor. I am invisible, physically close but seemingly far and on display. |
| From where I stand onstage, as the wedding singer, separated by cables and a speaker, each of these special days are somehow truly one of a kind. It has little to do with all that surrounds a ceremony, but more to do with the people, the stories and the energy in the room. And of course, especially in my case, love. | From where I stand onstage, as the wedding singer, separated by cables and a speaker, each of these special days are somehow truly one of a kind. It has little to do with all that surrounds a ceremony, but more to do with the people, the stories and the energy in the room. And of course, especially in my case, love. |
| I have never been a serial monogamist. I had my first boyfriend at 22, and my first and current long-term relationship in my mid-to-late 30s. Love, for me, always seemed unfathomable, unreachable and most likely make-believe. | I have never been a serial monogamist. I had my first boyfriend at 22, and my first and current long-term relationship in my mid-to-late 30s. Love, for me, always seemed unfathomable, unreachable and most likely make-believe. |
| I have now spent nearly seven years in the wedding industry, and I am still, and always, seeking proof of magic. Technically I am seeking, unscientifically, proof of love. | I have now spent nearly seven years in the wedding industry, and I am still, and always, seeking proof of magic. Technically I am seeking, unscientifically, proof of love. |
| A few years ago, I met a single father of two by chance. I went from living in a fifth-floor, walk-up artist residence in downtown Baltimore to co-owning a fixer upper an hour west of the city near the Appalachian Mountains. He plays piano and is a Dungeons and Dragons and board game enthusiast who works in criminal justice. I saw his picture on a friend’s phone, asked about him, and we promptly fell in love. This beautiful life we have together is both totally normal and the weirdest thing I’ve ever done. Love still seems like such an impossible thing, perhaps especially so when the machine — the industry and business of weddings — gets in the way. | A few years ago, I met a single father of two by chance. I went from living in a fifth-floor, walk-up artist residence in downtown Baltimore to co-owning a fixer upper an hour west of the city near the Appalachian Mountains. He plays piano and is a Dungeons and Dragons and board game enthusiast who works in criminal justice. I saw his picture on a friend’s phone, asked about him, and we promptly fell in love. This beautiful life we have together is both totally normal and the weirdest thing I’ve ever done. Love still seems like such an impossible thing, perhaps especially so when the machine — the industry and business of weddings — gets in the way. |
| Each day, I check my inbox, we get another cancellation because of Covid-19. Venues understandably haven’t planned for a pandemic, so we don’t always know when or if these weddings will be rescheduled. It’s natural to worry about how we, the musicians, will make ends meet. For most of us, who come from perhaps the longest line of gig economy founders, playing in the wedding band is our main source of income. So far, it seems our 2021 calendar will be booked twice as much, with some couples opting for unconventional Monday weddings, daytime weddings, and alternative outdoor locations. | Each day, I check my inbox, we get another cancellation because of Covid-19. Venues understandably haven’t planned for a pandemic, so we don’t always know when or if these weddings will be rescheduled. It’s natural to worry about how we, the musicians, will make ends meet. For most of us, who come from perhaps the longest line of gig economy founders, playing in the wedding band is our main source of income. So far, it seems our 2021 calendar will be booked twice as much, with some couples opting for unconventional Monday weddings, daytime weddings, and alternative outdoor locations. |
| During this kind of uncertainty, I remind myself that this is my job and because of that, I dig deep to also remember the love I’ve seen and continue to seek. | During this kind of uncertainty, I remind myself that this is my job and because of that, I dig deep to also remember the love I’ve seen and continue to seek. |
| Sometimes, I think I’ve already seen it all. From the guest who shows up in a floor-length white evening gown to someone else’s wedding, to the family who visibly disapproves of the groom from the farthest corner of the big white tent, to the people who very much want the appearance of a band but not the actual live music. | Sometimes, I think I’ve already seen it all. From the guest who shows up in a floor-length white evening gown to someone else’s wedding, to the family who visibly disapproves of the groom from the farthest corner of the big white tent, to the people who very much want the appearance of a band but not the actual live music. |
| Once, we were asked to turn down the volume so much, we unplugged our electric instruments and mimed a set. During that particular reception, the middle-age bride had vertigo and had one song on her “Do Not Play List,” which was “Son of a Preacher Man.” I kept from asking others why it upset her so much. Years later, I have forgotten almost everything about that wedding, except the act of true romance that her groom demonstrated when he asked us to pretend to play. He was asking for our silence in order to steady the room for her well being. | Once, we were asked to turn down the volume so much, we unplugged our electric instruments and mimed a set. During that particular reception, the middle-age bride had vertigo and had one song on her “Do Not Play List,” which was “Son of a Preacher Man.” I kept from asking others why it upset her so much. Years later, I have forgotten almost everything about that wedding, except the act of true romance that her groom demonstrated when he asked us to pretend to play. He was asking for our silence in order to steady the room for her well being. |
| At another wedding, the groom insisted on seeing my credentials and aggressively quizzed me on the title of every special dance song to prove I wasn’t a wedding crasher. (Shortly after he himself crashed and was propped up in the coat closet to sober up until the end of the reception.) I’ve witnessed the occasional dance floor hookups and throw-downs, but I am somehow still inspired by all the basic traditions that a wedding upholds. | At another wedding, the groom insisted on seeing my credentials and aggressively quizzed me on the title of every special dance song to prove I wasn’t a wedding crasher. (Shortly after he himself crashed and was propped up in the coat closet to sober up until the end of the reception.) I’ve witnessed the occasional dance floor hookups and throw-downs, but I am somehow still inspired by all the basic traditions that a wedding upholds. |
| Recently, I heard a pensive but powerful speech from the brother of the groom about how love is like protecting the only key to an old lock. To craft something so literary and meaningful out of a pile of clichés moved me to tears. | Recently, I heard a pensive but powerful speech from the brother of the groom about how love is like protecting the only key to an old lock. To craft something so literary and meaningful out of a pile of clichés moved me to tears. |
| I’ve seen so many moving moments. The careful parent dancing with an ailing spouse. The public tribute to a recently departed sibling. The grandmother who gets funky on the dance floor. The babies who are transfixed by the saxophone or glued to the drums. One boy, maybe 4 years old, pulled his dinner chair to the side of the stage to listen to the band, and got up more than four hours later only because we needed to take a break. | I’ve seen so many moving moments. The careful parent dancing with an ailing spouse. The public tribute to a recently departed sibling. The grandmother who gets funky on the dance floor. The babies who are transfixed by the saxophone or glued to the drums. One boy, maybe 4 years old, pulled his dinner chair to the side of the stage to listen to the band, and got up more than four hours later only because we needed to take a break. |
| [Sign up for Love Letter and always get the latest in Modern Love, weddings, and relationships in the news by email.] | [Sign up for Love Letter and always get the latest in Modern Love, weddings, and relationships in the news by email.] |
| Updated July 15, 2020 | |
| The coronavirus can stay aloft for hours in tiny droplets in stagnant air, infecting people as they inhale, mounting scientific evidence suggests. This risk is highest in crowded indoor spaces with poor ventilation, and may help explain super-spreading events reported in meatpacking plants, churches and restaurants. It’s unclear how often the virus is spread via these tiny droplets, or aerosols, compared with larger droplets that are expelled when a sick person coughs or sneezes, or transmitted through contact with contaminated surfaces, said Linsey Marr, an aerosol expert at Virginia Tech. Aerosols are released even when a person without symptoms exhales, talks or sings, according to Dr. Marr and more than 200 other experts, who have outlined the evidence in an open letter to the World Health Organization. | The coronavirus can stay aloft for hours in tiny droplets in stagnant air, infecting people as they inhale, mounting scientific evidence suggests. This risk is highest in crowded indoor spaces with poor ventilation, and may help explain super-spreading events reported in meatpacking plants, churches and restaurants. It’s unclear how often the virus is spread via these tiny droplets, or aerosols, compared with larger droplets that are expelled when a sick person coughs or sneezes, or transmitted through contact with contaminated surfaces, said Linsey Marr, an aerosol expert at Virginia Tech. Aerosols are released even when a person without symptoms exhales, talks or sings, according to Dr. Marr and more than 200 other experts, who have outlined the evidence in an open letter to the World Health Organization. |
| Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. | Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days. |
| Scientists around the country have tried to identify everyday materials that do a good job of filtering microscopic particles. In recent tests, HEPA furnace filters scored high, as did vacuum cleaner bags, fabric similar to flannel pajamas and those of 600-count pillowcases. Other materials tested included layered coffee filters and scarves and bandannas. These scored lower, but still captured a small percentage of particles. | Scientists around the country have tried to identify everyday materials that do a good job of filtering microscopic particles. In recent tests, HEPA furnace filters scored high, as did vacuum cleaner bags, fabric similar to flannel pajamas and those of 600-count pillowcases. Other materials tested included layered coffee filters and scarves and bandannas. These scored lower, but still captured a small percentage of particles. |
| A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. | A commentary published this month on the website of the British Journal of Sports Medicine points out that covering your face during exercise “comes with issues of potential breathing restriction and discomfort” and requires “balancing benefits versus possible adverse events.” Masks do alter exercise, says Cedric X. Bryant, the president and chief science officer of the American Council on Exercise, a nonprofit organization that funds exercise research and certifies fitness professionals. “In my personal experience,” he says, “heart rates are higher at the same relative intensity when you wear a mask.” Some people also could experience lightheadedness during familiar workouts while masked, says Len Kravitz, a professor of exercise science at the University of New Mexico. |
| The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. | The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth. |
| The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. | The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don’t typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country’s largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave. |
| So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. | So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was “very rare,” but she later walked back that statement. |
| Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. | Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it’s surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks. |
| A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. | A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study. |
| If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) | If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.) |
| If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. | If you’ve been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. |
| More than once, a father of the bride has taken the microphone captive for an off-brand speech. One went into his history with Viagra after his daughter was born, while the other tooted homophobic nonsense. As entertaining as each tailspin was, I watched the couple clutch each other tighter, transfixed on the impending doom until it passed. I really like the couples who disappear for a while when they have a strict schedule to tend to. Not just because it disrupts the minute-by-minute scheduling of the night, but because I am imagining what they are saying to each other in their secret place. | More than once, a father of the bride has taken the microphone captive for an off-brand speech. One went into his history with Viagra after his daughter was born, while the other tooted homophobic nonsense. As entertaining as each tailspin was, I watched the couple clutch each other tighter, transfixed on the impending doom until it passed. I really like the couples who disappear for a while when they have a strict schedule to tend to. Not just because it disrupts the minute-by-minute scheduling of the night, but because I am imagining what they are saying to each other in their secret place. |
| Of course, not everyone in a wedding band is a desperate optimist or hopeless romantic. Some are perhaps understandably disappointed they are not selling out stadiums, revered as a jazz great, or in the very least, playing their original music for an audience. Everyone I play with is a trained, experienced and professional musician. Most people who get to this point of proficiency have a greater creative goal than playing cover songs when they work so hard to write their own. But I personally like the anonymity. Perhaps because music is no longer my sole creative outlet, I feel privileged to take part in these love stories in a supporting role. | Of course, not everyone in a wedding band is a desperate optimist or hopeless romantic. Some are perhaps understandably disappointed they are not selling out stadiums, revered as a jazz great, or in the very least, playing their original music for an audience. Everyone I play with is a trained, experienced and professional musician. Most people who get to this point of proficiency have a greater creative goal than playing cover songs when they work so hard to write their own. But I personally like the anonymity. Perhaps because music is no longer my sole creative outlet, I feel privileged to take part in these love stories in a supporting role. |
| I spent most of my childhood nights listening to Fran Lane, the host of a love song and dedication radio show in Baltimore. “Sleepless in Seattle” lulled me to sleep every night for years. The entire CBC broadcast of “Anne of Green Gables” accompanied every sick day home from school. If I have ever doubted that cinematic-level love could really exist, I have managed to position myself river bank to river bank, like a handmade eel trap, ready to catch every look, every sweet nothing muttered before it slips by. | I spent most of my childhood nights listening to Fran Lane, the host of a love song and dedication radio show in Baltimore. “Sleepless in Seattle” lulled me to sleep every night for years. The entire CBC broadcast of “Anne of Green Gables” accompanied every sick day home from school. If I have ever doubted that cinematic-level love could really exist, I have managed to position myself river bank to river bank, like a handmade eel trap, ready to catch every look, every sweet nothing muttered before it slips by. |
| I’ve played 318 weddings, and at least that many renditions of “Don’t Stop Believing,” and sometimes I still feel like I don’t know anything about actually being a wedding singer. | I’ve played 318 weddings, and at least that many renditions of “Don’t Stop Believing,” and sometimes I still feel like I don’t know anything about actually being a wedding singer. |
| We musicians get lost in the sameness on occasion, and some of us simply lose that loving feeling. But when I arrive to wedding No. 319, I will still be hungry for proof of love. And when it is so loud, so visible from one stranger to another, from way up here, it feels real. In this profession, I have somehow inexplicably, without consequence or personal injury, found love over and over again. | We musicians get lost in the sameness on occasion, and some of us simply lose that loving feeling. But when I arrive to wedding No. 319, I will still be hungry for proof of love. And when it is so loud, so visible from one stranger to another, from way up here, it feels real. In this profession, I have somehow inexplicably, without consequence or personal injury, found love over and over again. |
| Rachel Anne Warren is a professional singer, traditional wig maker and writer. She lives in Frederick, Md. | Rachel Anne Warren is a professional singer, traditional wig maker and writer. She lives in Frederick, Md. |
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