'I didn't know he was suicidal'

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By Jane Elliott Health reporter, BBC News

Lucy Reynolds is hoping her experiences will help others

Lucy Reynolds had no inkling that her long-term partner intended to kill himself.

When he drove out to the supermarket Lucy expected him back shortly.

But when the knock on the door came it was a policeman with the news that Darrell Sheens had driven his car into the path of an on-coming train.

Lucy, aged 40, from Norfolk, knew Darrell was depressed, he had sought help from his GP in the weeks before his death.

But she said there were no indications that this depression was going to result in him taking his life four years ago.

"Every time he hit a low, I was able to get him up again," she said.

"Then it got to a point where he could not cope any more and was getting panic attacks. An ambulance man came out and we managed to calm him down.

People like me who are three years down the line can help those who can't see daylight, can't pull themselves up Lucy Reynolds

"And then the next day we went to see the doctor and told her about the panic attacks - he was feeling really down and depressed.

"She said straight away that she wanted to give him anti-depressants, but he never even took paracetamol for a headache so I knew he was not going to take them.

"He said he just wanted counselling, but she said 'no' he had to try the tablets first.

"She said they would kick in in about three weeks' time."

But by this time Darrell was dead.

Getting support

Professor Keith Hawton, at the Centre for Suicide Research in Oxford University, said that because of the perceived stigma attached to suicide, many people might not get the support they need.

"Bereaved people often blame themselves, rightly or wrongly, for contributing to the death," he said.

"Guilt and shame are, understandably, likely to be particularly prominent where the suicide of a son or daughter has occurred.

"Suicide is still regarded by the community at large as a taboo topic and this, together with the generally negative reaction that many people show to individuals bereaved by suicide, may compound the sense of stigma that is experienced.

Darrell had been depressed

"This is likely to mean that not much social support may be available in some cases, which is likely to lead to an increased sense of isolation.

"All of these factors may make it more difficult for bereaved individuals to seek help."

Lucy said she was devastated when Darrell died, but found vital support through friends, family and an internet group.

Now she is telling her own story for the website Health Talk Online, which includes testimonies from 40 other people affected by suicide.

She has also written a book called My Life Changing Moment about her experiences.

"People like me who are three years down the line can help those who can't see daylight, can't pull themselves up," she said.

"We can show them that there is light at the end of the tunnel and they will recover, but some of them are so angry they think 'how will I ever get past this?'" she said.