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Opening the doors on divorce | Opening the doors on divorce |
(1 day later) | |
By Anna Browning BBC News | By Anna Browning BBC News |
The talk is of romance: white dresses, salmon starters, champagne and "little magic touches". | |
But while brides-to-be visiting the National Wedding Show in Birmingham this weekend may be dreaming of the happy-ever-after, those with a more jaded experience of married life are also being catered for. | But while brides-to-be visiting the National Wedding Show in Birmingham this weekend may be dreaming of the happy-ever-after, those with a more jaded experience of married life are also being catered for. |
Britain's first divorce fair - the Starting Over show - starts this weekend in Brighton. | Britain's first divorce fair - the Starting Over show - starts this weekend in Brighton. |
Its aim? "To help people bounce back" from "break-up". | Its aim? "To help people bounce back" from "break-up". |
According to the organisers, its location is fitting - coastal towns in the south of England suffer from some of the UK's highest divorce rates. | According to the organisers, its location is fitting - coastal towns in the south of England suffer from some of the UK's highest divorce rates. |
In total, 144,220 divorces were granted in the UK between 2006 and 2007, according to the Office for National Statistics. | In total, 144,220 divorces were granted in the UK between 2006 and 2007, according to the Office for National Statistics. |
Most of these (68%) were granted to women. | Most of these (68%) were granted to women. |
Second divorces | Second divorces |
So while wedding shows concentrate on "transforming" flower arrangements, "inspirational" wedding cakes and Cinderella-style carriages, the divorce fair focuses on aspects such as financial mediation, child support and break-up coaching. | So while wedding shows concentrate on "transforming" flower arrangements, "inspirational" wedding cakes and Cinderella-style carriages, the divorce fair focuses on aspects such as financial mediation, child support and break-up coaching. |
Organiser Suzie Miller is expecting a minimum of 500 people through the doors. So far a only quarter of tickets have been bought by men. | Organiser Suzie Miller is expecting a minimum of 500 people through the doors. So far a only quarter of tickets have been bought by men. |
We want to help people ask themselves questions they've never asked themselves before Suzie Miller Organiser | We want to help people ask themselves questions they've never asked themselves before Suzie Miller Organiser |
Many of those attending will be there because they have learned from bitter experience, says Ms Miller. | Many of those attending will be there because they have learned from bitter experience, says Ms Miller. |
"I think many cases will be people going through a second divorce, and they don't want the experience to be as horrific as the first time," she said. | "I think many cases will be people going through a second divorce, and they don't want the experience to be as horrific as the first time," she said. |
Again, ONS figures would seem to support her belief: one in five men and women divorcing in 2007 had a previous marriage ending in divorce. | Again, ONS figures would seem to support her belief: one in five men and women divorcing in 2007 had a previous marriage ending in divorce. |
The first ever divorce fair was held in Austria in 2007. It was a response to the country's growing divorce rate, which hit an all-time high of 50% in 2006 - indeed, 66% of marriages in Vienna end in divorce. | The first ever divorce fair was held in Austria in 2007. It was a response to the country's growing divorce rate, which hit an all-time high of 50% in 2006 - indeed, 66% of marriages in Vienna end in divorce. |
Ms Miller, herself a divorcee, denies the fair will encourage relationships to break up. | Ms Miller, herself a divorcee, denies the fair will encourage relationships to break up. |
Unlike the show in Austria, private detectives will not be exhibiting in Brighton. Instead, the Starting Over fair will be concentrated on "well-being". | Unlike the show in Austria, private detectives will not be exhibiting in Brighton. Instead, the Starting Over fair will be concentrated on "well-being". |
"We want to help people ask themselves questions they've never asked themselves before, like 'what do I want to get out of my life," said Ms Miller. | "We want to help people ask themselves questions they've never asked themselves before, like 'what do I want to get out of my life," said Ms Miller. |
Such a situation can be a "positive catalyst for change", she says. | Such a situation can be a "positive catalyst for change", she says. |
"But you need support. To try and do it on your own is not a good thing. That's what I discovered." | "But you need support. To try and do it on your own is not a good thing. That's what I discovered." |
'More the better' | 'More the better' |
Cath Allen of Relate, the relationship counselling service, supports the idea. Indeed, as one of the exhibitors, Relate will be on hand offering books on divorce. | Cath Allen of Relate, the relationship counselling service, supports the idea. Indeed, as one of the exhibitors, Relate will be on hand offering books on divorce. |
"The more information people are given about the implications of divorce for themselves and their children the better," she said. | "The more information people are given about the implications of divorce for themselves and their children the better," she said. |
"I don't think all of that can be achieved in a one-day show, but if people can find out what's available then that's really helpful." | "I don't think all of that can be achieved in a one-day show, but if people can find out what's available then that's really helpful." |
Breakup Angels, which provides support and advice for those affected by a relationship breakdown, will be organising a financial workshop. | Breakup Angels, which provides support and advice for those affected by a relationship breakdown, will be organising a financial workshop. |
Co-founder Kirsten Gronning said the organisation was set up after it became obvious people were finding it difficult to "access the right information". | Co-founder Kirsten Gronning said the organisation was set up after it became obvious people were finding it difficult to "access the right information". |
For example, she suggested, heading straight to a lawyer was not always the solution and could instead "inflame" the situation. | For example, she suggested, heading straight to a lawyer was not always the solution and could instead "inflame" the situation. |
She said her team helped people "pinpoint" the biggest problem in a relationship and by dealing with it, sometimes the relationship could be saved. | She said her team helped people "pinpoint" the biggest problem in a relationship and by dealing with it, sometimes the relationship could be saved. |
Another exhibitor, Liz Foster, became a divorce coach three years ago after being coached through her own divorce. | Another exhibitor, Liz Foster, became a divorce coach three years ago after being coached through her own divorce. |
I don't see it as making money out of people in distress, I see myself as a service provider Liz Foster Divorce coach | I don't see it as making money out of people in distress, I see myself as a service provider Liz Foster Divorce coach |
"It made such a huge difference to my life and my kids, and the relationship that I had with my ex-husband," she said. | "It made such a huge difference to my life and my kids, and the relationship that I had with my ex-husband," she said. |
As a divorce coach she deals with the "emotional side". | As a divorce coach she deals with the "emotional side". |
"We deal with rejection, acceptance, anger, resentment, pain," she said. | "We deal with rejection, acceptance, anger, resentment, pain," she said. |
"I don't see it as making money out of people in distress, I see myself as a service provider. | "I don't see it as making money out of people in distress, I see myself as a service provider. |
"Coaches offer support and help to people so that they can move on in a much faster way than they ever would have been able to. | "Coaches offer support and help to people so that they can move on in a much faster way than they ever would have been able to. |
"Getting over a divorce can feel very similar to a grieving process. Certainly if you are the one that's been left, that's a tough place to be. | "Getting over a divorce can feel very similar to a grieving process. Certainly if you are the one that's been left, that's a tough place to be. |
"If you've got young kids you've got to keep dealing with each other, and that takes a lot of work, to actually have a relationship. | "If you've got young kids you've got to keep dealing with each other, and that takes a lot of work, to actually have a relationship. |
"My kids still have a family. We go out with the kids every now and again. We can all still be there, because we can be sociable with each other. We have dealt with our stuff." | "My kids still have a family. We go out with the kids every now and again. We can all still be there, because we can be sociable with each other. We have dealt with our stuff." |
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