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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| 'My one night stand-up' | 'My one night stand-up' |
| (about 5 hours later) | |
| Laurie Taylor Comic Relief gig | |
| What's it like to get up in front of a room full of people and try to make them laugh, for the first time? At 72, Magazine columnist Laurie Taylor took a belated and brief plunge into the notoriously tough world of that stand-up comedy. | |
| All four of us are sitting in a straight line in the front row. Sitting up very stiffly and very formally compared with the hundreds of other relaxed chattering people who are crammed into the auditorium of the Comedy Cafe. | All four of us are sitting in a straight line in the front row. Sitting up very stiffly and very formally compared with the hundreds of other relaxed chattering people who are crammed into the auditorium of the Comedy Cafe. |
| We're all within touching distance of the bare stage which each of us is shortly about to occupy as part of Comic Relief's new wheeze for raising money - Stand-Up With The Stars. | We're all within touching distance of the bare stage which each of us is shortly about to occupy as part of Comic Relief's new wheeze for raising money - Stand-Up With The Stars. |
| When I first took the phone call from the producer it seemed a very simple business. "All you have to do," she told me, "is prepare a five-minute stand-up routine. You'll be with three other Radio 4 presenters and each of you will get a helping hand from a professional stand-up.Mentor Shappi advised him to develop a persona | |
| "Your mentor will be Shappi Khorsandi. You know, the Iranian comedian. There'll be a try-out run before family and friends and then the final test in front of a real audience at the Comedy Café. What could be more straightforward?" | "Your mentor will be Shappi Khorsandi. You know, the Iranian comedian. There'll be a try-out run before family and friends and then the final test in front of a real audience at the Comedy Café. What could be more straightforward?" |
| As the noise around me swells and I realise that it can't be long now before the compere steps on to the stage and announces the first act, I reflect that almost anything would have been more straightforward than this. Swimming the Channel backwards. Climbing Everest on a tricycle. Almost anything. | As the noise around me swells and I realise that it can't be long now before the compere steps on to the stage and announces the first act, I reflect that almost anything would have been more straightforward than this. Swimming the Channel backwards. Climbing Everest on a tricycle. Almost anything. |
| My problem, as Shappi genially explained when we met for the first time, was that I had to decide who I was. Every successful stand-up comedian presents a persona. They could be a thin miserable misogynist or a fat happy bumpkin. What, she asked, would I like to be? What was there in my background that I could best exploit? I had the calmness of a prisoner walking towards his own execution | My problem, as Shappi genially explained when we met for the first time, was that I had to decide who I was. Every successful stand-up comedian presents a persona. They could be a thin miserable misogynist or a fat happy bumpkin. What, she asked, would I like to be? What was there in my background that I could best exploit? I had the calmness of a prisoner walking towards his own execution |
| Two characteristics stuck out a mile. I was a sociologist and I was elderly. In fact compared to most stand-up comedians I wasn't just elderly. At the age of 72, I was positively archaic. Shappi didn't say it but I could feel that her principal worry about my first appearance as a stand-up was not my capacity to make people laugh but my ability to manage the standing up part of the proceedings. | Two characteristics stuck out a mile. I was a sociologist and I was elderly. In fact compared to most stand-up comedians I wasn't just elderly. At the age of 72, I was positively archaic. Shappi didn't say it but I could feel that her principal worry about my first appearance as a stand-up was not my capacity to make people laugh but my ability to manage the standing up part of the proceedings. |
| Sinking feeling | Sinking feeling |
| As the last few people trickled in from the bar I tried once again to relax. All I had to do was imagine that I was talking to a few close friends in a bar. I must look at ease. Build up a rapport with the audience. Try not to mentally rehearse the punch line when I was only halfway through the set-up. | As the last few people trickled in from the bar I tried once again to relax. All I had to do was imagine that I was talking to a few close friends in a bar. I must look at ease. Build up a rapport with the audience. Try not to mentally rehearse the punch line when I was only halfway through the set-up. |
| Remember that the story about the eccentric sociology professor came immediately after the joke about the number of social workers needed to change a light bulb.Richard Pryor he ain't | |
| I felt like those people who were on the Titanic as it sank and stood still on deck, staring out at the horizon as if nothing was happening. I had the calmness of a prisoner walking towards his own execution. | I felt like those people who were on the Titanic as it sank and stood still on deck, staring out at the horizon as if nothing was happening. I had the calmness of a prisoner walking towards his own execution. |
| I hardly heard a word of the act before me - a fellow novice. But there were a lot of laughs and cheers from the audience as he sat down. Then it was the turn of another colleague. She looked good on stage. Had a personality. Exploited it well. Got bags of big laughs. | I hardly heard a word of the act before me - a fellow novice. But there were a lot of laughs and cheers from the audience as he sat down. Then it was the turn of another colleague. She looked good on stage. Had a personality. Exploited it well. Got bags of big laughs. |
| "And now, the presenter of Thinking Allowed. A warm Comedy Cafe welcome to Laurie Taylor." | "And now, the presenter of Thinking Allowed. A warm Comedy Cafe welcome to Laurie Taylor." |
| I wasn't certain about my opening trope. It had gone well in front of the bathroom mirror in the morning but as I climbed up on to the stage it suddenly seemed as funny as a November weather forecast. FIND OUT MORE... Stand-Up With The Stars is on BBC Radio 4 on Sunday 8 March at 1330 GMTOr download the href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/podcasts/directory/station/radio4/"> free podcast | |
| "Good evening," I said. "I've been on a short course to teach me how to smile." No sound came from the audience. But then they weren't supposed to laugh just yet. The laugh was supposed to come when I then proceeded to walk across the stage with a vacuous mirthless grin on my face. | "Good evening," I said. "I've been on a short course to teach me how to smile." No sound came from the audience. But then they weren't supposed to laugh just yet. The laugh was supposed to come when I then proceeded to walk across the stage with a vacuous mirthless grin on my face. |
| I went into my walk. Grinned mirthlessly. For a second there was no reaction from the audience. I could hear the silence. Perhaps they hadn't got the joke. Didn't think it right to laugh at my mirthless face because they reckoned that I was really trying to give a proper smile. | I went into my walk. Grinned mirthlessly. For a second there was no reaction from the audience. I could hear the silence. Perhaps they hadn't got the joke. Didn't think it right to laugh at my mirthless face because they reckoned that I was really trying to give a proper smile. |
| Then the laughter came. Only a trickle. But it was enough. It was like water after a drought. Like a sudden wave lifting up a drowning man. They'd got the joke. I waited a second and then said: "As you can see I failed the course." | Then the laughter came. Only a trickle. But it was enough. It was like water after a drought. Like a sudden wave lifting up a drowning man. They'd got the joke. I waited a second and then said: "As you can see I failed the course." |
| I hardly remember anything else. But after it was all over everyone was very kind. Very very kind. I almost allowed myself a frisson of self-congratulation. Outside the club a member of the audience came up to me. An austere looking middle-aged man. "Ever thought of taking it up professionally?," he asked. I politely demurred. | I hardly remember anything else. But after it was all over everyone was very kind. Very very kind. I almost allowed myself a frisson of self-congratulation. Outside the club a member of the audience came up to me. An austere looking middle-aged man. "Ever thought of taking it up professionally?," he asked. I politely demurred. |
| "Not really," I said. He looked me full in the face. "That's very wise," he said and disappeared into the Shoreditch night. | "Not really," I said. He looked me full in the face. "That's very wise," he said and disappeared into the Shoreditch night. |
| Add your comments on this story, using the form below. | Add your comments on this story, using the form below. |
| For many years I have fantasized about becoming a stand-up comedian. After reading of Mr Taylor's valiant efforts, maybe I'll just content myself with telling jokes to my friends.Richard S Drake, Fayetteville, Arkansas, US | |
| My fiancee and I were there last week at the Comedy Cafe at the recording and we'd like to congratulate Laurie, Evan, Libby and Peter for taking a chance and having a go at something outside their comfort zone. Self-deprecation is always a great way to win over an audience and Laurie's monologue about sociology was the perfect angle - you didn't do an impression of the Titanic, Laurie, you remained very firmly afloat. Chris Westcott, Brentwood | |
| I have a prediction; despite the sarcastic remark you describe receiving at the end of your night, I'm willing to bet that this experience will haunt your mind in the coming weeks. You will re-live the moments, which will filter back slowly from the oblivion which fogged them from your memory. Then one of two things will happen. You will either become a raging alcoholic in attempts to shred the painful recollections... OR you will resign yourself to the fact that you are hooked. You stood on stage, beating the nervous demon of failure. You will crave the adrenaline of the stage, once again. NO ONE can escape its allure, and its power, and its rush. You can't go back...you are a stand-up comic...go for it. (Just don't quit your day-job... comedy doesn't pay well.) Jon, Bedford, NH, USA | |
| Proving once again that Comic Relief is no laughing matter. Simon Levene, Richmond, England | |
| In the past I spent a lot of time in front of people (in a pulpit). There are a lot of similarities. Always bear in mind you're the court jester, as Gilbert (of Gilbert & Sullivan ) said in The Yeomen of the Guard - you're paid to be funny. Don't tell them, talk to them, let the audience believe they better than you.Ian Howard Bell, Rugby | |