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'Yerufarris? I said, Yerufarris' 'Yerufarris? I said, Yerufarris'
(about 24 hours later)
Three weeks working at the Edinburgh Festival led to a case of mistaken identity, recalls Laurie Taylor in his weekly column.Three weeks working at the Edinburgh Festival led to a case of mistaken identity, recalls Laurie Taylor in his weekly column.
"Don't mess with the Jocks.""Don't mess with the Jocks."
That was Ian's strongly expressed advice when he learned that I was to spend three weeks at the 1965 Edinburgh Festival playing a very small part in a very bad play.That was Ian's strongly expressed advice when he learned that I was to spend three weeks at the 1965 Edinburgh Festival playing a very small part in a very bad play.
It would, he told me, be all right to have a drink or two in some of the pubs near the Royal Mile but I should beware the back street hostelries. After seven or eight pints of "heavy" those Jocks will stop at nothing, he added, holding his clenched fist up before his face for extra emphasis.It would, he told me, be all right to have a drink or two in some of the pubs near the Royal Mile but I should beware the back street hostelries. After seven or eight pints of "heavy" those Jocks will stop at nothing, he added, holding his clenched fist up before his face for extra emphasis.
"So don't sound too English.""So don't sound too English."
Away from the festival crowds - Edinburghdonians in the 1950s Away from the festival crowds - Edinburgh in the 1950s
During my first couple of days in Edinburgh I forgot all about Ian's warning. The only people I met up with were young drama students like myself and our social life was almost totally confined to a small cafe near the Assembly Rooms in George Street which seemed to have little appeal to the type of Scotsmen at the centre of Ian's demonology.During my first couple of days in Edinburgh I forgot all about Ian's warning. The only people I met up with were young drama students like myself and our social life was almost totally confined to a small cafe near the Assembly Rooms in George Street which seemed to have little appeal to the type of Scotsmen at the centre of Ian's demonology.
But everything quickly changed. As my stage role involved a mere three-minute appearance in the first act, I was free to take a job in the later part of the evening at the Edinburgh Tattoo. The man in the agency who suggested this employment described my work as "general hospitality" but when I turned up at the Castle on the first evening to meet my new boss, Captain Belton, I quickly learned that it involved the rather more specific job of trying to persuade punters to pay for the hire of latex cushions.But everything quickly changed. As my stage role involved a mere three-minute appearance in the first act, I was free to take a job in the later part of the evening at the Edinburgh Tattoo. The man in the agency who suggested this employment described my work as "general hospitality" but when I turned up at the Castle on the first evening to meet my new boss, Captain Belton, I quickly learned that it involved the rather more specific job of trying to persuade punters to pay for the hire of latex cushions.
Captain Belton wore no military insignia, but appeared to use his title as a way of imposing a little extra discipline upon the motley crew of Glaswegians who constituted what he liked to call his "crack troops".Captain Belton wore no military insignia, but appeared to use his title as a way of imposing a little extra discipline upon the motley crew of Glaswegians who constituted what he liked to call his "crack troops".
Cushion corruptionCushion corruption
In fact, as I slowly discovered, the good captain's half-dozen troops were anything but "crack". They made a point of arriving late for work and leaving early. They were abusive about the foreign tourists who couldn't grasp the concept of cushion hire, scathing about the music and marching which made up the content of the Tattoo, and utterly ruthless in their attempts to make a few extra quid on the side by over-charging for cushions or falsifying the number of them on their trolley.In fact, as I slowly discovered, the good captain's half-dozen troops were anything but "crack". They made a point of arriving late for work and leaving early. They were abusive about the foreign tourists who couldn't grasp the concept of cushion hire, scathing about the music and marching which made up the content of the Tattoo, and utterly ruthless in their attempts to make a few extra quid on the side by over-charging for cushions or falsifying the number of them on their trolley.
FIND OUT MORE Hear Laurie Taylor's Thinking Allowed on Radio 4 at 1600 on Wednesdays or 0030 on MondaysOr listen to it here on the iPlayerFIND OUT MORE Hear Laurie Taylor's Thinking Allowed on Radio 4 at 1600 on Wednesdays or 0030 on MondaysOr listen to it here on the iPlayer
They also greatly enjoyed the fact that I was unable to understand most of what they were saying, and took even more pleasure in sending me out by myself to collect discarded cushions from underneath the scaffolding stands on the "Glasgow nights" when some of the spectators added to their evening's enjoyment by bombing people in the rows below with empty beer bottles.They also greatly enjoyed the fact that I was unable to understand most of what they were saying, and took even more pleasure in sending me out by myself to collect discarded cushions from underneath the scaffolding stands on the "Glasgow nights" when some of the spectators added to their evening's enjoyment by bombing people in the rows below with empty beer bottles.
But I gradually came to believe, despite Ian's warnings, that I was striking up some form of friendship with my fellow workers. Proof of this came when one night they suggested that we all meet up after work in a pub in an area called Dumbie Dykes.But I gradually came to believe, despite Ian's warnings, that I was striking up some form of friendship with my fellow workers. Proof of this came when one night they suggested that we all meet up after work in a pub in an area called Dumbie Dykes.
It wasn't an easy pub to find and as I pushed open the double doors and made my way through the fug towards the bar, I began to feel distinctly apprehensive. After being pointedly ignored by the bar staff for several minutes, I finally bought my pint of heavy and did my best to become invisible.It wasn't an easy pub to find and as I pushed open the double doors and made my way through the fug towards the bar, I began to feel distinctly apprehensive. After being pointedly ignored by the bar staff for several minutes, I finally bought my pint of heavy and did my best to become invisible.
I beg your pardonI beg your pardon
It was no use. I'd barely taken a modest sip when a man further down the bar fixed me with a glazed eye and bellowed something which sounded like "Yerufarris". I nodded back at him.It was no use. I'd barely taken a modest sip when a man further down the bar fixed me with a glazed eye and bellowed something which sounded like "Yerufarris". I nodded back at him.
"Yerufarris," he said in a louder more challenging voice. What was he saying? I could just about tell from his expression that he was making an assertion. He was asking me to confirm some sort of proposition."Yerufarris," he said in a louder more challenging voice. What was he saying? I could just about tell from his expression that he was making an assertion. He was asking me to confirm some sort of proposition.
"YERUFARRIS," he now bellowed at me."YERUFARRIS," he now bellowed at me.
Can you guess who it is yet?Can you guess who it is yet?
I realised that all I could do was nod enthusiastically and hope for the best. Hope that he'd reached the peak of his aggression. Hope that unlike Ian's fabled Scotsmen, he wasn't ready to "stop at nothing".I realised that all I could do was nod enthusiastically and hope for the best. Hope that he'd reached the peak of his aggression. Hope that unlike Ian's fabled Scotsmen, he wasn't ready to "stop at nothing".
I was only saved by the arrival of the "crack cushion troops". In rolled all six of them looking thoroughly at home. As they reached the bar they were immediately accosted by my drunken challenger. He pointed drunkenly in my direction.I was only saved by the arrival of the "crack cushion troops". In rolled all six of them looking thoroughly at home. As they reached the bar they were immediately accosted by my drunken challenger. He pointed drunkenly in my direction.
"Eezrufarris," he bellowed. "No, he's not", said one of my new mates glancing at my shock of black curly hair and heavy spectacles. "He's not Rolf Harris. Are you?"."Eezrufarris," he bellowed. "No, he's not", said one of my new mates glancing at my shock of black curly hair and heavy spectacles. "He's not Rolf Harris. Are you?".
"No", I said limply, "I'm not Rolf Harris.""No", I said limply, "I'm not Rolf Harris."
So great was my relief that I only just managed to refrain from adding "How could I be? I'm English."So great was my relief that I only just managed to refrain from adding "How could I be? I'm English."
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