This article is from the source 'bbc' and was first published or seen on . It will not be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/rss/-/1/hi/magazine/7972137.stm
The article has changed 4 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| Is porn still a dirty secret? | Is porn still a dirty secret? |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| By Stephen Dowling BBC News Magazine Remorseful in public: Jacqui Smith's husband Richard Timney | By Stephen Dowling BBC News Magazine Remorseful in public: Jacqui Smith's husband Richard Timney |
| Remove the public apology, the expenses claim and the blizzard of headlines and Richard Timney's humiliation is one many other men will identify with - to have been caught by one's partner watching pornography. | Remove the public apology, the expenses claim and the blizzard of headlines and Richard Timney's humiliation is one many other men will identify with - to have been caught by one's partner watching pornography. |
| The weekend's news coverage was dominated by Home Secretary Jacqui Smith's husband Richard Timney having to apologise for watching two pay-per-view adult films and charging it to his wife's expense forms. | The weekend's news coverage was dominated by Home Secretary Jacqui Smith's husband Richard Timney having to apologise for watching two pay-per-view adult films and charging it to his wife's expense forms. |
| Quite apart from the political fallout from the expense claim, Mr Timney's late-night surreptitious viewing of two pornographic films has caused his wife severe embarrassment. | Quite apart from the political fallout from the expense claim, Mr Timney's late-night surreptitious viewing of two pornographic films has caused his wife severe embarrassment. |
| But could it also be construed as an infidelity? How much of a betrayal could this act be seen as? | But could it also be construed as an infidelity? How much of a betrayal could this act be seen as? |
| When my missus goes to bed, I'm like other guys, I'll have a look now and then Radio 5 Live caller | When my missus goes to bed, I'm like other guys, I'll have a look now and then Radio 5 Live caller |
| Mr Timney watched two films via a mainstream cable TV package last year - the same package, the expenses show, which allowed him to also view the rather less racy crime caper Ocean's 13 (which he watched twice, for the record). | Mr Timney watched two films via a mainstream cable TV package last year - the same package, the expenses show, which allowed him to also view the rather less racy crime caper Ocean's 13 (which he watched twice, for the record). |
| Before the advent of the internet and multi-channel TV, pornography was something that had to be sought from outside the home. Today, all it takes is a few clicks on a computer or a remote control. | Before the advent of the internet and multi-channel TV, pornography was something that had to be sought from outside the home. Today, all it takes is a few clicks on a computer or a remote control. |
| This instant, cheap access to a limitless variety of porn has inevitably made a dent on society's attitudes - although the suspicion cast over Mr Timney shows it's by no means a mainstream pursuit. Certainly, many callers to a BBC Radio 5 Live phone-in were more angered by the fact the films had been claimed for on MPs' expenses rather than for their salacious content. | This instant, cheap access to a limitless variety of porn has inevitably made a dent on society's attitudes - although the suspicion cast over Mr Timney shows it's by no means a mainstream pursuit. Certainly, many callers to a BBC Radio 5 Live phone-in were more angered by the fact the films had been claimed for on MPs' expenses rather than for their salacious content. |
| Home access | Home access |
| "Men are different to women," one caller who admitted to an occasional porn habit said. "When my missus goes to bed, I'm like other guys, I'll have a look now and then." | "Men are different to women," one caller who admitted to an occasional porn habit said. "When my missus goes to bed, I'm like other guys, I'll have a look now and then." |
| Others - men and women - said pornography need not be seen as a threat to a relationship, something akin to an affair. In fact, if watched by a couple together, it could be seen as a way of keeping their sex life healthy, some said. Not everyone agreed. But one caller who complained of it being dirty or seedy, was accused by others of being a "prude". | |
| One caller to 5 Live suggested Mr Timney needed to admit to his wife what it was he was looking for out of pornography. Another summed it up in a different way - we shouldn't care about what our partners are watching to get turned on, as long as we are the ones reaping the benefits. | One caller to 5 Live suggested Mr Timney needed to admit to his wife what it was he was looking for out of pornography. Another summed it up in a different way - we shouldn't care about what our partners are watching to get turned on, as long as we are the ones reaping the benefits. |
| How can a man have a midlife crisis when he's never left puberty? Author Kathy Lette | How can a man have a midlife crisis when he's never left puberty? Author Kathy Lette |
| But what about those who are frequently called on to judge these sort of relationship dilemmas? | But what about those who are frequently called on to judge these sort of relationship dilemmas? |
| Responding to just such a dilemma in her column last year, Observer relationships counsellor Mariella Frostrup was roundly dismissive of the notion that pornography is a liberating force in relationships. | Responding to just such a dilemma in her column last year, Observer relationships counsellor Mariella Frostrup was roundly dismissive of the notion that pornography is a liberating force in relationships. |
| "To me, it's undeniable that a man who spends his off-peak time fantasising about women as one-dimensional sex objects will have his attitudes to them in real life impaired by such a 'hobby'." | "To me, it's undeniable that a man who spends his off-peak time fantasising about women as one-dimensional sex objects will have his attitudes to them in real life impaired by such a 'hobby'." |
| Author and relationships commentator Kathy Lette, whose new book is called To Love, Honour and Betray - Till Divorce Us Do Part, is more sanguine, describing the weekend's story as a "storm in a teacup". She doesn't equate it with an affair. | Author and relationships commentator Kathy Lette, whose new book is called To Love, Honour and Betray - Till Divorce Us Do Part, is more sanguine, describing the weekend's story as a "storm in a teacup". She doesn't equate it with an affair. |
| "Boys will be boys - and so will a lot of middle aged men who should know better. The question on the minds of most wives today is, how can a man have a midlife crisis when he's never left puberty? | "Boys will be boys - and so will a lot of middle aged men who should know better. The question on the minds of most wives today is, how can a man have a midlife crisis when he's never left puberty? |
| Material that used to be illegal to trade in can now be seen with a few clicks | Material that used to be illegal to trade in can now be seen with a few clicks |
| "It's so cliched isn't it? Husband watching porn behind his wife's back. It's more corn than porn. Jacqui Smith's husband has now been exposed as a cornographer." | "It's so cliched isn't it? Husband watching porn behind his wife's back. It's more corn than porn. Jacqui Smith's husband has now been exposed as a cornographer." |
| The Spectator's agony aunt Mary Killen doesn't necessarily see the porn watching as a breakdown of a relationship. But she is highly aware of its capacity to embarrass - because to many it still has the aura of a furtive activity, one which needs to be hidden or kept secret. | The Spectator's agony aunt Mary Killen doesn't necessarily see the porn watching as a breakdown of a relationship. But she is highly aware of its capacity to embarrass - because to many it still has the aura of a furtive activity, one which needs to be hidden or kept secret. |
| A late friend of hers, a writer, once spent a night in a hotel room while on a story for the highbrow magazine Country Life, she says, and watched a pornographic film. The film, naturally, came up on the hotel bill - and the bill was later queried by the magazine's accounts department. | A late friend of hers, a writer, once spent a night in a hotel room while on a story for the highbrow magazine Country Life, she says, and watched a pornographic film. The film, naturally, came up on the hotel bill - and the bill was later queried by the magazine's accounts department. |
| "He never wrote for Country Life again because he felt the woman in the accounts department was revolted by him," Ms Killen says. | "He never wrote for Country Life again because he felt the woman in the accounts department was revolted by him," Ms Killen says. |
| What if her own partner had been watching porn films late at night on his own? "I think he would be doing it out of curiosity or because his friends did it, but not because he wanted a 'virtual relationship'." | What if her own partner had been watching porn films late at night on his own? "I think he would be doing it out of curiosity or because his friends did it, but not because he wanted a 'virtual relationship'." |
| The fact that much of the shock over this incident is over the £10 initially claimed for in Ms Smith's expenses, and not the nature of what Mr Timney was watching, perhaps reveals how pornography in relationships has become more broadly accepted. | The fact that much of the shock over this incident is over the £10 initially claimed for in Ms Smith's expenses, and not the nature of what Mr Timney was watching, perhaps reveals how pornography in relationships has become more broadly accepted. |
| Add your comments on this story, using the form below. | Add your comments on this story, using the form below. |
| The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide. Terms & Conditions | The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide. Terms & Conditions |